Batman
V Superman Dawn of Justice 2/10
Spoilers
so shut up and everything colored is a link. Punch, kick, sad, fight, sad, talk, punch, mope. That is
pretty much what I took away from this movie. The reason I give it a
2 instead of a 1 is because Batman looked cool. This movie takes
place just 18 months after the last one where Superman and General
Zod fucked up Metropolis during their fight killing and injuring
thousands of people. Batman just happened to be nearby when this
occurred and he is all like “Nuh-uh. Not on my watch.” Oh, and
Lex Luther is also pulling strings in the most cartoon super villain
of ways while acting like The Riddler.
Batman
played by Ben Affleck is easily the best part of this movie but not as
much as I've heard people say. He can only do so much with this
tissue thin story. I couldn't even mark out at the Batmobile because
it looked like a video game. Superman played by Henry Cavill wants to
stop Batman because the Batman in this version of the DC Universe
acts more like Owl Man and kills and scars criminals. Wonder Woman
played by Gal Gadot is there to look pretty and growl a lot. Lex
Luthor played by Jesse Eisenberg acts like...Jesse Eisenberg. He's
not scary. His plan is stupid.
And
don't get me started on Doomsday. He is created from the corpse of
Zod and turned into a giant piece of shit that has every super power.
This son of a bitch has strength, laser vision, can regenerate limbs,
a nuke can not stop him, and he can shot radioactive blasts from his
entire body. And Lois Lane played by Amy Adams is there to get saved
a few times. Love how he can hear her in trouble all the way the fuck
in Africa but doesn't know when his own mother in Smallville, Kansas is being kidnapped and held hostage just to get him to fight Batman.
I am
sure that someone reading this is calling me a DC hater not being
aware that I love most of their animated films and have two Batman
tattoos on my body. I'm not even a Zack Snyder hater because I liked
Watchmen and 300. I like Affleck and wrote a post in defense of him
playing Batman when it was announced. Cavill I don't know much about
but judging from these last two Superman films he has the same
problem the last few guys that have played him have: they look the
part but there is no soul to the character. Batman and Luthor have
the same goal in this film but won't work together which would make
more sense.
I feel
bad for any kid where this is their first exposure to either of these
characters. These not fun or hopeful messes on screen that made me
feel no emotion while watching other than annoyance. Oh, and when I
thought the movie was getting set to end I looked down at my watch
(never a good sign) and saw there was another hour and ten minutes to
go. This movie didn't need anyone in it but Superman and maybe tease
Wonder Woman at the end. But they managed to toss in Flash, Cyborg, a
laughable Aquaman scene, and what is being called Doomsday.
This
was not a fun movie in any way. Just bleak as fuck and I can't
believe that so many of the upcoming films hinge on this one. I know
it has done great financially so of course more are coming but that
doesn't mean I'll be seeing them. Oh, and killing Superman but not
really? Come on.
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