Me & My Holodeck

A holodeck, in the fictional Star Trek universe, is a simulated reality facility located on starships and starbases. The first use of a holodeck by that name in the Star Trek universe was in the pilot episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, Encounter at Farpoint, although a conceptually similar "recreation room" appeared in an episode of Star Trek: the Animated Series. The holodeck is depicted as an enclosed room in which objects and people are simulated by a combination of transported matter, replicated matter, tractor beams, and shaped force fields onto which holographic images are projected. Sounds and smells are simulated by speakers and fragranced fluid atomizers, respectively. The feel of a large environment is simulated by suspending the participants on force fields which move with their feet, keeping them from reaching the walls of the room.

It would also keep me from sexually assaulting anything with a vagina on a spaceship. So Worf better keep his forehead covered around me. I was recently talking to Miss. T. about the holodeck and the things I would do if I were aboard the Starship Enterprise and had access to one. Honestly, nothing kosher. If a machine could recreate anything I imagined and wanted there would be an orgy that put Caligula to shame! Shit that would shame my ancestors. My great-great-great-great grandfather would be picking cotton and all of a sudden start crying and not even know why. Look at Riker. You know him and Troi were banging in the holodeck.

On the show they use the holodeck for training and simulations and such. Fuck that. Sex. That’s it. That is all I would use this futuristic technology for. They would have to burn the room after I used it. And I would use it for months at a time. You wouldn’t be able to find Ensign Ross anywhere. Because I would be in my personal bed that I dragged in the cover of night into the holodeck. I swear if anyone entered during my vacation in there I would phaser the shit out of them. Red shirt, yellow shirt, blue shirt. It doesn’t matter. I don’t even care if the ship was under attack. What better way to die than getting bizzay with every celebrity that ever existed?

Miss. T. mentioned the moral implications of having sex with a co-worker in the holodeck. No, not the actual person. Just a hologram of them. Would it be wrong to do so? I say fuck no! it’s a hologram! Is it wrong for people to have sex with blowup dolls or use vibrators? No! So why cant I walk on sunshine with Rosario Dawson, Jenna Von Oy, Sofia Vergara, Linda Carter, Bettie Page, and Trish Stratus? Exactly! I’m not even sure if I proved a point. But I’m just saying that “Whatever happens on the holodeck stays on the holodeck” is real. Got me sitting here looking for the "Boning" button...