The Review: Almost Christmas

Almost Christmas 6/10

We watch this movie called Almost Christmas. I had never heard of this movie. It has a large cast of black actors and actresses from multiple films over the years. This is about this man named Walter Myers whose wife recently passed away and he has all of his kids over for the holidays. You can already tell how this is going to go. They either cannot get along or don't seem much like siblings at all really. You have one daughter who has a child of her own is a single and full-on I don't need a man mode you have another one who's a dentist and has a husband who's a man whore. You have a son who is running in the hopes of being in Congress. And you also have a son that's in college and just about to get off of injury reserve who has a pill addiction. There's some funny parts of this movie but for the most part it's very cookie cutter. The father wants to sell the house and the kids don't want him to sell it. They want to save a shelter and the son is conflicted because he knows it will help him and his political career. And throughout the movie the father's trying to recreate a pie recipe that his wife used to make. I could not really suggest watching this movie though it's something that if it was on in the background whenever you heard fighting or shouting you would know to look at the screen to see something interesting happening.

Danny Glover as Walter Meyers

Sebrena Farmer as Grace Meyers

Kimberly Elise as Dr. Cheryl Meyers, DDS

Romany Malco as Christian Meyers

Gabrielle Union as Rachel Meyers

Jessie T. Usher as Evan Meyers

Mo'Nique as Aunt May Deveraux Johnson-Davis

J.B. Smoove as Lonnie Maclay

Nicole Ari Parker as Sonya Meyers

Omar Epps as Malachi

John Michael Higgins as Andy Brooks

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The Review: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them 9/10

A few months back I finished watching all the rest of the Harry Potter films with L. We even watched the reunion special and everything. She had asked if I saw Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them and I hadn't but knew they were somehow connected to the Potter films but not how or anything. Only thing I really knew was the star of this and that was it. Why didn't anyone tell me that this movie was this damned good? I'm mad. This is about a wizard from Britain named Newt Scamander who is in New York (this is in the 1920's). He spots a woman talking mad shit about witches even though she looks like one. Newt ends up mixing his suitcase that is full of dangerous ass magical animals up with this guy named Jacob who is looking for a loan to open a bakery. One of the animals that gets loose is a Niffler and it is the best creature ever. I want one. This wizard named Tina arrests him for bringing dangerous animals to the country and we got to see the Magical Congress of the United States whose answer to everything is “Just erase their memories.” Oh, and the city is being attacked by this demon cloud. Like, it just rips through buildings, people, whatever and then disappears. Its spooky as hell.

The Review: Ajin Demi Human

 

Ajin Demi-Human 5/10

I heard about this while watching Corridor Digital after a guest talked about how wasted of an opportunity that move The Old Guard had with the fact that the characters could not die. I ended up watching both seasons of this in two days. Not that it was that damned good but the episodes were short and it was a very watchable show. There is this kid named Kei Nagai that gets hit by a truck and comes back to life. How? There are these things called Ajin and people are terrified of them and the governments all over want to study them for all kinda reasons. The kid ends up getting captured and tortured before escaping and running with then away from this extremist dude named Satou who is also a Ajin who just wants to treat everything like a game instead of fighting for Ajin rights like he pretends. This could have been a movie or two. I think watch the first and last three episodes of each season will give you enough information regarding this series. They tease a third season but I'm good.

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The Review: Hunt For The Wilderpeople

Hunt For The Wilderpeople 9/10

Spoilers ahead. Well, what the hell? I have heard of this movie Hunt For The Wilderpeople for a few years now. I was hunting for something to watch after a marathon of watching Uhh Yeah Dude because they dropped a bunch of episodes on Youtube for free. I have seen the directors movies. Some of them. Loved What We Do In The Shadows. Loved Thor Ragnarok. Gonna watch Jojo Rabbit soon I assure you. Just never really looked for this movie until it popped up on Kanopy. Oh, Kanopy. Its a free movie site available if you have a library card. That and Hoopla. And in case you didn't know you can listen to and download songs through Freegal with a library card. Shout out to librarians. So yeah. I watched this movie and loved it. This is about a bad ass kid that gets dropped off in the middle of nowhere to live with this nice lady and her husband who wants nothing to do with this kid. She ends up passing away and that shit caught me super off guard. I assumed I knew how this movie would go and had no idea.

The Review: The People V OJ Simpson

The People V OJ Simpson 9/10

If you hated OJ before The People V OJ Simpson you will hate him even more after watching. This aired on 2016 on FX but I watched this on Netflix. When I used to see ads for this I had no desire to watch it. I lived through the shit so there was no need to check this out. But Cam watched it and said that it was really good so I gave it a try and was happy I did. This stars Sterling K. Brown as Christopher Darden, Kenneth Choi as Judge Lance Ito, Sarah Paulson as Marcia Clark, David Schwimmer as Robert Kardashian, John Travolta as Robert Shapiro, Courtney B. Vance as Johnnie Cochran, and Cuba Gooding Jr. as O.J. Simpson. Throughout this series I loved the acting and chemistry between Paulson and Brown. They were really fucking good. I also appreciated the show staying true to how people dressed and noticed that even on the freeway chase scene old cars were on the road. I pay attention to that kinda shit. One thing I did not like though was the budding relationship between the two of them. I doubt that really happened and it made me make cringy sounds.

The Review: Passengers

Passengers 0/10

Join me on a horror film where a man gets so desperate for company that he chooses to spend the rest of his life with Jennifer Lawrence! I'm kidding but not really. I just finished watching Passengers. This movie was gar-bahj. Dead serious. I already knew a lot about this before watching and thought it could not be as bad as I'd heard. It was worse. This was way worse than I thought. This is about 5,000 people and 258 crew members so miserable on Earth that they plan to move to a new planet called Homestead II and work shit out there. This trip takes 120 years so fuck you anyone that you knew back on Earth. One day Jim Preston played by Chris Pratt gets woken from his pod and stumbles around thinking everything is fine until he realizes that he's the only one awake. Turns out his ass woke up only 30 years into the trip. Uh-oh. What's a guy to do?!

The Review: Bad Ben

Bad Ben 8/10

Another week another horror movie with B&H. This time we watched a movie from 2016 called Bad Ben. I'd never heard of this festival of nonsense but I am so glad I watched it. It only cost a few hundred bucks and was filmed in the writer and directors house named Nigel Bach. He plays a guy named Tom Riley who bought a place from a sheriff's sale and wants to flip it and sale it. He is the only person in the movie and the only voice you hear and you will laugh at his voice often. When he says “Goddammit!” you will too. He looks around the house and finds things like crosses and bibles which he promptly tosses in the trash. He leaves and comes back and furniture is moved around. He thinks someone is doing this and activates a series of cameras in every part of the house along with filming it himself on his phone.

The Review: Before I Wake

Before I Wake 7/10

Today I watched this crazy ass movie called Before I Wake with B&H. They'd seen it already and like a lot of people they wanted to see my reaction to horror movie nonsense. As soon as the movie started I had a full glass of “Nope!” This stars Jacob Tremblay, Kate Bosworth who I kind of forgot existed, and Thomas Jane looking like an American Tommy Wiseau. I didn't know it was really Thomas Jane until we checked and he looked super rough. This starts with a dude rushing into a little boys room with a gun looking like he is about to shoot his ass until something attacks his ass. Next thing you know the couple played by Bosworth and Jane named Jessie and Mark “Hi, Mark!” Hobson adopt the same little boy. His name is Cody which was an automatic pass from me. Name your kid Cody, Logan, Tyler, Conner, Jake, Colin, or any variation of Jake and I'm gonna side-eye you.

The Review: Train To Busan

Train To Busan 8/10

I just finished watching this zombie movie from the director of Psychokenisis called Train To Busan. I had seen it advertised on Netflix but never wanted to watch it until I saw his other movie. The same way that was Korea's first superhero film this was their first zombie movie and holy shit they did a really good job. Something I want to point out before I forget is that they do not fight zombies with guns. I know, it sounds crazy. There is not a gun seen until the last few minutes of this and American films need to take note. I love shooting movies as much as the next guy (Deadpool and John Wick are amazing) but in other films it becomes too easy to just shoot a problem away. Even with a detective show like Luther it is not gun heavy. I like that.

The Review: Headshot

Headshot 7/10

I just finished watching this movie called Headshot on Netflix. Found it by accident which is how Netflix goes since they think they know what I want to see and hide what I really do. This is pretty much a long movie with a simple premise but that seems to be a thing with the few action movies I've seen from Indonesia. There is this weird ability to not know when to end the movie. I saw this because the guy, Iko Uwais, from The Raid and The Raid 2 starred in it and that dude can beat the shit out of folks with his elbows and knees. He washes up on a beach all jacked up after a flashback showing a prison escape that is prefaced on carelessness and police with bad aim.

The Review: Ash Vs Evil Dead Season 2

Ash Vs Evil Dead Season Two 10/10

There will be some spoilers. Thank god they added Ash Vs Evil Dead Season 2 to Netflix because no one has Starz! I ran through the second season in a few days and could not believe that it was better than the first season which I loved. This show is so damned well made and you can tell that the people involved, besides the people that were in the originals, love being a part of it. Every is into what they are doing and giving 100%. You know how on some shows there seem to be people that are all in? This is not one of those shows. This show is so fucking fun to watch and I am glad that next year there will be another season.

The Review: The Greasy Strangler

The Greasy Strangler 2/10

I checked out this movie Koko recommended called The Greasy Strangler. She told me what it was about and it sounded silly as all hell so I decided to check it out. Meh. I could have waited to see this. The movie is about a guy named Big Ronnie that loves grease. Everything he eats is greasy and he even wants it in his coffee. His son Brayden is a weird ass guy and together they do a touring group where they show people fake disco history in their town. They just lie to folks and ditch them. There is also a guy that is going around strangling people and leaving a bunch of grease behind. Gee, I wonder who it could be...

The Review: The Bad Batch

The Bad Batch 1/10

I think I am on a streak of watching shit films and gotta be careful. I decided to watch this movie The Bad Batch on Netflix after remembering seeing a cool trailer a while back and decided to give it a try. As soon as I saw Jason Momoa was in it I should have stopped but I am not a quitter, damn it! I just give up...slowly. So this girl named Arlen played by Suki Waterhouse is kicked out of a gate into a place that is considered not a part of America so anything goes. And by anything I mean cannibals because less than a day after being released she is taken by these two ladies who drug her and saw off her arm and leg for food because dirt people, am I right?!

The Review: Star Wars Rogue One

Star Wars Rogue One 2/10

I did not enjoy this movie. Full disclosure and as some of you may know, I did not grow up watching Star Wars. Knew what it was, had some toys, but did not see the movies until I was older and watched them in in order of Episode 1 through Episode 6 which Star Wars fans say you should never do. Too late. I did it. I was also confused waiting for that Black Storm Trooper to show up and then realized that I was watching the wrong movie. Either way I was already in and forcing myself to finish this one. I won't bother listing who is in it or anything like that because I don't feel like it. The basic premise is a girl's father helped create the Death Star, he leaves, her mom dies, she is abandoned by someone that was supposed to take care of her, she is arrested, she is forced to care about the war, she joins the war and helps them win.

The Review: I Am Not Your Negro

I Am Not Your Negro 9/10

“This is not the land of the free, only very unwillingly and sporadically the land of the brave.” I decided to watch this tonight not knowing what it was about or anything. I am glad that I did. I did not feel that same sense of hopeless dread I did after watching 13th. I couldn't even rate that movie. This movie, to me, is about American history as much as it is about the history of Black people in America. James Baldwin even points out that his ancestors did not ask or want to come to this country. This is narrated by Samuel L. Jackson. Don't let that turn you off if you are someone that doesn't enjoy him. He doesn't distract from this whatsoever.

The Review: Man Vs. Snake

Man Vs. Snake 8/10

Whoever would have thought that a documentary about a 80's video game that I never heard of could be so damned good? Man Vs. Snake is about the quest to get the world record in this game called Nibbler. I grew up playing a lot of video game sin arcades as a child and never heard of this one. The modern equivalent of it is called Snake. In 1984 in the small town of Ottumwa, Iowa a 16 year old kid named Tim McVey (not the terrorist as they point out) spent two days playing the game and set a world record for it. He got a key to the city and everything. It was a big deal. The way the game is set up if you have enough lives you can take a break and just let the character die for a few minutes.

The Review: The Girl With All The Gifts

The Girl With All The Gifts 8/10

There will be spoilers. I watched this movie called The Girl With All The Gifts after seeing it on a list of tings that I should have watched and my cousin Jasmine happened to mention it to me so I decided to check it out. This movie is really good. Just full of me shouting at the screen! Yes, this is a zombie movie but its not like the dozens of other ones that have come out in the last ten years. This movie had me wondering what the hell was happening from the very start all the way to the end of it which was cool because sometimes when something is zombie related you find out how it started and its stupid or you find out it will never end ever and you call it The Walking Dead. Seriously, how are you people still watching that shit? There is a fungal disease that is affecting the world and turning folks into zombies aka “hungries.” There is no cure. Just don't let 'em get their juices on you or bite you and you're fine...ish.

The Review: Kevin Hart What Now?

Kevin Hart What Now? 8/10

I am so glad that What Now? with Kevin Hart was funny. I did not enjoy Let Me Explain a few years back and thought that maybe Hart had lost his funny for me but this damn thing had me cracking up a lot. I recently watched Louis CK and Dave Chappelle's latest specials which were funny as fuck so this one had an uphill battle coming in. I laughed a bunch of times during this and was even into the short film at the start and end of this starring Hart and Halle Berry. How dare she still be so hot? Its a James Bond spoof where even Don Cheadle shows up and had me cracking up when Hart made fun of him as Black Iron Man. Its an actual good action film. Please don't make it a full film.

The Review: Hap And Leonard Season 1

Hap And Leonard 9/10

I had seen that Netflix had this Sundance Channel produced series called Hap And Leonard and ignored it for a couple months. Seriously, the name of the show alone made it sound like some show about rednecks. Even the description seemed uninteresting to me. Then I saw that Michael K. Williams was in it and decided to give it a chance not knowing that it is based off a series of books or anything. This show is ridiculously good. Its about two guys named Hap and Leonard. Williams plays Leonard Pine who is a gay Vietnam vet and Hap Collins is a draft dodger played by James Purefoy. They are best friends who are very different from one another but their friendship seems so real. They have the kind of chemistry that people on other shows and movies can only dream of.

The Review: 10 Cloverfield Lane

10 Cloverfield Lane 9/10

There will be some spoilers. It sucks that the fact that this movie had Cloverfield in it kept me from seeing 10 Cloverfield Lane last year. It seems like this came out more than a year ago. This movie did not have shay camera movements that made me wanna close my eyes just to not throw up. It also had an awesome story and the fact that there were pretty much three people carrying this made it that much better. This stars Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Michelle. She is driving down the road after leaving her fiance behind. While she is driving all of a sudden her car flips off of the road and she wakes up in a basement with an IV in her arm, her leg damaged, oh, and its chained to the damned wall.