Fap Of The Year 2012: Sofia Vergara

2012 will go down as the year that the Fap Files took a dramatic hit. Hell, the Spank Bank was damn near depleted this year. So many women either messed with their faces, got pregnant, and forcibly removed themselves from the list by getting married. But one woman stayed fapable despite having a 20 year old son, being 40, being engaged, and hard to understand unless I pay attention. Sofia Vergara is the Fap Of The Year!

Last years winner Rosario Dawson disappeared from the public after winning the award and I searched high and low for this one. Looking at the files I compiled this year, only four, makes me and my junk sad. Vergara’s been busy with a hit series, being on her son’s reality show, being the face of Covergirl, starring in Pepsi commercials, and starting a clothing line for soccer mom’s for K-Mart that makes soccer mom’s wish they looked like her.

FAP FILES: Rosario Dawson

She who wins life. She who wins the internets. She who is the hottest woman and Fap File Of The Year! Rosario Dawson is the best everything that ever lived. I’ve stopped defending her against naysayer’s. I have had a thing for her ever since I was a teenager. I saw her in the movie Kids and immediately was like “Who is this and how can I live in her?” She is as far as I’m concerned the total package in terms of hotness, womaness, and coolness. She is what happens when you combine Puerto Rican, Afro-Cuban, Native American, and Irish blood. That could be a terrible dish to eat but for whatever reason creates a hot ass chick. I love how in that movie  Seven Pounds they tried to make her unattractive and like she was dying. I was like "Whatevs..." They're are gonna have to use some CGI and secretly place some foul smell under my seat to make me unhappy while looking at her. Either that or show me a photo of her and a new boyfriend. That never makes me happy.