Mariah Yeater the cray-cray girl who said Justin Bieber got her pregnant has stopped trying to get him to take a paternity case. But his lawyers are like “Oh, hell naw!” I hope they lock her dumb ass up. I know the jails in Canada are made of toilet paper but still.
Bradley Cooper was voted Sexiest Man Alive. Can he go away now? Please?
Selena Gomez’s dog ate a bunch of rocks. Not crack. For reals rocks. I understand not wanting to be around when Justin Bieber visits, but come on, puppy. It gets better.
Jennifer Lopez has a new 24 year old boyfriend. He’s her background dancer. Goddamn this woman. She just needs to never fall in love ever again.
Yes! I knew there’d be a Kim Kardashian story! She has hired a bionic PR lawyer since everyone wants her to fall off the planet now that we all are pretty sure her marriage was bullshit and a half.
Gary Busey is being sued for knocking a lady to the ground while rushing to his plane. Uh, if you see The Buse coming get the fuck out of the way! She should be sued for trying to defy the laws of Buseynomics.
Chris Tucker and Ice Cube may do another Friday movie. Nope.
Can the media stop trying to convince me that Kristen Stewart is attractive?
Michelle “Bombshell” McGee aka Crabs McHandjob who is known for being one of the women Jesse James slept with while married to Sandra Bullock is all like “I told you so!” to Kat Von D. after she said that he cheated on her with 19 women. So if you’re an ugly woman with tattoos now is your time to strike!
Tito, Marlon, and Jackie Jackson aka Those Black Dudes That Stood Behind Michael are suing a company for having them sign a bunch of fake ass Thriller jackets and not paying them. That’s what they get! Make your own jacket and sell it, ya bunch of jerks.
The guy who helped kill Michael Jackson has been telling people he wants to kill himself. Imagine if he was in for real rapey prison. Want would become Has quick.
I saw a picture of Britney Spears in a bikini and my penis started detaching itself from my body.
And for no reason Laura Prepon!
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