The Review: Creed II

Creed II 6/10

I have actually been waiting a while to see this movie because when it was first released and I saw the storyline I thought it was too soon to be doing it. This takes place a couple of years after the first film and Adonis has been fighting to get back his belt. He ends up winning but then he is challenged by Ivan Drago's son. For those who don't know somehow Drago is the one who killed Adonis's father Apollo Creed in Rocky IV (which is the best Rocky movie ever). He eventually ends up fighting him and wins but just because Ivan's son is a dirty ass fighter and keeps listening to his evil father. Adonis also discovers that his girlfriend is pregnant and he's afraid that his daughter will be born with hearing issues just as she has.

The Review: Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald 8/10

Newt is back! But first they gotta transfer Grindelwald out of the US and back to Europe. This dude is spooky as hell and there is more action in this first scene that all the Potter movies combined. I am exaggerating but not too much. Meanwhile Newt is trying to appeal his ban on traveling and they are like “We will but you gotta capture the kid that turned out to be the demon cloud” from the first film. Yeah, I didn't cover everything in my first review. The dude that was hunting the kid Credence turned out to be Grindelwald in disguise and the kid turned out to be the cloud demon thing even though he was too old and a male. Credence is also being hunted by this other guy, Dumbledore wants Newt to find him thinking he belongs to the Lestrange family. Everybody want this boy to kill him, use him as a weapon, or help him out.

The Review: Peppermint

Peppermint 1/10

Years ago when I first heard about this movie I talked mad shit about how bad the movie poster looked (click here for that). I watched this movie in two parts because I couldn't imagine sitting through this nonsense straight through. This lady gets revenge after her husband and daughter are killed by a cartel. She gets shot too but survives. Why they shoot her family? Cause her husband agreed to do a heist then changed his mind but the bad guys found out it was going to happen. The cops find out that she stole some money and traveled the world doing fucking MMA and stealing guns. So she lives on Skid Row which is now safe cause she kill folks that fuck with the homeless. The rest of this movie is dirty cops, drug dealers, and a bunch of Latino dudes getting their faces blown off. This woman gains the ability to teleport eventually. Seriously. Like, she shoots the main bad guy right in the face with dozens of cops watching who immediately open fire on her and hit her. Moments later she vanished. They find her at her family's tombstone and she dies. Then she is wakes in the hospital where the main cop gives her a key to her handcuffs and she vanishes from the hospital that is filthy with police. With such a heavy plot this movie shouldn't have been as cartoonishly ridiculous. This movie was ass.

Jennifer Garner as Riley North

John Ortiz as Detective Moises Beltran

John Gallagher Jr. as Detective Stan Carmichael

Juan Pablo Raba as Diego Garcia

Annie Ilonzeh as FBI Agent Lisa Inman

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The Review: Constantine City Of Demons

Constantine City Of Demons 6/10

This movie was fine. I was looking through HBO Max for all the animated DC movies I had not seen and started one and stopped it after two minutes because the art was so bad and found this one instead. I like Constantine as a character and animated films with him are pretty cool and easy to do. Wish his TV show hadn't started sucking. The story for this is that John Constantine is having crazy dreams and seeing this young girl whose soul he let get taken when he was a newbie. Also his inner demons escape. His friend Chas contacts him because his daughter is in a coma. John finds out that her soul is being held by this demon in Los Angeles so he has to go there, work for him, find out he is not who he says he is, and kinda ruin Chas' life to save his daughters. Its a very bittersweet story. I liked the voices, the animation, and the story for this. I'm still waiting for a live action version sequel.

Matt Ryan as John Constantine

Damian O'Hare as Chas Chandler

Laura Bailey as Asa the Healer/Nightmare Nurse, Trish Chandler

Emily O'Brien as Renee Chandler

Rachel Kimsey as The Queen of Angels Angela

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The Review: The Night Comes For Us

The Night Comes For Us 8/10

This movie The Night Comes For Us was suggested to me by Parker. This should have been called Violence: The Movie, because, holy shit. This is one of the most violent films I have ever seen. You know that scene in John Wick 3 when he slowly stabs that guy through the eye with a knife? That is soft as baby shit compared to what happens in this film. This is a two hour fight with a few scenes explaining the past history these characters have with one another. I'm not complaining. A story would have gotten in the way of all the violence. If you have a weak stomach you absolutely should not watch this because they show the stuff that a lot of other movies cut away from or wouldn't dare to show unless they are, like, vikings or some shit. People watch violent stuff easier when everyone is wearing furs and use swords.

The Review: Runaways Season 1

Runaways Season One 2/10

So yeah. I just finished watching season one of the series Runaways. After ten one hour long episodes I still can't tell you what the fuck this show is about other than some uninteresting teenagers with slightly more interesting parents find out their parents are evil. Why are they evil? For some guy. Who is the guy? He was ashy and dying but now he isn't and wants to drill into the city. Why? Because there is a living rock or something down there. What does the rock do? I have no idea and neither do the parents who have killed over a dozen runaways through the front of a church to do so. Why are gang members involved? Because of Black father. Why use runaway children as victims? Because social commentary. I have never read the comic but knew it existed so I can't be happy or mad at how certain characters were portrayed.

The Review: Bumblebee

Bumblebee 8/10

Shocked that I enjoyed this movie. The other Transformer movies were garbage. I watched two and didn't realize that three more happened. I knew there were more but not that many. I randomly decided to check Bumblebee out after a few people said it was good. They were right. From the very beginning I knew this would be good just because the Autobots looked like Autobots and Decepticons looked like Decepticons. That was one of the biggest complaints I had about previous movies. None of the characters looked like who they were supposed to be. Not to mention that when they fought I couldn't tell what the hell was going on. This movie had a simple story that managed to not get boring and characters that were the right amount of what they needed to be. Meaning the bullies were bully enough. The annoying brother stopped just short of being intolerable. The touching moments stopped...uh...touching right when they needed to. It was well done.

The Review: Venom

Venom 0/10

Venom is such a bad movie that even musicians I like have wack songs on the soundtrack. That's how bad it is. I knew this movie was bad before I started watching it. I said I wouldn't watch it the same way I said I wouldn't see Aquaman or X-Men Dark Phoenix but I always end up seeing this terrible shit. I can't think of anything good to say about this movie. The story was stupid. The effects. The acting was all over the damn place. No one reacted the way someone would in any of the situations they were in. Okay, I should talk about this shit before I lose my mind.

The Review: Dead Man's Line

Dead Man's Line 6/10

I found this crazy ass documentary that came out last year called Dead Man's Line. This is about a hostage situation that happened in Indianapolis in February of 1977. Tony Kiritsis took Richard Hall hostage for 63 hours. Since this took place in '77 there are cameras and audio of everything that went down. Kiritsis was upset because he was falling behind on payments on real estate and thought that Hall and his father wanted the property for themselves. He attached a wire around Hall's neck connected to a shotgun pressed to the back of his head and if he were killed the gun would go off. I shit you not, I have never heard of this incident ever in my life or heard someone as high on themselves as Kiritsis was. I am shocked that he never spread his arms and declared himself a god among men. While holding Hall hostage he also wired his place to explode. It also turned out that he did this same gun technique on his own sister a few years prior. How was this guy free?!

The Review: Legion Season 2

Legion Season Two 10/10

I finished watching season two of the FX series Legion the other day and have been trying to figure out how to even write a review. After watching the first season a couple years back and absolutely loving it for whatever reason I dragged my ass watching the second season. Yes, I know there is a third and last season and I will drag my ass to watch it because I am bummed a great show is ending. Hmm. Maybe I'm not. Shows go too long these days and three seasons seem to be the magic number. The last season focused on getting to know the characters and David Haller defeating the Shadow King. This season continues that but far more in depth as well as figuring out if David is actually the hero of this story. There is a race going on to find the real body of the Shadow King fka Amahl Farouk. Our group is now located at Division 3 and it is being run by Admiral Fukyama who sits in a strange ass room with a basket on his head surrounded by three android lady folk that have mustaches. Everything is freaky!

The Review: Overlord

Overlord 8/10

I decided to check out the movie Overlord. I know it came out last year and all I knew was that it took place during a war and that it got crazy at the end. Yeah. It does. This movie was tense as fuck. From the very start we meet a group of soldiers aboard a plane during WW2. The thing I like about war movies is that characters are what they are and it is easy to see who is who. Anyone creative (writer, photographer, or artist) is gonna die. The guy that talks shit is gonna have to prove he can back it up. The silent one is terrifying and may turn on the team. These guys have a mission to cut off Nazi communications the day before the beaches of Normandy are stormed. They are cruising along when planes are shot down and they are hit. Our main character Boyce seems terrified by everything all around him before jumping out of the plane, almost drowning, and then landing in time to see his sergeant slaughtered.

The Review: Reign Of Supermen

Reign Of Supermen 2/10

I was so bummed out watching Reign Of Supermen. DC has made some really good animated movies but this one fell flat in so many ways. Maybe it was rushed. Maybe they got cocky. Either way they ended up making a lazy animated, sloppy story that did nothing to make new characters interesting or ones I'd ever want to see a full movie about. The Justice League end up having to be dumbed down just so these other characters got a chance to appear. Even if one of these movies have a silly story the art saves it but in this there are points where they could not be bothered to animate people running from danger or streets were straight up empty. The previous Death Of Superman movie set this up to be good but this follow up straight up stank. The art was levels below the look of the previous movie and it didn't even feel like the two were connected. Why rush to even make this movie? Make a few good ones showing everyone surviving without Superman and then bring him back. Nah. Most of the voice work was good. Hmm. Some. Not most.

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The Review: Mission Impossible Fallout

Mission Impossible Fallout 3/10

Well, it was definitely a movie. I have seen all of the Mission Impossible movies and while some were super action heavy with some story accidentally getting involved this one was nothing but explosions with some spy type shit squeezed in to shut people like me up. The face swap thing isn't even cool anymore. I don't know how you can have a team of spies that do so much public damage. You would not be able to explain away the shit they get away with to a government. In Paris alone they would've been asking hundreds of questions after the motorcycle chase. If you have never seen one of these movies, I think there are five previous ones, and watched this you would not feel lost. Even if you are like “He was married?!” they go out of their way to plot that out. Its fine.

The Review: Aquaman

Aquaman 3/10

I finally watched Aquaman. This movie came out during last year when I put my foot down and decided that I was not gonna rush out and see every superhero movie that came out. This is on HBO so I decided to watch it. I was shocked at how long it was. I was not shocked by how long it felt. This is an origin story even though we've already seen Arthur/Aquaman before. In this movie he earns his title and defends Earth against Atlantians and Atlantians against themselves and finds his mother who he thought was dead and has been gone for decades. I did not expect this to be a good movie. I wasn't even looking to be surprised by it being better than I'd hoped like Shazam because you can not make this character entertaining by himself using the cast they have. Is it better than Justice League? Yeah. That's not a difficult task. But it was long and they crammed in way too much shit. Black Manta was wack as shit. The main bad guy whose name I can't even think of right now was lame. And I knew he would hook up with Mera as soon as she showed up.

The Review: Tag

Tag 5/10

I did not expect this movie to be as funny as it was or have such well done action sequences. Tag kept being suggested to me and I remember someone saying that it was like Hawkeye having his own solo film already in this. So I watched this and liked it. This is based off the true story of a group of friends who have been playing the game of tag for decades. They take this shit to brand new levels to tag one another. There are rules and it takes place only in May. They find out that the best player who has never been tagged is getting married soon and plans to never play the game again so they meet up to head their and get him before he can.

The Review: Tomb Raider

Tomb Raider 1/10

What the hell was this butt fest of a movie? Don't think I was sitting here hoping this movie would blow my mind with a great story and incredible action. But I did at least hope it would be fun and cheesy. Wasn't fun. Wasn't cheesy. It just existed. That is a good way to describe this. It just existed. Things happened on screen, people were hit (mostly Lara Croft), explosions happened, and it threatened the world with a sequel that I assure you will never happen. I am sure I said the same thing about the Tomb Raider film from back in the day but that was when Angelina Jolie had that boom boom pow. I won't even compare that and this movie because they were both ass. Just not fun shit that costs way more than they should've. I would have taken that 90 million bucks and invested in three seasons of the most epic Zelda series ever seen. So yeah. You may notice I'm not actually talking about the movie. That's cause it blew creepy clowns. Not all that much to say.

The Review: Fahrenheit 451

Fahrenheit 451 (2/10)

This movie was butt which sucks because it stars two guys that I am a super fan of. I heard about this movie last year but after it came out heard no reviews or anything. So I went into this thinking it was gonna be a cool movie about books burning, lessons to learn from the pasts mistakes, and if anything really good acting. This turned out to be super bland. There was nothing spectacular about it. Every time someone spoke it was like the screen was saying “This is acting and you are watching a movie.” You know how powerfully bland your writing and directing has to be to conquer the powers of both Shannon and Jordan? By the way this Fahrenheit 451 movie is so different from the book there is no actual need to compare the two. I was able to watch this as just a movie and judge it based on that alone.

The Review: The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot

The Man Who Killed Hitler And Then The Bigfoot 8/10

Spoilerific. Last night I watched this movie The Man Who Killed Hitler And Then The Bigfoot based solely only the title. Well, that and I like the star of the movie. I figured that this would be a movie like Big Fish where this old guy would talk about the weird things he has done in his life and you would see that some of it was true and the other parts made up or like Bubba Ho Tep where it was real and no one believed him. Turns out that I was wrong on both fronts. This guy legit kills both Hitler and Bigfoot in his lifetime and it was pretty damned groovy.

The Review: Bad Times At El Royale

Bad Times At The El Royale 5/10

I watched the movie Bad Times At El Royale and it took me a little bit to figure out what kinda score I would give it. While watching I started to feel like it was taking too long to get really going and realized it was only about twenty minutes in. Then I thought “This feels like it was written and directed by the same person...” Turns out I was right. There is a certain feel that movies that have both and that feeling is usually a lack of editing, strange pacing, and being too long. This movie looks amazing. It was beautifully shot. The sound, the look, the acting were all good. But the pacing was all over the place. There were character arcs that were shown that I had figured out not because I am a clever bird but because it was pretty obvious. Priests are always bank robbers for real.

The Review: Ready Player One

Ready Player One 1/10

This movie is garbage. Who liked this shit? I know when it came out some folks were hype like “I loved the book!” and others were like “80's stuff! I know 80's stuff!” So do I. I lived through the shit and I am not clamoring to have it redone or flashing on my screen. This movie had scenes that looked like I was watching a video game that would crash your computer. Just stuff. This movie was a lot of stuff moving on the screen. There is a simulated video game world that almost everyone plays because the real world is a dumpster fire and can straight up lose real world money. Why is this a movie plot? That is real life. This kid Wade Watts is the hero our world needs because...because reasons. He and millions of others are searching for three keys and an Easter egg and if they do they get all the money and control over the video game world.