"Bad Ass Mofo": Steve Buscemi

"You know we're sitting on four million pounds of fuel, one nuclear weapon and a thing that has 270,000 moving parts built by the lowest bidder. Makes you feel good, doesn't it?" Rockhound Armageddon

If I were to die and get the choice to come back as someone else it would be John Malkovich, Denzel Washington, or the Bad Ass Mofo of the week, Steve Buscemi. He’s survived a plane ride with Nic Cage, saved the world from a meteor, did construction with a singing Tony Sorprano, and had a heart attack from looking at nihilists in the parking lot of a bowling alley. Buscemi is known for dying in almost every film he is in. You know why? Because he’s too damn awesome to live until the end, that’s why! If you need proof of his basassery, he was in a bar fight where he was stabbed in the throat, face, and arm. And he still finished the movie. Oh, and he was a New York City fireman and as everyone knows they see more vajayjay than a gynocologist.

In Con Air, one of the best films ever made, he stands out since he is the smallest yet the most deadly person on that damned plane. As Garland “The Marietta Mangler” Greene, he arrives with a Hannibal Lecter mask and two guards with roped sticks on each side. Guys that are serial killers, terrorists, and murdering rapists are like, “Oh, hell no!” when they see he’s gonna be along for the ride. Yet he is the most reasonable and sane of the bunch. He’s the only reason to see Armageddon unless you like seeing Liv Tyler have cookies eaten out of her pannies by Ben Afleck. I mean, that’s not my thing but who am I to judge? If I were hired by Slingblade to head into space with John McClane, The Kingpin, and Daredevil, I'm gonna need someone as cool as Buscemi to keep me from losing my shit when I realize that we're on a one way trip to doom with Michael Bay at the helm.

In The Big Lebowski he is the comic relief of a film that is full of nothing but. “Shut the fuck up, Donnie!” has been shouted by anyone that has seen that film even if they don’t know a Donnie. In Reservoir Dogs he is the most reasonable of all the lunatics he has to rob a bank with. Stuck with the codename Mr. Pink that they wont allow him to change. Being ragged on for not believing in tipping. He gets the short end of every stick until the end. Steve Buscemi is one of those actors that while he doesn’t have Hollywood looks, he has the skill to make you cheer him, laugh at him, or wish his creepy ass was dead. He is truly one of the top B.A.M’s.