"Fighting Words!": New Girl

As friends of mine and readers of my blogs know I wont hesitate to make an uninformed decision. I will hate anything without seeing, hearing, or knowing exactly what it is. Usually screaming “Its science!” is enough for me to believe that I’ve won any discussion. But I decided to try and give a show a chance that I knew just from the billboards and commercials would suck ass. New Girl starring Zooey Deschanel on Fox was watched and hated by me. I didn’t even wanna watch it! My friend was over and she convinced me to give this shit a chance. I did and I want that time back. Every goddamn second of it. The thing that pissed me off after watching it was that my friend said “That wasn’t funny…” to which I asked “Then why did you make me watch it?!” which she replied with a light shrug.

The premise of this nonsense is that this girl moves in with three guys after breaking up with her boyfriend. Every scene is filled with her ginormous ass eyes and her wearing clever little outfits. I don’t know how much teachers make but moving in with three dudes you don’t know doesn’t seem to be something that is plausible. In one of the episodes I watched she had to get her stuff back, including a new TV since she wrecked the guys TV by throwing a basketball, from her ex who looks like a child molester. She does after 20 minutes of annoying behavior on her part. Why anyone likes this show is far beyond me. And for anyone that says “Well, what do you think is funny?!” I say “Shut up.”

When you describe someone as “bubbly”, “perky”, or “free spirited” that is an automatic pass for me. And if you use any of those words to describe yourself you’re likely really annoying to all your friends and they just wont tell you. I don’t know when this happened, but humor took this turn where annoying as fuck neighbors became the stars of shows. If this girl were real as soon as that TV got smashed she would’ve been kicked to the curb. I didn’t laugh once after watching three episodes. They were online so at least I didn’t have to sit through commercials. If I were walking through the house at night and bumped into those giant blue eyes I would throw a punch, scream, and hide under my blanket while crossing myself and praying to Jay-zus. And I’m not even religious!