Wednesday, November 2, 2011

"Bad Mamma Jamma": Sigourney Weaver


"I've always regretted having such a serious career because I'm really more of an idiot." Sigourney Weaver

Susan Alexandra Weaver aka Sigourney Weaver is the first entry in the new Bad Mamma Jamma. Wanna know how bad she is? Her salary for Alien: Resurrection was more than it cost to make the first Alien film. Boom. As Ripley she has become the template by which any actress that tries to be a badass is compared to. Some chick does a flying kick I’m like “You didn’t save an orphan space baby from a acid spitting alien…” Admittedly I wasn’t a huge fan or her…sexually. At first. I thought she looked okay but she didn’t make my pants tight or anything. That all changed when she popped up in Galaxy Quest. In that film she made me see the difference between liking a chick and a woman.

Look at them things! Sorry. They turned this deadly actress into a funny yet sexy character. She was also possessed by a demon in Ghostbusters and was such a horndog that she still wanted to have sex. I like her so much that I forgive her for being in both Avatar and The Village. That’s a lot of forgiveness! In Copycat she managed to make Harry Connick Jr. scary. Now them’s acting chops! If she hadn’t done Gorillas In The Mist I wouldn’t be threatening to throw poop at people for the last 30 some odd years. For real, it’s a real threat.

At the age of 13 she was the height I reached at 18. Thankfully she stopped at 5’11” as she states that her height has hurt her in Hollywood. Who can see a tall woman and get scared unless she is one of those Amazonian dames from Futurama that wanted to kill men with “Snoo-Snoo"? Speaking of which, she was the voice of the ships in Futurama and WALL-E. She has a very pleasant voice. She is also one of those actresses that you can tell who she is just by looking at any part of her face. She has a very distinctive look. And might I add that she and Michelle Obama are damn near identical twins yet I don’t wanna park my car inside of Michelle Obama? Explain that nonsense. Racist! I probably blew my BMJ load by starting it off with Sigourney.

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