"Bad Ass Mofo": Lance Henrikson

“If I'm going to have a rough time doing it, then that's what I'll do. If I'm in the comfort zone, I can't. I have to get off-balance enough to be alive.” Lance Henrikson

When you have the ability to make Steve Buscemi seem like a friendly neighbor you know you’re something special. This weeks Bad Ass Mofo is the one and only Lance Henrikson! This guy by all accounts of his childhood should be a criminal or dead. They say his mom was a model and his dad was a boxer and merchant sailor. And by “they” I mean the internets so who knows if its true. His parents may actually be from another planet which would be the least shocking bit of information ever. At the age of 12 he also said “Fuck learning!” or likely “Phuk LuR-Nin!” and didn’t learn to read until he was 30. That gave him lots of free time to master the art of looking evil as fuck! He also has the ability to make a Katherine Bigelow film watchable as evidenced by his role in Near Dark.

As one of the only likeable people with the name Lance, he has starred in some of the coolest films ever filmed. He was close to being The Terminator. Not in it, but as it! Could you imagine how that would’ve been?! OJ Simpson got turned down for the part and you see how that turned out. Henrikson was also in Aliens as the android Bishop. He bled milk! And what child didn’t stab themselves in the hand trying o imitate the knife trick? Apparently he was in The Last Samurai. Not the version you’re thinking of because in this one he is searching for his ancestors in Africa. Someone needs a map! Amongst his many adventures he was arrested when he was younger after being in the car with a criminal after hitchhiking. The cops saw his ass and were like “No way in hell you’re innocent, fella!” and he spent months behind bars. Which translates to him allowing them to hold him there. Like manmade bars could actually trap him.

Being known for being creepy and silently evil is not all Lance does. He played a awesome father on the show Millennium. Yet another show Fox cancelled too soon! One of those actors that never seems to get the recognition he deserves (except from women who want to grind his bones to dust sexually) he seems like a cool dude to hang out with. I wonder if he ever gets harassed by nerds or if he scares them off with a look. I doubt it since he’s what Cthulhu checks under its bed for. Seriously. I asked.