Friday, October 21, 2011

Lindsay Lohan Is A Stupidface

Lindsay Lohan likes going to jail. At least that’s my educated guess. She recently got in trouble for violating her probation. The best part about her getting in trouble so much is that not only does it prove that if you’re known for being in terrible films and being drunk constantly you will not stay in jail, but that the justice system is a ridiculous whore that picks and chooses who it wants to fuck. I’m a dick so I decided to take all of Lohan’s mug shots and rate them. I’ve decided to include a court photo and this one from when she used to be attractive. I know right?! She was hot once. Its sad because its not like this is some 36 year old broad that has been around since I was a kid. She’s 25.

Lohan showed up in court looking like Morticia Addams…if Morticia Addams stopped giving a damn about what Gomez thought of her appearance. I watched this to see if she would be able to weasel her way out of doing time. Nope. They slapped the cuffs on her dumb ass and led her away. Yeah, she posted bail and was out the next day where she showed up late for her court ordered morgue duty. They wouldn’t let her back in so today she showed up on time. At least she didn’t inconvienence any of the other poor slobs that had morgue duty by making them have to stay inside the whole day and bring their lunches. Huh? Seriously? Okay. I take that all back. They totally had to stay inside all day and bring their lunches.

This is Lohan’s first mug shot. Aw, look at her. She’s just so…Jesus. That is not cute. She doesn’t even look like the same person. Those are some ashy ass lips she got going. This was when she got busted for a DUI and they found cocaine. Uh-oh. She didn’t do any time and was given one of those house arrest bracelets. Three stints at rehab at this point did nothing to deter her. She started getting dropped from movies that planned on using her because she would no show and she was a fucking liability. She offered to help Obama gain support to which they replied “You out of you goddamn mind?

Okay, this is a little better. This is around July of 2010 when a bench warrant was issued because she no showed a court hearing. Good for her. She was sent to jail for 14 out of 90 days of her sentence. They say it was because of overcrowding. I swear, if I was a woman and heard some bullshit like “Women cant be in jail right now because there’s no more room” I’d be looting and wrecking shit. Lohan’s hair is very nice and shiny in this one. I don’t like that cocky ass smirk on her face. You know what would stop that? A nice new cellmate named Terry that wants to play the “Mommy & Daddy” game and asks her to suck Mommy’s dick.

September 2010 and her she is looking thinner. She failed a drug test (gasp!) and was sent to rehab for a few months. She went and got into all kinds of shit. She ended up getting into a fight with an employee there. Oh, that Lindsay! Her tan line is mad terrible in this picture. Between this and her next picture she got in trouble for stealing a necklace. She got 120 days in prison, 360 hours where she volunteered at a women’s center, and 120 hours at the morgue which she completed with flying colors. What? Are you fucking with me? Shit. None of that is true. She got house arrest where she had parties and filmed commercials. Guess why? Overcrowding!

This brings us to our latest mug shot. Looks like she toned it down with the makeup thankfully. I know there are people who defend her or wonder why people get so pissed off when she gets off. Allow me to explain. She is a great representative of how it fucking sucks to see people get 30 years for having some pot or get life for taking pizza when some goofy cunt can get a few weeks in jail or house arrest when she drives drunk and on coke and dodges court hearings because she is in Paris getting fucking wasted and claims to lose her passport. I have family that have done time for less or for doing no crime. So fuck her.

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