"Bad Mamma Jamma": Milla Jovovich

“Most of the time, if you make a big action film there has to be a big action guy in it. It's very European to trust a woman to play that kind of a role.” Milla Jovovich

This weeks Bad Mamma Jamma is a woman who now makes a career off of playing women that make men check their penises at the door and prepare for an ass whipping. Milla Jovovich (pronounced Me-Luh Yo-Vo-Vitch) does nothing but beat the shit out of people for a living and look nice as all get out while doing it. Seriously. You’re not even paying attention to anything I’m writing. You’re looking at the picture. I’ll wait. You finished? Come on. It doesn’t take that long…usually. Born in Kiev, Ukrainian SSR to a Serbian father and Russian mother, she is the recipe for a great Bond villain. Or someone he would sleep with named Givinaway Pootang that would break his junk off in moments. I've seen it happen and it's just as bad as you imagine.

At the age of 12 she left school to focus on modeling. She also learned Ainglish in three months after coming to America. Take that, Rosetta Stone! As a teen she enjoyed fun things like drugs, credit card fraud, and vandalism. After starting an acting career she quit to make music and came back to do The 5th Element. Just in case you didn’t know, any chick that says this is one of her favorite films is DTF almost any time of the day. Its science! She runs around wearing more than I do showering but less than would be allowed publicly. She doesn’t really speak with words so much as gibberish because, well, fuck words. She plays a creature created from just a piece of DNA or some sciency shit and ends up banging Bruce Willis in a tube. That's how my weekends tend to start for some reason.

Oh lord. This is a damn good picture. So, anyhoot. She starred in four films in 2011 and will be in the upcoming Resident Evil: Retribution. Along with smoking weed and cigarettes she practices Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. That means while looking at her boobs she can kick you in the neck and balls at the same time and be totally stoned. She is also left handed but shoots guns with her right. What the hell?! Her husband is known for making pretty shitty films that manage to be popular based off of the fact that Milla will be naked or close to it. She’s not even 40 yet so we all get to enjoy her naked ass exploits and violence for years to come.