Babbling Old Man: Lethal Weapon

"You gon' eat yo cornbread...?"

Believe it or not, I’d never seen Lethal Weapon. I had seen small parts of it but never sat down and watched it from beginning to end. Today they were showing some kinda old man movie marathon on Ion. Top Gun was on next but I have no desire to actually watch it. Maybe because I’ve heard too many jokes about it. The movie begins with L.A.P.D. Homicide Detective Sergeant Roger Murtaugh (Danny Glover) taking a bath when his wife and kids burst in and sing happy birthday. This was so gross to me by the way. I’d never go into the bathroom while my father was bathing unless there was a fire. Meanwhile L.A.P.D. Narcotics Detective Sergeant Martin Riggs (Mel Gibson) is sitting at home about to shoot himself in the head because his wife was killed in a car accident.

One of Murtaugh's old friends daughter took drugs and killed herself by jumping off a balcony. I laughed because she landed on top of a car and landed in a beautiful position. She had on a nighty and the damn thing didn’t even ride up. Lame. Riggs meanwhile is acting like a fucking psycho and should be fired but they keep him on. He’s a wild card that needs to be dealt with. Pun! They meet and find out they’re partners now. Oh, and that chick who jumped had drain cleaner in her drugs and the case is now a homicide, not suicide. Sorry. Allow me to add this to the Dangerous Shit From 80’s Films List.

1. Kidnapping.


2. The Third Rail.


3. Bullies.


4. Being Locked In Malls Overnight.


5. Drano.

After a bunch of action and more gunfights in a day than most cops have in their career they end up at a drug house and after an explosion talk to some kids that witnessed the guys who were there. One has the same tattoo as Riggs and was part of a squad called Shadow Company. Seriously? That’s the name they came up with? Apparently this whole thing is way too deep for two men to handle so they bring in reinforcements, call the FBI, and they go after Mr. Joshua (Gary Busey). Or…they do the complete opposite of that and take on a team of trained goddamn assassins by themselves! Murtaugh ends up having his slutty daughter kidnapped in the process. She actually does the Kermit Flail when everyone is shooting shit around her. I cracked up laughing!

"Back cuts!"

After more shooting, botched double crosses, Riggs getting electrocuted for torture by that dude with the fu Manchu and long hair that is the bad guy in every film (you know the one), Murtaugh gets beaten while tied to a chair, Riggs escapes killing a man while hanging by his wrists, and saves the day. More bad guys get killed and it all ends with a car flipping on Hollywood Blvd. and Riggs and Mr. Joshua having a sloppy fight on the lawn. Mr. Joshua gets shot when he tries to kill Riggs with a gun he snatches from a cop. There is Christmas dinner and all is right with the world. This movie was pretty damned cool. I’m glad I finally sat down and watched it. Anyone have other suggestions for old movies I need to check out?