In the most obvious news and gossip of the century so far, Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries have divorced after just 72 days of being married. They site irreconcilable differences. I say he got tired of getting falling into her cavernous vagina.
Demi Moore is in trouble for roughing up a paparazzi. Have you seen how skinny and frail she is lately? That’s like suing your baby sister for assault.
Terrell Owens wants to pay less child support. Nope.
Tonya Cooley from The Real World said she was raped with a toothbrush while she was passed out and that it was filmed. MTV says she is full of shit. I say I don’t even remember this chick. Maybe she was on one of those random seasons, like Real World Botswana.
Taylor Swift is suing a website advertising they have topless pictures of her. I wanna see that as much as I wanna see topless Chaz Bono pictures. Oh, wait…
Lindsay Lohan will be heading back to court to see if she gets a year in jail or two weeks aka a new mug shot. They say the judge may throw the book at her. That would be so cool if they threw an actual book at her.
Oh, and Michael Lohan is still a jackass. While in trouble for beating up his girlfriend they discovered he has been dodging child support for one of his other kids. What a winner! I just needed another sentence so I could mention that Lindsay got her teeth whitened. Now she looks like a recovering meth addict.
Steven Tyler passed out from food poisoning and knocked a tooth out. He looks about the same.
Vin Diesel’s new Riddick film has stopped production because he’s a broke ass. “Aw, man!” the three people who enjoyed Chronicles Of Riddick cried.
Charlie Sheen’s new show will be on Fucks. Huh? Oh. Sorry. FX.
And for no reason Kristen Wiig!
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