"Bad Ass Mofo": Dolph Lundgren

“My problem is that people get intimidated by someone big and beautiful like me. They hate to think I can be smart as well.” Dolph Lundgren

Not only is Dolph Lundgren the Bad Ass Mofo of the week, but he is humble as well. You don’t like that quote? I dare you to tell him that. I wont because I value having a face. I became a fan of his when I was little and saw Rocky 4. In it he plays Ivan Drago who is not only Russian, he is Super Russian. He’s so Russian that other Russians were like “Hey, tone it down a bit.” Then he punched the country in the face and ended Communism. That may or may not have happened. My history books were written in crayon. I was about 6 years old at the time so this made an impression on me. I thought that not only all Russians were like this guy, but all White people.

He almost didn’t get the role for Rocky because he was too tall. Meaning he was too awesome and Rambo was afraid of looking too weak against a human form of Cthulhu. While looking at his resume I discovered that he likes movies that begin with “The.” Check this out. The Punisher, The Shooter, The Peacekeeper, The Last Patrol, The Mechanik, The Defender, The Inquiry, and The Expendables. Coming soon in 2012: The The. I made that last one up. Or did I? Being 6 foot 5 Dolph immediately manages to draw attention to himself whether he wants to or not. It just sucks that so many actors are short so it limits the type of roles he could have. Wow. Look at that picture. I loved the He-Man cartoon and this looks absolutely nothing like it. That mullet and super tight ass draws? That was never animated.

He was recently in The Expendables which turned out to be a awesome and crazy ass film. He plays a guy named Gunner Jensen who turns out to be too tough for the tough guys. Yeah. You try and figure out how to be tougher than Mickey Rourke, Sly Stallone, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Randy Couture, and Terry Crews. He is such a BAM that he survived playing He-Man and The Punisher. No one else could do that! He was up for the main role in Running Man which went to Arnold Schwarzenegger. Could you imagine how that movie would’ve turned out with him in that part? Better!

Dolph Lundgren has a masters degree in chemical engineering. He has a black belt in karate. Oh, and he is a great drummer. He even survived living with Grace Jones for four years. You ever see Grace Jones? Yeah. Four years. He’s directed a few films and will be in The Expendables 2. His guy is almost 60 years old and scarier than any young actor around these days. Would you get in his face and tell him you didn’t enjoy one of his movies? That’s what I thought. I want to see him in more pictures but only if he talks like Drago. Could you imagine a Shakespearean film with that voice? There's always room for Drago!