Friday, February 14, 2014

DVDiculous: Girls Against Boys

I was doing some clean up on my Facebook page and found this movie Girls Against Boys that my friend Miss J. posted over a year ago and the trailer for it seemed cool. So I decided to watch it tonight and boy was I disappointed. I This was really bad! No, not just because it stars two skinny dames. That's not it at all. The music, the acting, the story, it was all just ass. If they were trying to go for a comedy about how rapey men are then they may have hit their mark. But to take this as a drama(?) or horror(?) film, I just can't.

This is one of those films where you watch a character and go “Why are you doing that?! Stop! Oh, great. Now you're doing something even dumber!” Its about this college girl named Shae who has the worst luck ever. She gets dumped by her man who is separated but decides to stay with his wife and child. Then she ditches her friend to go to a party with this chick Lu and they go to a party and head home with these guys. Nope.

Eat that burger, damn it!

She heads home with this guy and does everything a sensible person, not just a woman, shouldn't do. He rapes her in her hallways and I'm like “Are there no other people living in this building?!” She goes to the guy who broke up with her and he's all “Bitch, you can't just show up at my home!” He takes her home, she makes out with him then changes her mind, the he tries to force himself on her until she screams for him to stop. Meanwhile Lu is shooting a cop in the asshole. That is not a typo.

Right in the gooch.

The rest of the movie is these two acting like insane Thelma & Louise. They kill the two guys whose house they went to even though they didn't do anything besides be super stereotypical nerdy frat guys. Then they find the guy that raped her and saw his feet off and blow his brains out. Done. Right? Nope.

They go and find the married guy that if anyone should kill him is the wife he cheated on and kidnap him and kill him in the woods. Lu thinks all men are bad and that if you're gonna kill one you might as well kill them all. So far out of the five men that they have killed only one really deserved it. Those two guys did nothing. The cop was just being a perv. And the married dude broke up with the girl. So for the fuck of it a nice guy at Shae's school that likes her gets sliced with a sword by Lu.

It turns out that most if not all of this did not happen and that it was just in Shae's head. Now, before I get to the fact that fuck that premise let me talk about revenge. I'm all about it. Love it. One of the best things created. The Crow is my favorite film and its all about getting your revenge on. But these two kill guys that didn't do anything to them. They have a 20% revenge success rate! Now on to this being in her head.

If its in her head, fine. I can accept that. But if its in her head and it didn't even happen then fuck this piece of shit film! Maybe if this had been written or directed by a woman the direction would've been different. But this was directed and written by the same guy and his version of guys is from Girls Gone Wild and the two women wear one outfit: shirt black dress and cut off shorts. This movie was bullshit, don't bother watching it. Now I know why it only made $6,000 in theaters. It was a bootleg Fight Club. If you really want to see a cool ass revenge movie watch The Woman.

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