Theater Whore: The Woman

“She’ll be fine. She’ll be okay. Get a cold cloth for your mother, Peg.”

This is what is said by the father, Chris Cleek, after two hooks and a body blow to his wife in the kitchen when she finally takes a stand. I’m jumping way ahead of myself. I just watched The Woman and I am super fucking hyper right now. This movie totally reminds me of crazy ass horror films like The Hills Had Eyes, Day Of The Woman, or Carrie. Just fucking messed up and insane for all the right reasons. Or wrong ones if you happen to be experiencing anything that happens. I had seen a trailer for this awhile ago and forgotten about it until yesterday. This was directed by Lucky McGee, which is too happy a name for such a goddamn honked up film.

Mr. Cleek is a town lawyer and likable enough guy. That is until you see how he is behind closed doors. He treats his family like shit except for his punk ass son who is just as insane as he is. He sits in class thinking of ways to be a dick to anyone who is better than him. The daughter is miserable as hell with a concerned teacher. The wife is the saddest thing to see on Earth. And the little daughter is just there to be cute. Seems like a pretty average family, right?

Wrong! One day while hunting the father stumbles upon a girl who is bathing nude in a lake. Though she is in water she is filthy as all hell. He orders his family to clean the cellar but does not tell them why. People who own cellars tend to hide bad shit by the way. He comes back the next day with a net which we all know is the most dreaded of contraptions, and captures her. He ties her up with her arms and legs spread standing. He touches her face and she ends up biting his index finger off and spitting his wedding ring out and then looks him right in the eyes and she swallows his finger. Then he knocks her out.

He tells his family that he is gonna rehabilitate her. And by rehabilitate I mean he rapes her in the middle of the night while his wife lays in bed crying. The daughter is still a sad sack and the son is learning how to be a Pervatron-6500 by watching his dad fuck the animal chick. They end up cleaning her and making her wear clothes. And by cleaning her I mean taking her outside and using a power hose on her bare flesh. She growls and spits at them but never says actual words. Eventually the mom has had enough and gets five across the eye for it.

The daughters teacher shows up at the house concerned because she thinks the daughter is pregnant and hiding it from everyone. Turns out she is! The father uses this as an excuse to knock the teacher out and drag her to the barn with the dogs. Oh, but she isn’t getting fed to the dogs. She is getting fed to their secret daughter that is like a fucking wild animal that has one eye (a condition known as Anophthalmia). She literally starts tearing the flesh out of the teacher while the son and father watch. The daughter frees The Woman and she sees the mother and rips her face off. Then she grabs a stick and slices and kills the son before ripping the fathers heart out. Oh, and then she takes the younger daughter and wild animal girl off into the woods. Good for her.

This was a cool ass film and I wish it had gotten more recognition than it did. Its pretty graphic and the acting isn’t the best in the world, but I’ll be damned if The Woman played by Pollyanna McIntosh didn’t make me believe she didn’t know a lick of Ainglish. Turns out she is cute as hell in real life. Observe the magical powers of both soap and water!

Calgon take me away...

Check this out if you can. Especially if you like tales of revenge.