The Review: How To Use Guys With Secret Tips

How To Use Guys With Secret Tips 7/10

I watched this crazy ass movie with H. and B. called How To Use Guys With Secret Tips. This is a Korean movie about this assistant director that gets stepped on in every aspect of her life. At work, catching cabs, whatever. One day while at a commercial shoot the entire damn crew leave her after she falls asleep on the beach. She wakes up and there is a crazy ass booth with this guy that wants to sell her a series of videos on how to use her womanly wiles to control men and make herself better.

The Review: The Great Gatsby

The Great Gatsby 8/10

Weeks ago I finally watched The Great Gatsby. I had never read the book or seen any other versions of this but I do remember seeing the meme from this. I thought this was a movie about a dude that loved to party all the time. I was very wrong. This is told through the eyes of a guy that lived next door to Gatsby. His name is Nick and he is getting treatment at a hospital and is told to just write about Gatsby. In 1922 he moves to his new place and there is this dude that throws these crazy ass parties. His cousin Daisy is married to an asshat named Tom. He is loaded. Nick gets invited to Gatsby's party which a mutual friend of Daisy named Jordan is surprised because no one gets invited. Daisy's husband brings Nick to a town called Valley of Ashes where he messes around with a woman who is very much not his wife.

The Review: The Best Man Holiday

The Best Man Holiday 8/10

L. continues to get me watching Black movies that I should have seen years ago. I really liked this one. The Best Man Holiday was exactly how I would imagine all of these people being like years after the first movie. Harper is a trash person still. I know that time has passed but he is still not shit and I am sure that I should see him differently but I just can't. He a snake and was called one and I agreed so damn much. Everyone decides to meet at Lance's place for the holidays. Lance is close to retiring from the NFL and breaking a rushing record. Harper has not sold a book that has done as well as his first in years and has almost no money left on top of the fact that his wife Robyn is pregnant and has struggled to carry a child. Jordan is dating a white dude and Harper has the nerve to act some way over her being in a relationship. Murch is not able to get more finding for his school after an old video of his now wife Candy (the stripper he fell for) comes out. He wont tell her about it but treats her like trash because of it. His old girlfriend Shelby is now on one of those Housewives type shows where she is famous and just fights folks. Quentin is doing well and is still a horndog and the best part of these movies.

The Review: Coherence

Coherence 4/10

This movie Coherence was aggravating. This will be full of spoilers because I can not complain without spoiling things. A group of friends that don't really seem like friends at all have a dinner party. They spend a lot of time riffing and it feels like nothing was written well and people are talking over one another trying to “get their shit in.” The power goes out and everyone freaks out and lights candles and grab glow sticks. There are weird notes left on the door as someone inside is still writing that same note. Oh, I forgot to mention a comet flew by. That happened. No phones and no internet. They all head outside and see that all the lights are out on the street except for one other house. Two dudes leave and eventually come back. Oh lord. I have having trouble even trying to explain this. People drink that shouldn't be drinking. People start worrying about shit that can wait till tomorrow because way too much freaky shit is happening like the fact that the house down the street has copies of themselves inside. Yeah, I get it. Ex is here. Fuck that. There are clones!

The Review: The Conjuring

The Conjuring Much Spoopy!/10

This week I finished up watching The Conjuring with B&H. My best friend has seen all of these movies and this is the first I've seen. I don't watch many scary films so I tend to talk way too much during them because I think as soon as the doors slam shut with no warning in the middle of the night it is time to move. But not this family! This couple and their five daughters move into this house. The dog is like “Fuck every inch of that house!” and won't even enter it. The owners are like “Whatevs...” and go about unpacking in this house they have not even fully explored. This house has secret rooms that have secret rooms. Everything that can happen in a haunting ends up happening to this family. The dog ends up dead. Birds dropping from the sky. Ghosts yanking legs. Ghosts making rooms smell like old meat. Musical boxes. Clapping! Just everything.

The Review: I'll Be Homeless For Christmas (2013)

I'll Be Homeless For Christmas HAHAHA/10

I just watched the best movie ever made and by the best I mean the worst and by the worst I mean the most hilarious. I'll Be Homeless For Christmas is one of the most thought provoking movies I have seen in my life. So many questions were asked! By the way, I do not watch holiday films. Cam does. We got off the phone and she called me up an hour later to discuss this gem of a movie and like the best friend that I am I made sure we watched the whole damn thing. By the time we were halfway in I knew we had to finish because it got funnier as it went on. And by funnier I mean more confusing. Here is the plot as written online for my own personal version of The Room.

The Review: The Place Beyond The Pines

The Place Beyond The Pines 10/10

There will be spoilers for this years old movie. I loved The Place Beyond The Pines. I don't know why I didn't check it out sooner. It stars Ryan Gosling who is bae. Eva Mendes who is co-bae. Seriously. This has just been sitting in my Netflix cue and I have been thinking of deleting it for no reason. Thank god I didn't because all I thought this was about was Gosling riding a motorcycle and doing crime with Mendes as his partner and Bradley Cooper hunting them down like some bootleg Bonnie & Clyde. I was super wrong. Gosling is Luke Glanton. He is a motorcycle stuntman that just breezes through towns. One day he is found by a girl he slept with, Romina Gutierrez played by Mendes. He drops her off at home and that is that. He ends up finding out that she had a baby and he is the father. He is upset that she was going to let him leave town not knowing that he had a son.

The Review: Down And Dangerous

Down And Dangerous 7/10

There will be some spoilers. I needed more sweat, some flashbacks, more shouting, and three more chokeslams. I finally got around to checking out the movie Down And Dangerous. Its a movie where no one can be trusted. For some reason I tend to watch movies full of shady ass humans and this was no exception. John T. Woods stars as a drug smuggler named Paul Boxer, running between L.A and Mexico. Was it really filmed there? I don't fucking know. I've never been. If you took a photo in Pasadena and told me it was Mexico I'd believe you. Anyhoot, his partner ends up getting shot by a crooked ass agent and Paul goes on the hunt for him.

Demand It!: Locke

I watched the movie Locke starring Tom Hardy. I had no idea what this movie was about but ended up really digging it. He plays a guy named Ivan Locke that is in his car getting phone calls the entire time. He is talking to coworkers, his wife, his son, as well as a chick on the side that he got pregnant that decided to keep the baby.

DVDiculous: The Heat

I decided to watch The Heat after watching just the first few minutes last year, having a friend tell me she liked it in theaters, and my cousin recently bringing it up. It stars Sandra Bullock as FBI Special Agent Sarah Ashburn who is a tightass no one likes. Melissa McCarthy plays Boston Detective Shannon Mullins who is the same character she plays in every other film just more violent. This was done by a director who'd done movies I laughed at before so I wasn't too worried about that. The first few scenes I had seen before made me laugh.

DVDiculous: Old Boy

It was hard to watch this Old Boy movie without comparing it to the original that came out eleven years ago. But I tried my best and gave it a shot. I just watched it as if Spike Lee made this original film that was nothing like any other he'd done before. I mean, I give Lee credit for stepping out. He has done a few films that if you didn't know it was him you'd think it was some new director. Films like The 25th Hour and Inside Man were incredible and unlike his other films except for that rolling camera thing he does. And yes he does it in this one and its silly.

And yes there will be spoilers. 

Josh Brolin's character is an asshole. Just totally unlikable until it gets to the point where I don't even want him to win. You know what? Fuck it. I'm comparing this to the old film. This movie holds your hand throughout it so much that I actually said “Get locked up already!” They show so much of him being a fuck up, bad businessman, bad father, alcoholic, and terrible human being that by the time he is taken and locked in that room for twenty years it seems better for society.

DVDiculous: Girls Against Boys

I was doing some clean up on my Facebook page and found this movie Girls Against Boys that my friend Miss J. posted over a year ago and the trailer for it seemed cool. So I decided to watch it tonight and boy was I disappointed. I mean...wow. This was really bad! No, not just because it stars two skinny dames. That's not it at all. The music, the acting, the story, it was all just ass. If they were trying to go for a comedy about how rapey men are then they may have hit their mark. But to take this as a drama(?) or horror(?) film, I just can't.

This is one of those films where you watch a character and go “Why are you doing that?! Stop! Oh, great. Now you're doing something even dumber!” Its about this college girl named Shae who has the worst luck ever. She gets dumped by her man who is separated but decides to stay with his wife and child. Then she ditches her friend to go to a party with this chick Lu and they go to a party and head home with these guys. Nope.

Eat that burger, damn it!

She heads home with this guy and does everything a sensible person, not just a woman, shouldn't do. He rapes her in her hallways and I'm like “Are there no other people living in this building?!” She goes to the guy who broke up with her and he's all “Bitch, you can't just show up at my home!” He takes her home, she makes out with him then changes her mind, the he tries to force himself on her until she screams for him to stop. Meanwhile Lu is shooting a cop in the asshole. That is not a typo.

Theater Whore: August Osage County

August: Osage County 9/10

Got around to finally checking out August: Osage County and am happy that I finally know how to pronounce the name of it. It was pretty much what I expected in terms of story and levels of discomfort. It was like being invited to someone's house for dinner and watching them get into a fight. If you've never experienced that be very happy. This is that times ten because it contains every amount of drama that you can think of from death, infidelity, incest, and drugs occur.

This will contain spoilers by the way.

Theater Whore: The Wolf Of Wallstreet

The Wolf of Wallstreet 8/10

It took me a while to finally get around to see The Wolf Of Wallstreet and I'm kinda pissed about it seeing as how I've been watching so many bad films (with another cued up and ready to watch right after I finish writing this). I held up on seeing it because I had watched interviews and read one written by the daughter of the guy, Jordan Belfort, that this is based off of. He's a dick. This movie portrays him as a dick. This movie also makes doing drugs seems awesome!

This is about the rise and fall of Belfort played by Leonardo DiCaprio. He goes from an alright kinda guy to this massive dick at the speed of light! He cheats on his wife with this hot chick played by Margot Robbie that he meets at a party and ends up marrying her. I'm jumping way ahead of myself. Belfort gets a job trading with Matthew McConaughey who inspires him to be a beast. I had no idea he was even in this movie.

Theater Whore: Gravity

Gravity 4/10

Oh, Gravity. You're such a...nice looking film. That's about all the good I can say about what is continuously being called a great movie. Its not. Its just a pretty plate with nothing on it. Sandra Bullock is Dr. Ryan Stone and George Clooney is Lieutinant Matt Kowalski. That's all you need to know about this movie. Clooney is his usual fuckable self while Bullock reprises her role from Speed as a frantic dame in need of help from a man.

This is gonna be full of spoilers so if you don't wanna know some shit then skip this post.

DVDiculous: Metallica Through The Never

I got to watch Through The Never and I feel like such an ass for not watching it when it was in theaters because this movie is massive. Its a concert film and a crazy ass chase film combined. It stars the band Metallica of course and Dane Dehaan who you may know from Lawless and Chronicle. He's a roadie that is given the task of taking fuel to a stalled truck that needs to be at the concert.

This film manages to mix the story perfectly with the music. If you are a fan of Metallica you'll be happy. If you like seeing riots, hangings, and massive explosions you'll also be happy. The roadie, Trip, gets into a car accident and the next thing you know a bunch of people are fighting with cops and then this big son of a bitch shows up on a horse and starts lynching folks. Meanwhile at the concert...

Theater Whore: Anchorman 2

Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues 8/10

I finally got around to seeing Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues and my god this movie managed to be even funnier than the first one. This movie starts and ends with a shark attack that is funny as hell. I am gonna have to see it again because I was laughing so hard during one joke that something else would be said that I would miss it.

It is hard to write a review about this movie without just quoting lines from it. If you see it you can't be a sensitive person, particularly if you're Black, because there's a scene at a dinner table that is hilarious but full of so much offensive material. But I'm not sensitive so whatever. The movie takes place years after the first and Ron Burgundy and Veronica are now married with a child. She gets promoted and he gets fired and he makes her decided if it will be him or her career. She picks the new job and he loses it leading to divorce.

Theater Whore: The Hobbit The Desolation Of Smaug

The Hobbit: the Desolation Of Smaug 3/10

I decided to watch The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug because I hate myself. I am not gonna sit here and attempt to name all the dwarfs in this because even after two films my brain calls them The Leader, The Human Looking One, and the rest. Oh, Bilbo and Gandolf. So after the last film where they walked a lot and finally got to the dragon only for the movie to end with a image of the dragon's damned eye, this one makes you wait another 100 minutes to finally see the dragon again!

So this movie. Sigh. What can I say about it? It was pretty, loud, and long. Sounds like one of my ex girlfriends! Hi-yo! See what I did there? Ask me why I'm single again? So this movie features all the same dwarfs and none of them ever die even though they should've many times over. I'll just post some comments from my Facebook page regarding this film.

Ross Radio Show 162

Happy New Year! I play some party songs like Kool And The Gang Hollywood Swinging, Madonna Holiday, Alicia Myers I Want To Thank You, James Brown Funky Good Time, Michael Jackson This Place Hotel, Luther Vandross Never Too Much, Gap Band Party Train, Rick James Mary Jane, Zapp & Roger Doo Wah Ditty, Tom Browne Funkin' For Jamaica, Isley Brothers Voyage To Atlantis, Rufus and Chaka Khan Hollywood, Earth Wind And Fire Would You Mind, Marvin Gaye Just Like Music, George Clinton Atomic Dog, Liquid Liquid Cavern, Digital Underground The Humpty Dance, Mark Morrison Return Of The Mack, Positive K I Got A Man, Mos Def Ms Fat Booty, McFadden & Whitehead Ain't No Stopping Us Now, and Shalamar Second Time Around. Click here for this and past Ross Radio Shows. Thanks for sharing, liking, and listening to my show. 

Top 5 Best & Worst Films Of 2013

Oh, what a year it has been for movies. Good films were very few and far between while horrible ones just ran rampant. This year it was hard to find five good films of the year because most of the films I enjoyed the most I've in the last month and since I am only doing five I had to shave off a lot of bad ones, otherwise this would have been best five films and twenty worst. I'm sure a lot of people will disagree with my choices. Tough shit. Make your own list, you weirdo.