FAP FILES: That "Chick"

In a lot of films there are “That Chick.” The ones whose name you cant remember most of the time but they pop up because, well, they serve a purpose of being looked at. They have the ability to go from sexy to cute just by letting their hair down or taking their glasses off. They are single handedly responsible for ugly chicks thinking that a quick makeover can transform them into the hotness. Let me know if I left some chicks off this list. I know there’s more but I seriously cant remember their names.

Amy Smart. She’s been in a ton of movies as the main love interest and it has to be just because she’s super cute. I’m shocked at the photos of her that I saw on Google. Including the one I used. It doesn’t hurt that she looks like a goddamn cat which after a few of these Fap Files we’ve all come to realize that I have some strange obsession with women that look like felines yet I hate most of the women who have played Catwoman. Go figure. Ooh! There’s this one scene in Crank 2 where she fucks Jason Statham on a horserace track! Serio! The only reason to watch those movies is to watch her get banged to keep her man alive. I know she was in Road Trip which was a cool movie and she started stripping while one of the dudes was talking to his girlfriend on the phone.

Christina Millian. Look at this picture. Look at it! This is the chick that Nick Cannon left to be with Mariah Carrey. What. The. Fuck. She is usually the “Black chick” that gets brought in in movies to mix up the group a little bit. She’s only like 3 feet tall as well. What those of us in the Pervatron Community call a “Spinner.” You look it up. Okay fine. it’s a girl that’s really short that you can do sexual things with that you cant with larger women. Happy? She’s a terrible actress but at least she makes up for it woth shitty music. Wait. She sang the Kim Possible theme song. That’s her one good song. “Call me beep me if you wanna reach me!” Yeah, I cant be mad at anyone that writes such cool lyrics like that.

Lizzy Caplan. I first saw this chick in Mean Girls. Everyone was all excited about Lindsey Lohan in that movie but to me it was all about the pseudo lesbian with the hairstyle that looked like she used a Flo-Bee. She was also in Pay $13 To Vomit aka Cloverfield where she exploded. Oh, and she was in Hot Tub Time Machine. She is hot in the same way that broad in The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is hot. Like, if she was like “Oh, I did like a shit ton of drugs back in the day…” I wouldn’t be surprised. As long as her vajayjay doesn’t growl. It could happen. I’ve seen specials. Like that one called Teeth.

Elisha Cuthbert. First saw her on 24 and then a ton of bad movies! I don’t know what the hell happened. She should’ve been bigger than she is but she made a wrong turn somewhere in her career. Let me check her IMDB page. Okay. A bunch of failed TV shows. Hmm. Looking on her page I see that she is not aging well. Getting kinda pointy. Whatever. I’m talking about her from a few years ago when her chin couldn’t cut cake. She’s still Fapable. Canadians are fucking hot.