Monday, December 4, 2017

Theater Whore: Justice League


Justice League 1/10

This is not a fun movie. You'd think a movie with all of these characters would at the very least be fun but it was very much not. It wasn't even cool. With superhero or comic book based movies if you can't get anything right the very least you can do is make characters look like they are supposed to or cool. That does not happen with this. And for anyone that says I am a Marvel whore and love all their movies (which I don't) I have a goddamn Batman tattoo on my right arm and a Warner Bros. based one on the left. So kiss my ass. I have no brand loyalty, not even with the toothpaste or toilet paper I buy. I just wanna be entertained...and have nice breath and a clean ass.


I would like to point out the thing that this movie got right...but I can't. I didn't like anything about this. The story is basic as shit. Big, bad guy comes and wants to transform the planet. Batman gathers Flash, Cyborg, Wonder Woman, and Aquaman to stop him. Along the way they bring Superman from the dead who promptly whips their asses. Together they battle the bad guy and a bunch of henchmen in clouds of dust and murk. Jesus, this movie is murky as fuck with super shaky effects. And some things do not need to be in slow motion. Fast movie shit looks cooler sometimes. I also kept thinking Superman looked weird and then remembered that they had to digitally remove his mustache for this movie. He just looks strange especially when he smiles. 


There are some small things that could have really helped this movie. Like using Flash from the series. Toss in all the people from the DC television shows! They are established and have been around for years now. Nah. The Flash they chose for this is not as funny as people have been saying. It's like the Wonder Woman effect. That movie was not that good but compared to BvS and Man Of Steel it was a delight. If I wanna save the world I am not gonna bring a kid that can't fight, a robot man that gets new powers he can't control every time he wakes up, a water dude that doesn't give a shit about the world, a regretful Batman, an Amazonian that hasn't done fuck all on over 60 years, and an out of control alien that could destroy the world that just came back from the dead. If you wanna see a good Justice League movie check out Justice League War. DC makes way better animated movies than live action ones. Thankfully this shit was short.

Click here for previous Theater Whore.

No comments: