Sunday, December 25, 2011

FAP FILES: Rosario Dawson

She who wins life. She who wins the internets. She who is the hottest woman and Fap File Of The YearRosario Dawson is the best everything that ever lived. I’ve stopped defending her against naysayer’s. I have had a thing for her ever since I was a teenager. I saw her in the movie Kids and immediately was like “Who is this and how can I live in her?” She is as far as I’m concerned the total package in terms of hotness, womaness, and coolness. She is what happens when you combine Puerto Rican, Afro-Cuban, Native American, and Irish blood. That could be a terrible dish to eat but for whatever reason creates a hot ass chick. I love how in that movie  Seven Pounds they tried to make her unattractive and like she was dying. I was like "Whatevs..." They're are gonna have to use some CGI and secretly place some foul smell under my seat to make me unhappy while looking at her. Either that or show me a photo of her and a new boyfriend. That never makes me happy.

She is what so many chicks are pretending to be nowadays. A true geek. Not for fashion reasons either. She just happens to be super attractive and like comics. Oh, she also wrote a comic book. And she has starred in comic book based movies like Men In Black, Josie & The Pussycats, and Sin City where she played Gale who was hot as all get out. Yes, it is almost 2012 and I still use terms like that. Ever since I started doing the Fap File I have been waiting for now to place her as the number one. I will take whatever chick you think is the hottest in the world, place her against Ms. Dawson, and win. No matter what logic you use I will shoot it down while picturing her smile.

At one point all hope was lost. She started dating Jason Lewis. For those that don’t know who he is he played Smith Jerrod on Sex & The City and was a ridiculously attractive man. Though I know I have no chance of meeting Rosario let alone her seeing me and thinking “Yeah, I’d hit that”, the fact that she was with a guy that was supposed to play fucking He-Man in a movie was not fair to the planet. Then they split up for whatever reason and me and my junk did a dance that made the sky cry blood. Fully aware that that last sentence made no sense. And “that that” is totally acceptable to say back to back…to back. As much as I like looking at Rosario Dawson the best feature she has is her smile.

Yeah, I know that she has a great body. She has awesome boobs that she showed in that terrible ass movie Alexander. She sings, she does the comic book thing, she does cartoons, horror, action, comedy, and drama. But she has one of the best smiles on the planet. If you’re ever in a bad mood just look at a picture of her smiling and see if that doesn’t change your mind state. Rosario Dawson is the Fap File of the year (even though that Carla Gugino one has over 3,000 views). Rosario might be the number one next year unless some chick comes out of nowhere and wins. But I doubt it.

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