Theater Whore: The Ides Of March & Real Steel

I don’t wanna right off the bat call this a political thriller because its not. I also don’t want to call it a drama because The Ides Of March is more than that. I’m having a hard time describing this film but what I can say is that I really enjoy it. If you had told me that a movie about a guy running for office would be one of the best films I have seen this year I would have said “Who are you and how did you get into my home?!”

I cant cover this like I do many of my reviews because there are far too many actors in it who put in such great performances. There is a scene where George Clooney (Oh Brother Where Art Thou?, Burn After Reading, The American) and Ryan Gosling (Drive, Crazy Stupid Love, Half Nelson) go back and forth with each other in a verbal tennis match that should inspire anyone that wants to be an actor. Philip Seymour Hoffman (Punch Drunk Love, Moneyball, Capote) has some very good scenes where if he were going up against anyone other than Paul Giamotti (Sideways, Win/Win, American Splendor) would have gotten chewed up and spit out.

The basic premise without spoiling anything is that George Clooney is trying to win the Ohio vote and the interactions behind the scenes between all of his employees and interns. It sounds like its boring and I’m sure that I’m selling it badly but trust me, if you see films only a few times a year check this one out. As much as I love films that have explosions, special effects, and disembodied heads come back to life every so often a film like this comes out where its just humans standing across from one another and making me believe everything they say. What’s that shit called again? Oh, acting.

I’m really getting tired of people comparing Real Steel to Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots. Mainly because I actually got more joy out of those goofy toys than I did this craptacular movie. I pretty much hated anything that had human blood in this film. This two hour film. Oh, I felt every single minute of this nonsense. This movie has been done in different ways many times but this is probably the worse way possible.

Hugh Jackman (Wolverine, Flushed Away, Prestige) stars as Charlie, a former boxer who now uses a robot for a traveling show to get money to survive and pay people back. He’s also an unlikable asshole. The movie starts with him using his robot to beat up a bull. I shit you not. A bull gets its ass kicked by a robot…for a moment. A running theme in this film is Jackman spending so much time talking to people when he should be paying attention to what the fuck he’s doing! He finds out that the mother of his son that he hasn’t seen since he was a baby has died. His equally unlikable son is played by Dakota Goyo (Thor) named Max.

Jackman sells the kid to the boys aunt and uncle but he has to watch him for a few months until they get back from Italy. Evangeline Lilly (Lost, Smallville, The Hurt Locker) is Bailey, the chick that runs the gym Jackman trains at and likes him or not depending on how they wanna move the plot along. Jackman’s kid forces him to take him with him for robot fights which he loses. The entire time he lets the kid know that he doesn’t like him. Eventually the kid finds a robot, Atom, in a junkyard and fixes it. Turns out the robot is pretty good at taking punches.

After winning many fights they get a shot at the champion robot, Zeus. The robot is owned by “Korean James Franco” and this chick Olga Fonda (Nip/Tuck, Crazy Stupid Love, Little Fockers). As I watched I was like “Wow. This chick has the worst Russian accent I’ve ever heard in a movie.” Turns out she’s actually Russian. Go figure. He fights Zeus and loses but puts up a hell of a fight.

The movie was terribly predictable. Hugh Jackman’s voice goes from sounding like he’s from Boston, New York, and a Dick Tracy movie. He has no redeemable qualities besides looking good in tight shirts. He doesn’t deserve a happy ending. His kid needs to get put in a sleeper hold until his aunt and uncle come back. Anthony Mackie, Hope Davis, and Kevin Durand show up for a cup of coffee before taking off. I mean…ugh. The best thing about this movie were the parts where robots hit each other. They looked very good and realistic. Unlike How To Train Your Dragon which made me want a pet dragon, this movie made me wish robots never get created this well since the only people that own them are assholes and meth heads.

Below is a video from sketch group College Humor who have made literally hundreds of funny videos. Everything that say in this clip describing Real Steel actually happens. Sadly.