“Set five years after the events of Contra III: The Alien Wars, an elite team of commandos called the ‘Unified Military Special Mobile Task Force K-X‘, also known as the ‘Contra Hard Corps‘, has been assembled to combat the rapid spread of crime and illegal activities following the war. When an unknown hacker infiltrates the city's security system and reprograms a group of unmanned robots to cause havoc, the Hard Corps are deployed to handle the situation. As the game progresses, the player will uncover a plot involving Colonel Bahamut, a former war hero, who seeks to overthrow the Government by developing new types of weapon using a stolen alien cell.”
My friend loaned me this game and never asked for it back in the 90’s. Free shit FTW! This game takes everything you ever loved about the original
Contra game for
Nintendo as a child and rapes it into a coma and then steals your Christmas presents. It wastes absolutely no time bombarding you with loud music and crazy ass explosions. I’m not kidding. The game starts off with you riding a truck the size of a building that crashes into the screen and you jump off of and immediately start killing things. I don’t even know why they’re bothering to save anything. The
entire world is on fire.
Gone are the two dudes from the first game. Now there’s
Ray Poward (
that name strikes fear in hearts) who as the game describes his “
cool exterior hides a burning lust for battle.” That scares me. Anyone that is burning with lust for anything is one bad day away from doing hard time. This dude was pretty regular in terms of a Contra game. On one level this sociopath holds on to a rocket plane thing and fires at enemies. There has to be easier ways to fight a battle. Actually I’m pretty sure there is. But this dude is a fucking lunatic and probably screams “
Get some!” whenever he kills something. Look at this asshole. Holding on with one arm.
Sheena Etranzi decided to show up for the battle wearing panties and shoulder pads (
and a last name that is too close to tranny). At least in
Metroid Samus wears full body armor until the end where you find out she’s a chick. Oops.
Spoiler alert! Oh, shut up. I cant spoil something that’s been around before I had pubes. They did like they did with the
She-Ra cartoon and made her way too powerful to prove that women are mighty. She is surrounded by robots shooting rockets and she is calm in her draws. I didn’t like using her because, well, she’s a girl. When she lost her weapon she dropped to her knees and started crying. I’m kidding. They say she’s a guerilla specialist. I don’t know what monkeys have to do with any of this.
Brad Fang. This is the name they have this creature. This abomination. This creature whose very existence spits in the face of our lord and savior
Jay-Zus! You would think that a brand spanking new ass character that is half a beast with the nerve to wear shades would kick all kinds of ass.
Nope. He had the lamest weapons and the shortest range weapons. Which as we all know when you’re trying to save the world the best way to do it is with weapons that traveled at the speed of ass with a six foot range. You would wonder why a half wolf would need bionic implants as well. Its like a 6 year old created this. “
Daddy! I want a wolfman with cool shades and robot arms!” Kids are stupid.
CX-1-DA300 better known as
Browny also known as
I Will Fuck You Up Bot! This little thing was the most powerful character in the game. He was super tiny and was apparently programmed to not give a shit when it comes to personal safety. Look at the robot he is fighting. Any of the other characters would pee, poop, and puke (
the dreaded 3P’s) seeing that. Browny is like “
Fuck your lifestyle!” and fights. He’s the fastest and most violent out of the group. I used him the most even though he made annoying little sounds. This game is fun for a few minutes until you keep dying the same way
every goddamn time.
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