Friday, December 27, 2013

Top 5 Best & Worst Films Of 2013


Oh, what a year it has been for movies. Good films were very few and far between while horrible ones just ran rampant. This year it was hard to find five good films of the year because most of the films I enjoyed the most I've in the last month and since I am only doing five I had to shave off a lot of bad ones, otherwise this would have been best five films and twenty worst. I'm sure a lot of people will disagree with my choices. Tough shit. Make your own list, you weirdo.

Top 5 Best Movies Of 2013

Her



This movie had no right to be as good as it was. It hit every single note perfectly in terms of making me laugh, smile, cover my face in shame, and smile leaving the theater. This is one of those movies that made me realize why I enjoy seeing movies. Its a hard sale getting people interested in this movie because the premise of a guy falls in love with his computer program sounds weird to folks. But I'll still suggest it. Hell, I remember having a hard time selling Beasts Of The Southern Wild to people and they missed out on one of the best films in years.

If you had told me that a Superman film would be the best superhero film to come out this year I would have laughed at you. Many fans of Superman hated this film (“He doesn't kill!”) which is probably why I liked it. I've never been a fan of films based off of him. This had everything I like about animated Superman films: lots of shit being broken.

Big ass robots fighting big ass monsters. That was what I wanted since I was a kid and I got it this year! People seem to have the same arguments against this film as they did with Sucker Punch. Sometimes I just wanna watch a bunch of things being blown up and hit. This movie was very what you see is what you get and that was awesome for me. I bought this movie and have watched it every few weeks and each time I notice cool little things that the creatures and robots do. This made me want a giant robot of my own.

This movie was funny as fuck! A lot of films came out that were not supposed to be funny and were so it was nice to see something that was far funnier than the trailer made it seem. I sat there laughing the entire time which is nice since so many sad ass films came out this past year.

I went into this just knowing that Matthew McConaughey was skinny. That's about it. This movie proved that he is seriously a great actor when given the right material to work with. I like when films have main characters that start off totally unlikable and by the end you're cheering for them. This was that movie.

Top 5 Worst Movies Of 2013

This should've been good. It wasn't like there was a different guy playing Iron Man or anything. It had all the right pieces. And then it quickly fell right the fuck apart and didn't even attempt to get itself together. Hell, even the scene after the credits was a complete waste of time. This film just made me mad and not want to see more of these Marvel films. Thor didn't help.

How do you take one of the funniest men in comedy right now and make him not funny? By doing an 80 minute special, having 50 minutes of it not be funny, and about an extra 20 being not funny skits and credits. Seriously, I laughed one time during this. One. Time. This was the weakest standup Kevin Hart has ever done. The stuff he puts on Youtube for free is funnier than anything in this.

Fuck you, Wolverine. This movie was so much ass. Just...so much ass. If you've ever wanted to see Wolverine not have his powers, cry about a woman he kissed that one time, fight a robot samurai, not even quite look like Wolverine, and scream a lot then you may have loved the hell out of this. It was a waste of time, money, and special effects. Hopefully no more of these will be made.

This will be known as the movie that didn't want to take personal responsibility for how shitty it was. You can blame critics all you want, but when you make something that is over two hours long and let everyone know from the very start that neither of the main characters can/will die that's all on you. This movie sucked so hard. “Look! Johnny Depp is acting weird! I haven't seen that in...months.”

If you want to see slaves getting their asses beaten in crystal clarity then by all means see this. You wont take anything new from it that you haven't seen before. The information shown during the credits is the movie I want to see. But that isn't what I got. I got to see a lot of non-Americans playing American slaves and masters. Good times. Don't see this. Ever.


Click here for the worst films of 2012.

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