Lindsay Lohan could go to jail for a few months for not completing her community service. Which means she will get a new mug shot and leave an hour later because of overcrowding. We know the drill, justice system.
Ashton Kutchner fucked a very average looking girl and will likely end up divorcing Demi Moore. “Hide ya kids, and hide ya wives…” Antoine Dobson should’ve said. The chick, Sara Leal, is bragging about the unprotected sex they had. I don’t mind unprotected sex because I’m not rich. Don’t judge me.
The rumors are still flying around that Beyonce is actually not pregnant. I need a definite answer, damn it. I cant keep telling guys to fly their penises at half staff if this is a false alarm.
Chris Brown couldn’t perform at the Michael Jackson tribute show in England because he punches girls.
The new Charlie’s Angels show is done after four episodes. Truly shocking.
Playboy’s Club is also cancelled after just three episodes. Not so shocking.
Christina Aguilara performed at the MJ show and her bathing suit outfit looking dangerously close to exploding but not in a good way.
Rihanna was voted by Esquire as Sexiest Woman Alive. Okay. You don’t go from Christina Hendricks and Sofia Vergara to a chick that has more forehead than legs.
Paul McCartney got married…again. First wife had cancer, the second had one leg. I can only imagine what’s doing with this one.
Christopher Chaney is the guy who hacked into multiple celebrity phones and emails getting those sexy nude pictures of Mila Kunis and Scarlett Johannson. They say he could get 120 years in prison. That is not a typo. “Goddamn!!!” Killers who get 20 years shouted. “I know, right?” a Store Owner who got 30 years for selling a bong concurred. "Whatevs..." Conrad Murray said while shopping.
January Jones still wont say who the father of her baby is. Guess she’s waiting for Zack Snyder to divorce his wife.
Whitney Houston was almost kicked off a plane for acting like Whitney Houston.
Zachary Quinto who played Sylar on Heroes has come out of the closet! “What took you so long?” Me from a few years ago asked.
Rapper The Game (I think he still does that) proposed to his girlfriend. They already have two kids together so either he’s really lazy or just wants more attention. His kids names? King Justice and Cali. Yeah. That happened.
Joe Son who played assassin Random Task (the guy who threw shoes) in Austin Powers was sent to prison for torture and rape. Add murder to the list as it appears that he murdered his child molesting cellmate.
Rapper Rick Ross keeps on having seizures and the cause is not being released. “I’ll handle this…” a Nurse who needs extra cash probably said.
Blake Lively and the man responsible for Spank Bank market crashes worldwide Ryan Reynolds are fucking now. This dude, I swear…
Robert Downey Jr. wants everyone to forgive Mel Gibson the same way he has since he helped him when he was at his lowest. “Fuck that!” Terrance Howard likely said from a Circuit City parking lot while selling his CD’s.
The fat bully from the Harry Potter movies was arrested for making homemade bombs. Expectus Loticus Rapus!
Rapper DMX is finally off of drugs, out of jail, and looking normal again. “Arf! Arf! Arf!” he said from the stage at a recent BET concert.
Alledged and cute killer Amanda Knox was recently spotted wearing a Canadian Tuxedo.
Trace Cyrus, Miley’s adopted brother that looks like an ad for why you shouldn’t drink while pregnant, and way out of his league chick Brenda Song are now engaged. The divorce countdown begins…now!
And for no reason Jennifer Tilly!
My bad.
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