"Bad Ass Mofo": Morgan Freeman

"I am going to stop calling you a white man and I'm going to ask you to stop calling me a black man." Morgan Freeman

An American treasure and one of the best actors alive, Morgan Freeman is this weeks Bad Ass Mofo! Born in Memphis in 1937, this 74 year old man could stare down God and make him do whatever he wants. Oh, wait. He is God! In Bruce Almighty he got to play the role he was born to play. No one could even get mad that a Black dude was playing God. And if they did it was five across the eye! All I complained about was the haircut. I’m not sure if its an afro or a flattop. I should probably erase that lest I suffer his wrathy wrath. As cool as Mr. Freeman is, things weren’t always so groovy.

Years ago Morgan was on a show called The Electric Company. One of many shows created by drug using adults and pumped out for the consumption of young influential minds. He did all kinds of crazy costumes and songs. I’m sure if he wanted he could make a phone call and make every single copy of this show disappear. But he just doesn’t feel like it. What? You don’t think he has that kinda power? I once saw him looking at someone eating an apple. He smiled and it turned into a tree that burst from their stomach. He became a demented tree-man who Freeman eventually taught Ainglish. That tree-man is now known as Keanu Reeves.

Out of all the awesome movies Morgan has done - - you really want me to list some of them? The Dark Knight, Glory, RED, Lean On Me, Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves, The Shawshank Redemption, and The Sum Of All Fears. One of my favorites is Se7en where he taught Brad Pitt how to act. He lived the worlds’ fantasy of seeing Gwyneth Paltrow decapitated and managed to not smile the entire time. Acting! Not known for just his thespian skills, his voice is recognized all around the world. He narrated March Of The Penguins, The Love Guru, The Long Way Home, and Cosmic Voyage. I have friends I can call that wont know my voice!

A few years back Morgan got into a car accident and made a full recovery. He was like “Pain? Is that that thing humans feel?” and continued making movies, running charities, and being an all around better human being than the rest of us. In 2008 he found out that his great-great grandparents were former slaves which totally explains his last name. They were all like “We’re free, man!” Not sure if that’s how it actually happened but if it did that would make complete sense. Oh, and he can fly a jet. That means that at any moment Morgan Freeman can drop from the sky and drop some mad knowledge on that ass. You can only hear planes after they have passed. Which means that every moment of silence you experience is a chance for him to crash through your ceiling.