Theater Whore: Justice League

Justice League 1/10

This is not a fun movie. You'd think a movie with all of these characters would at the very least be fun but it was very much not. It wasn't even cool. With superhero or comic book based movies if you can't get anything right the very least you can do is make characters look like they are supposed to or cool. That does not happen with this. And for anyone that says I am a Marvel whore and love all their movies (which I don't) I have a goddamn Batman tattoo on my right arm and a Warner Bros. based one on the left. So kiss my ass. I have no brand loyalty, not even with the toothpaste or toilet paper I buy. I just wanna be entertained...and have nice breath and a clean ass.

The Review: The Bad Batch

The Bad Batch 1/10

I think I am on a streak of watching shit films and gotta be careful. I decided to watch this movie The Bad Batch on Netflix after remembering seeing a cool trailer a while back and decided to give it a try. As soon as I saw Jason Momoa was in it I should have stopped but I am not a quitter, damn it! I just give up...slowly. So this girl named Arlen played by Suki Waterhouse is kicked out of a gate into a place that is considered not a part of America so anything goes. And by anything I mean cannibals because less than a day after being released she is taken by these two ladies who drug her and saw off her arm and leg for food because dirt people, am I right?!

You Had One Job: Aquaman Movie

The image for Jason Momoa as the new Aquaman was released and women loved it and guys were confused. I can be upset about the fact that Momoa looks absolutely nothing like Aquaman and more like Conan the Barbarian or Drogo from Game of Thrones. 

When I first heard that he was playing Aquaman what bothered me most is the fact that I do not enjoy him as an actor unless he is growling at things. I watched his movie Wolves and it was just terrible. Just terrible. And in that he growled at things and shouted a lot. That movie made less than $40,000 opening weekend and even that was more than I thought that film deserved to make. If you ever come across it on cable you will not even laugh at how bad it is. It's just regular bad. 

Momoa quelled some of my fears during a recent interview were he said “It's Batman and Superman. It's not my movie. It's the first time in history to have them both on the screen together, and I'm just excited to see those two up there. Justice League is still quite a ways away. But I'm looking forward to it. Henry's a sweetheart, Ben is a badass, so I'm really looking forward to when we all shoot Justice League.”

Theater Whore: Wolves

Wolves 3/10

I heard about this movie Wolves and decided to check it out because I have a lot of free time and I like werewolves. This is the story of a guy that ends up wolfing up during a high school football game and beating the hell out of another player. After attempting to rape his girlfriend because his wolf sperm is out of control he wakes up back at home with his parents murdered. He bones out and ends up on the run with his cool motorcycle and nothing else.

'Cause he's a cool guy.

He ends up in a small town where half the town is bad werewolves and the other half just kinda wanna be left alone. He crosses paths with the worst bad one, played by Jason Momoa, who of course is supposed to bone the hot chick that he likes. He finds out some dirty secrets and ends up battling all the bad guys for her affection...and the chance to put a wolf baby up in her.

Theater Whore: Conan The Barbarian

Now this is what’s called a shitty film. Is it shitty because of the acting? The effects? The dialogue? The directing? Yes to everything above. This was pretty bad all around. A lot of people have to defend themselves against not liking this by saying that they weren’t huge fans of the Arnold versions. I hold no special place in my heart for the old movie or the comics. I liked the cartoon though.

What the movie doesn’t make up for in what is bad it does with lots of Conan screaming orders. “Hey!” Yeah, that’s about it. The actor playing him, Jason Momoa (Baywatch Hawaii, Game Of Thrones, Stargate: Atlantis) is a living mannequin. There is nothing special about what he brings except the fact that he looks the part. He’s actually the least terrifying person in the movie. He was scarier at 12. Speaking of which…