Theater Whore: Batman V Superman Dawn Of Justice

Batman V Superman Dawn of Justice 2/10

Spoilers so shut up and everything colored is a link. Punch, kick, sad, fight, sad, talk, punch, mope. That is pretty much what I took away from this movie. The reason I give it a 2 instead of a 1 is because Batman looked cool. This movie takes place just 18 months after the last one where Superman and General Zod fucked up Metropolis during their fight killing and injuring thousands of people. Batman just happened to be nearby when this occurred and he is all like “Nuh-uh. Not on my watch.” Oh, and Lex Luther is also pulling strings in the most cartoon super villain of ways while acting like The Riddler.

Who Is The Best Superman?

A few days ago I watched the latest Superman film Man Of Steel and enjoyed it. It got me to thinking of all the guys that have played Superman in a live action movie and who was the best one? There are a few things that have to happen for it to be considered Superman and for some reason it doesn't always happen. He has to come from Krypton, fly, be hurt by Kryptonite, and look the part. Superman has a certain look that is mostly in the guy in the costume more than the costume itself.

You don't count!

Pictured is Tom Welling from the Smallville series. I'm not including him in this list for a lot of different reasons. He doesn't wear the costume until the very last episode of ten seasons of horseshit and even then it isn't a clear image of him. Plus he looks like he cries into pillows at night. Superman cant have that image, damn it! This is just the movies and one of the series because it actually featured a costumed Superman.

Theater Whore: Man Of Steel

Finally! The Ross has come back to…Theater Whore! Yes, that was a terrible imitation of The Rock. Shut up. But seriously, it has been way too damn long since I have dragged my ass to the movies and can write a review. I was gonna see Star Trek a few weeks ago but ended up staying home, talking on the phone, and cleaning because fuck outdoors. Today I headed up to The Arclight in Hollywood which is actually on Sunset and saw Man Of Steel.

Oh, there are gonna be a lot of spoilers.

This is gonna be different from my past reviews because I haven’t done this in a while and I really want to focus on all the good things that happened in this movie. A lot of people were against it from the start because Zack Snyder directed it. I liked his film Watchmen, 300, and Sucker Punch so I wasn’t worried about him. I wasn’t even worried about Henry Cavill playing Superman because he looked the part. I was worried about liking the actual movie.

Theater Whore: Immortals

I cant even begin to cover this movie like a normal movie review. If you heard my latest The Rant Zone podcast you know that I was super excited to see this movie. When I first saw the trailer for it I didn’t care whether or not the plot made sense of if the acting was terrible. I just wanted to see some slow motion fighting and lots of swords cutting folks heads off. Yeah, I did get that but mixed in with a whole lotta nonsense I didn’t want.

Superman finally lost his shit.

Immortals stars Henry Cavill (Man Of Steel, The Tudors) as Theseus. He lives in a poor ass village on the side of a mountain that is going to be invaded by Mickey Rourke’s (Sin City, Rumble Fish, The Wrestler) King Hyperion. Theseus sees his mom get her throat slit and vows to start whipping evil ass. Hyperion is looking for a cool ass bow that shoots magic arrows that can kill gods. After that he wants to set the Titans free to wreck shit on Earth because his family got killed and now he don’t care about nothing anymore. Aww. I think a hug would’ve solved all of this. Theseus gets captured but instead of killing him Hyperion makes him a slave. He breaks free with the help of thief and possible rapist Stephen Dorff (fuck him, I’m not listing his movies!) and they go to fight some more.