Theater Whore: The Grey

“Lets get a large branch sharpen the edge of it. We’re gonna cook this son of a bitch…then we’re gonna eat it.”

After watching this film I now believe that Liam Neeson is the manliest of all men in the history of menkind. Fully aware that this is not a real word but whatever. For months I have watched the trailer for this just for one scene. I didn’t care about what happened as long as I got to see Liam Neeson square off against a goddamn wolf in the middle of nowhere. Uh…yeah. Spoilers below.

Now this movie is kinda hard to review because even though a lot of things happen it all takes place in the same place. I can just say “Its snowing and its cold” and that’ll cover what this movie looks like. I turned my heat on while watching it (meaning my stove).

So the movie starts with Liam looking miserable as he and his crew of oil workers train to take out a asteroid that’s heading towards the Earth by drilling a large amount of explosives into the core of the asteroid and saving the planet. Or…its his last day and they are boarding a plane to head back home. He hears a wolf and takes that mofo out with a sniper rifle.

The crew board a plane and Liam just wants to sleep. The rest of the crew are well fleshed out but I cant be bothered to name all of them. There’s a Latino, Normal Dude, an Asshole, a Stupid Asshole, a Blacker, a dude you know is gonna die fast, and the rest. The plane crashes after Stupid Asshole talks about the plane crashing. Liam wakes up and the plane is wrecked and there are dead people everywhere.

The dude you know is gonna die fast does. The start a fire and attempt to stay warm and wait for help. And then a big ass wolf comes out and attacks one of them. Liam knows how wolves are and knows that there will be more of them coming. He spots a chick but she’s already been eaten. After a few more attacks they decide to leave but take everyone’s wallets for their families when they are saved. Yeah.

As they travel the wolves take them out one by one. Some of them are hurt, some are being dicks, and the Blacker is having trouble breathing. One dude gets killed while they are hiking away. Another is killed while taking a piss while keeping watch. While all this stuff is going on Liam keeps having flashbacks of his wife back home all snuggly in bed...the bitch. The crew kill a wolf that attacked them and cook and eat it.

Fast forward to a cliff jump and more trouble. Stupid Asshole gets killed, Latino dies, the Blacker dies during his sleep without saying what was wrong with him in the first place. Now there’s Asshole, Liam, and Normal Dude. Asshole ends up giving up and just telling them to leave him to die. Normal Dude falls into a river and gets his foot trapped in the water drowning him.

He’s the last one left and lays out all the wallets in tribute to the men who have died. Liam continues walking, dripping wet with ice cold water, and hears a wolf. Then more. He’s in the middle of their damned den! Aah! Aah! Aah! He takes some small bottles and his knife and squares off against the alpha wolf. Just as they rush each other…

The movie ends.

The scene I had waited the entire time to see does not happen. After the credits they show the wolf dead and Liam laying there likely dead. Bah! I mean, I liked this movie. They did a lot with a little but I really wanted to see him go nuts on a wolf. You do find out why he looked so miserable so I'll let you find that out yourself.

People are pissed because four real wolf bodies were used. Not to punch but to eat. They were already dead because people do hunt and kill these. Seriously, if this upsets you then get over it. There are way more interesting things to get mad about. So that’s it. No need to rush out and see this. Its cool, but…sad.