Insert Coin: Streets Of Rage 3

“After being defeated twice, Syndicate crime boss Mr. X has started a research company called RoboCy Corporation to act as a cover for his illegal activities. The world's best roboticist, Dr. Dahm, has been brought in to help him create an army of realistic robots to replace important officials from the city. With the replacements in place, Mr. X plans to run the city using a remote control device. His criminal organization, The Syndicate, has strategically placed bombs around the city to distract the police while the city officials are dealt with. Blaze contacts her old comrades Axel Stone and Adam Hunter for a task force to bring down The Syndicate once and for all. Axel quickly joins the task force, but Adam can't make it due to his own assignments from within the police and sends his young brother, Eddie ‘Skate' Hunter instead.”

So let me get this straight. Adam, the Blacker from the first Streets Of Rage and the victim of Streets Of Rage 2 is too busy at work, so he sends his little brother whose main skill set is dancing and making strange sounds while he battles grown ass men? Whatever. It’s a good a plan as anything else these people have done. Streets Of Rage 3 sucked balls by the way. They took everything you liked about previous games and put a little extra stank on them. Child protective services did not exist in this city.

They took away the big ass wrestler Max and replaced him with a robot dude that could shock people. He doesn’t even go with the fight scheme from previous games! And if you’re wondering why there is a kangaroo on the cover, its not because its from Australia and everything from that country speaks “Kill” fluently. Its because Jay-Zus hates you. Sorry to break it to you like this. This game managed to also have really crappy music so not only did they change everything you liked, they made it annoying.

Axel Stone, the badass with the plain white t-shirt, jeans, and red Converse now has a shirt that looks like he’s going to church on Easter. And the fact that he’s wearing leather pants now makes his name no longer cool. He sounds like a gay porn star. Oh, and they took away his cool battle cry of “Wrath-A-Paw!” which turns out is actually “Grand Upper!” with a lamealiscious “Bare Knuckle!” It sounded like he was belching. They try to compensate for this shitfest by having codes where you could play extra characters. No dice. This still sucked. They made the hookers look nice though.

Blaze got the most upgrades with better combos and new power moves like sliding and making fire. But they took away her cool red prostitute uniform and gave her this pale purple ensemble that makes it look like she accidentally washed her outfit in bleach or something. I rented this game and couldn’t wait to return it. This was before the internet was good for anything so I didn’t even have a warning about how shitacular it was. I rented this crap thinking I was going to beat some ass but even more. Nope. They never even came out with a part four to make up for this nonsense. They just shit in my metaphorical mouth and laughed.