"Bad Ass Mofo": Nicolas Cage

“I am not a demon. I am a lizard, a shark, a heat-seeking panther. I want to be Bob Denver on acid playing the accordion.“ Nicolas Cage

I cant believe it took me ten Bad Ass Mofo blogs to finally get around to the man that exemplifies what it means to be a Bad Ass Mofo. This weeks entrant is the craziest man on the planet, Nic Cage. Born Nicolas Kim Coppola, Cage started off as a normal actor doing normal roles. This was just a front for the batshit insanity that dwelled within him. Proof of his incredible acting skills can be seen by the fact that even till this day we still believe he is a human being. He’s not. He’s a fucking vampire! Or Highlander. Either way he has been around for hundreds of years and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Not that we’d want to. The honorary mascot of The DNA Show lives inside each of us. Even jawless Roger Ebert once said "There are often lists of the great living male movie stars: De Niro, Nicholson and Pacino, usually. How often do you see the name of Nicolas Cage? He should always be up there.”

"Should've seen me during The Spanish Inquisition." 

Over time the roles Nic played went from being straight to what would be called quirky to strange to “Holy shit what planet am I on?!” I’m not exactly sure which role was the catalyst for him towards Crazyville, USA. But I will say that roles like Bad Lieutenant, Face/Off, Ghost Rider, Bangkok Dangerous, The Wicker Man, and Season Of The Witch are examples and irrefutable proof that this man is batty. You cant watch him in Knowing and say to yourself “Yeah, this guy is totally normal.” I mean, his wife’s last name is his first name. His oldest son is a fucking lunatic. His youngest son was named after Superman! Nic himself changed his birth name to comic book characters Luke Cage! A Black man!

Unacceptable!!!

There was an interview where Cage said that he was excited about the role in Drive Angry because he got to have an eye shot out. He didn’t care what the movie was about. He just wanted his eye shot out. In Ghost Rider 2 he pisses fire. Why? No goddamn reason. Just because he can. And may I mention his hair? You cant bring up Cage without the fact that the only thing nuttier than him is his hair. I think it doubles as Sylvester Stallone's stand in. The crazy hair may be traced back to The Rock. Is it a toupee? An alien? Maybe an alien toupee?! I don’t know and wont dare try and investigate. I’m brave but I’m not stupid. You know that sound when you’re hungry that your stomach makes? That’s not your stomach growling. That’s your Inner Cage trying to get out.