The Review: Before I Wake

Before I Wake 7/10

Today I watched this crazy ass movie called Before I Wake with B&H. They'd seen it already and like a lot of people they wanted to see my reaction to horror movie nonsense. As soon as the movie started I had a full glass of “Nope!” This stars Jacob Tremblay, Kate Bosworth who I kind of forgot existed, and Thomas Jane looking like an American Tommy Wiseau. I didn't know it was really Thomas Jane until we checked and he looked super rough. This starts with a dude rushing into a little boys room with a gun looking like he is about to shoot his ass until something attacks his ass. Next thing you know the couple played by Bosworth and Jane named Jessie and Mark “Hi, Mark!” Hobson adopt the same little boy. His name is Cody which was an automatic pass from me. Name your kid Cody, Logan, Tyler, Conner, Jake, Colin, or any variation of Jake and I'm gonna side-eye you.

Theater Whore: Homefront

You should never poke a Jason Statham. A bunch of drug dealers, users, and bad guys learn this the hard way in Homefront. I wasn't dying to see this but movies that I want to see are few and far between this year so I gave this a chance. This is based off a book by Chuck Hogan but the screenplay was by Sylvester Stallone. Don't laugh. That man wrote Rocky. This movie starts off with Statham as Phil Broker who is an undercover DEA agent. The DEA raid this bar full of bikers and meth. Next thing you know Broker is chasing them on a motorcycle, using it as a weapon, and the lead biker's son is shot and killed. Drugs are bad, kids.

Now living in a small town in the South where nothing good ever happens. Seriously. You say the words “small town” and “in the South” I just sit back and wait for violence. His daughter who consistently made me yell at the screen punches and spin kicks a kid in the face. Now, this chubby bastard totally deserved it. He was a movie bully in every sense. He takes her hat and she whips him. She looked silly as hell in that hat and would never wear that for real's but its a plot device. Broker has to show up and try to smooth things over but the mother played by Kate Bosworth and her husband are having none of it.