Thursday, February 13, 2014

Insert Coin: RoboCop

"RoboCop was released in 1988 by Nihon Bussan/AV Japan. In the game, a player controls RoboCop who advances through various stages that are taken from the 1987 movie. The bonus screen is a target shooting range that uses a first-person perspective. The intermission features digitized voices from the actors."

RoboCop was one of those Nintendo games I borrowed for a long time because if I owned it I would have either tricked someone into trading with me or put my face through the screen. After seeing the movie when I was young I stupidly assumed that this game would be badass. It wasn't. It was weird and slow and not full of as much action as I was expecting.

Aah, mud men!

The bonus rounds were how the game should've been. RoboCop isn't as much a chaser as he is a reactor. Bad guys come at him and he shoots them in the dick. This was around the time when Nintendo liked cranking out games that were just damned near close to impossible to beat. And since this wasn't a game I owned that meant that any free time I had needed to be spent trying to destroy this shit. But how can I defeat crime and dogs?

Yeah. Dogs hurt you. A robot man with a gun could be killed by a damned dog! This should be something used to slow RoboCop down, not actually, like, kill him. The last boss is the ED-209 that for whatever reason is pink and can only shoot downwards. If the horrible techno music you're bombarded with doesn't kill you nothing will. Then there's a cheesy ass ending with you committing cold blooded murder by working around Directive 4. Its just...ugh. He survived being in WCW. He can survive anything I guess.

Thought I was lying, didn't you?!

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