The Review: Bird Box

Bird Box 1/10

This will be full of all the spoilers. What happens when you get John Malkovich, Machine Gun Kelly, and Lil Rel Howery in one room? Madcap adventures! I just finished watching Bird Box on Netflix starring Sandra Bullock and wow. This was pretty damned wack. I was intrigued by the posters for it I had seen and did not know what it was about or who all was in it until watching. At first I didn't even know Bullock was in it and got hesitant to give it a go which Cam made fun of me for. Other cast members include Trevante Rhodes, Jacki Weaver, Rosa Salazar, Danielle Macdonald, Tom Hollander, BD Wong, and Sarah Paulson. I also would not have watched this if I had known Susanne Bier directed it. I've seen Serena. Don't talk to me. I may make this sound more interesting than it is with my description. Like sex. That thing where you put the pee pee into the smoosh smoosh until bammy happens.

DVDiculous: The Heat

I decided to watch The Heat after watching just the first few minutes last year, having a friend tell me she liked it in theaters, and my cousin recently bringing it up. It stars Sandra Bullock as FBI Special Agent Sarah Ashburn who is a tightass no one likes. Melissa McCarthy plays Boston Detective Shannon Mullins who is the same character she plays in every other film just more violent. This was done by a director who'd done movies I laughed at before so I wasn't too worried about that. The first few scenes I had seen before made me laugh.

Theater Whore: Gravity

Gravity 4/10

Oh, Gravity. You're such a...nice looking film. That's about all the good I can say about what is continuously being called a great movie. Its not. Its just a pretty plate with nothing on it. Sandra Bullock is Dr. Ryan Stone and George Clooney is Lieutinant Matt Kowalski. That's all you need to know about this movie. Clooney is his usual fuckable self while Bullock reprises her role from Speed as a frantic dame in need of help from a man.

This is gonna be full of spoilers so if you don't wanna know some shit then skip this post.