Theater Whore: Chronicle

This movie kicked all kinds of ass. White ass. Blacker ass. Latino ass. Ass ass. I know, I know. This isn’t a thing where I have seen so many shit films in a row or disappointing ones (The Help, The Iron Lady, The Grey, The The) and finally saw something awesome and got overly excited. I assure you. Chronicle was a fantastic superhero film and as soon as this shit is on DVD I am buying it!

The film is shot from the perspective of one of the kids named Andrew. Hey! No! Stop that! I know that there have been a bunch of movies that are handheld or security cameras but this isn’t like that. I’ll explain more later. So Andrew is the kid in school that is made fun of. He has an abusive father. His mother is dying. He gets picked on. Its my life in high school except my mother isn’t dying…quickly.

With great power comes great responsi--fuck that.

Andrew gets a big ass camera and walks around school and home filming everything, even his father beating his ass. For anyone that says that wouldn’t happen a chick filmed her parents beating her and it got out last year. Andrew’s cousin Matt likes him but knows that he’s a weird guy but tries to get him to open up and put the damned camera down. He doesn’t.

At a party one of the most popular kids in school, Steve, spots Andrew after he gets fucked with by a guy for filming his girlfriend dancing at a party. Steve and Matt found a hole in the ground where something struck. They head down into the hole and find this glowing rock that has like some weird…thing inside of it. Steve gets too close and his nose starts bleeding and suddenly the camera goes dark. I was ready to get pissed off when this happened but that shit was quickly shut down.

"This time it was the Black guy." Actual quote from the movie.

The scene starts back with all three of them practicing their new powers. They throw baseballs at each others faces until Andrew, who seems to be picking up on how to use his powers the fastest, stops the ball mid-air. They get nosebleeds when they use their powers too much and headaches. They try and get back to where the weird rock landed but cops have shut the area down because the ground collapsed.

Later when driving home some guy starts tailgating them and Andrew waves his hand smashing the front of the car and sending it off the road and into a lake. Matt and Steve jump in and save the driver. While Matt is calling for an ambulance Andrew is like “Was that bad? The part where I made the car do that?” and his cousin Matt is like “Yes! We need fucking rules!” No more public practice. Never on living things.

Between this and Twilight the skies of Seattle are a damned playground.

Steve calls them later on and shows that he has figured out that they can fly. After some failed attempts they are shown flying through the air playing football in what looks way too much fucking fun. Suddenly a plane comes out of nowhere, which they tend to do, and sends them crashing to the ground. They survive and Steve is super grateful to Andrew for saving his life. They become closer and Steve convinces Andrew who is ultra shy to enter the school talent show which he kicks ass in using their powers. Now he is popular.

At the party where they all get drunk Andrew almost loses his virginity but ends up vomiting on a girl. Its all downhill from here. Now everyone is back to making fun of him. He ends up seeing a kid that made fun of him and yanks three of his teeth out. He’s been sitting at home getting better at his powers. By this point you see that he is getting darker and losing control.

If your kid has this face...move. 

Later after a fight with his father Andrew leaves. Matt and Steve start to have nosebleeds and sense something is wrong with him. Steve finds him high in the air at a building being constructed and tries to convince him that he is his friend and to come with him. Andrew loses his shit and hits Steve with lightning, killing him because he's Black and his days were numbered. At the funeral Matt confronts Andrew who is using his powers publicly and flies away in broad daylight.

He doesn't like Transformers either. 

Andrew ends up using his powers to rob the guys who messed with him daily on his street. Brutally. He robs a gas station for money and ends up accidentally blowing up the place and ending up in the hospital. This is the point where some people say “Hey, this is like Akira!!!” to which I reply “Have you seen Akira? Have you actually watched Akira? For real?” If Akira was like this the film that is being done would be done. And according to assholes any movie that has a hospital battle of trouble (hey, Dark Knight had one!) is copying Akira. Whatever.

Andrew’s dad shows up and says that his mom is dead and its Andrew’s fault. Andrew is in a half coma and suddenly awakes when his dad tries to punch him. The room explodes and Matt, who is at a party with a chick I haven’t mentioned in this review until this point because she kinda annoyed me and is super bitchy, has a massive nosebleed and rushes to find Andrew who drops his dad from the sky. Matt saves him and flies up to face.

"Back door! Back door!!!"

Everyone is like “What the fuck was that?!” and I’m all like “I know, right?!” Andrew is completely out of his mind now. He is throwing cops in the air. Flinging cars around. They start fighting all over the city in the best superhero fight ever filmed. Why? Because there’s damage. The shit looks real. You see footage from security cameras and police cars. Andrew has Matt and the chicks car on the space needle at one point. Fuck, it was awesome!

Andrew lets Matt know that he is now an apex predator and that he can do whatever he wants. Andrew starts flipping SWAT teams around and kicking his cousin Matt’s ass until finally Matt sends a spear from a statue through his heart killing him. The cops try to grab him and he just flies off. He lands in Tibet, where Andrew always wanted to visit, and salutes him ending the movie.

"We're gonna be friends forever, right? Right...?"

This film was directed by Josh Trank and written by Max Landis. I started looking up Landis’ stuff and he has the funniest fucking video in Youtube called The Death & Return Of Superman (link should be in this area). This movie was cool for so many reason. I was ready to be disappointed a bit because of shit like I Am Number 4. I didn’t need to. Before I saw this my favorite superhero movies were Dark Knight and Unbreakable. Chronicle is now number two.

Watching them use their powers to fuck with people, each other, and the entire practicing sequences were entertaining as hell. Besides the slightly annoying chick with the camera I have nothing to bad to say about this film except the fact that it ended. I don’t want it to have a sequel or anything. I love it as is. Go see it as soon as you can.