The Review: Spring Breakers

Spring Breakers is the movie Koko and I were supposed to watch a few weeks ago when we accidentally watched Spring Break from the 1980's. This is a very (spring break...) different movie. This is the tale of a director that wanted to have as many nude girls that looked 13 as possible on film. Koko enjoyed this film while I only liked the parts where James Franco was on screen as the rapper/drug dealer named Alien. He was awesome.

This is the story of one religious (spring break...) fuck up girl and her three sociopath friends that all really want to go to spring break because life is so hard when you're a hot young White chick. Three of them decide to rob a waffle place and get enough for their trip. They go and drink, do coke, smoke weed, and end up (spring break...) arrested at a party. By the way, this movie is full of mumbling. These girls can mumble their asses off. It turns out that the one with the worst acting (spring break...) and least attractive is the directors wife. Go figure. Alien ends up bailing them out of jail because he thinks they are special.

Theater Whore: The Interview

The Interview 8/10

The fact that this movie was being treated the way it had with threats and such is hilarious after watching this. The Interview is funny as fuck. This is one of those movies like Stepbrothers or Tropic Thunder where you have to watch it a few times because you can easily miss funny moments because so many of them happen. Once you get past all the drama and shit involved with this movie just being released it makes it even funnier.

This is about James Franco as an entertainment show host named Dave Skylark. If you've seen Extra, Access Hollywood, or Entertainment Tonight you'll know what kinda show it is. His producer Aaron Rapoport played by Seth Rogen is confronted by a former classmate that points out that he works on 60 Minutes so what he does is more important. After being conflicted over his feelings about this, Dave brings him the story of Kim Jong-un played by Randall Park being a fan and decide to try and get an interview with him.

Theater Whore: Homefront

You should never poke a Jason Statham. A bunch of drug dealers, users, and bad guys learn this the hard way in Homefront. I wasn't dying to see this but movies that I want to see are few and far between this year so I gave this a chance. This is based off a book by Chuck Hogan but the screenplay was by Sylvester Stallone. Don't laugh. That man wrote Rocky. This movie starts off with Statham as Phil Broker who is an undercover DEA agent. The DEA raid this bar full of bikers and meth. Next thing you know Broker is chasing them on a motorcycle, using it as a weapon, and the lead biker's son is shot and killed. Drugs are bad, kids.

Now living in a small town in the South where nothing good ever happens. Seriously. You say the words “small town” and “in the South” I just sit back and wait for violence. His daughter who consistently made me yell at the screen punches and spin kicks a kid in the face. Now, this chubby bastard totally deserved it. He was a movie bully in every sense. He takes her hat and she whips him. She looked silly as hell in that hat and would never wear that for real's but its a plot device. Broker has to show up and try to smooth things over but the mother played by Kate Bosworth and her husband are having none of it.

Theater Whore: This Is The End

I put off for a long while watching This Is The End and I’m not quite sure why. It has done well but I have only heard from one person I knew that it was good. So I finally watched it and laughed my damned ass off. This was one of the funniest movie I’ve seen since Tropic Thunder and Stepbrothers. This is about a bunch of friends, all celebrities, that end up experiencing the end of the world during a party and trying to figure out how to survive it.

Jay Baruchel shows up to meet with his friend Seth Rogen to go to a party. Jay isn’t all that excited about going since he doesn’t really know the people there and had a particular hatred for Jonah Hill. They spend the day getting high and then head over to James Franco’s house. Jay manages to upset Craig Robinson, Emma Watson, and witnesses Michael Cera, who is creepy and high as fuck, getting a blowjob and his ass eaten while drinking a Capri Sun in the bathroom. Rihanna ends up slapping him for smacking her ass. 

After Jay and Seth head to the store suddenly there are explosions and people are zapped with blue light that sends them floating into the sky. Jay and Seth race back to Franco’s home and everything there is fine. They don’t believe anything until earthquakes happen and a hole opens up outside and folks start falling into a fire pit. 

DVDiculous: The Letter

East asked if I had seen a movie called The Letter that had come out last year starring James Franco and Winona Ryder. She didn't like it. I like the two of them just fine as actors so I gave it a try. Wow. What a boring ass movie. I'm not even mad. I'm confused. Even as I watched it I asked myself “Why was this made? Who is this for?”

Here is what the movie is described as on Wikipedia. I will not adjust any of the spelling errors. “A playwright, Martine (Ryder) suffers from paranoia and hallucations as she attempts to stage a new production. She is uncertain over whether she is deluded or if there is a plot against her. Tyrone (Franco) is an actor in Martine's new play.” Now, that sounds like it could be interesting, but its totally not. If I saw this in the theater I would be pissed not only for wasting money but because its so fucking quiet that I know my stomach would growl at all the wrong times. By the time it gets to the part where she totally loses her shit I'd already cashed out.