The Review: The Conjuring

The Conjuring Much Spoopy!/10

This week I finished up watching The Conjuring with B&H. My best friend has seen all of these movies and this is the first I've seen. I don't watch many scary films so I tend to talk way too much during them because I think as soon as the doors slam shut with no warning in the middle of the night it is time to move. But not this family! This couple and their five daughters move into this house. The dog is like “Fuck every inch of that house!” and won't even enter it. The owners are like “Whatevs...” and go about unpacking in this house they have not even fully explored. This house has secret rooms that have secret rooms. Everything that can happen in a haunting ends up happening to this family. The dog ends up dead. Birds dropping from the sky. Ghosts yanking legs. Ghosts making rooms smell like old meat. Musical boxes. Clapping! Just everything.

This couple, the Warrens, who handle this kinda shit are brought in to see what is up and none of it is good. These ghosts are so hardcore that even if they leave now the ghosts will keep fucking with them which seems super unfair. The wife keeps waking up with bruises and the husband is like “I work so peace in the Middle East” and leaves for a bit. The ghosts turn things up to 11 and starts straight up assaulting folks. It turns out that this chick that lived in the house cursed the land when she killed herself and whoever lives there is gonna be cursed so put that in your smoke and pipe it. The Warrens, a cop, and some other nerd set up tape recorders and the ghosts really start to make the beat drop. The Vatican is supposed to send someone to help but they are taking too long so the Warrens end up doing it themselves. It works but this family could not possibly ever be the same afterward.

This was a weird ass movie and I know that they have made sequels and spin offs and such. I doubt I need to see the other ones. This wasn't bad but it just felt like I was watching a family get beat up by something they couldn't fight back against. There is no amount of therapy you could take to recover from the amount of bullshittery that this family experienced.

Patrick Wilson as Ed Warren

Vera Farmiga as Lorraine Warren

Lili Taylor as Carolyn Perron

Ron Livingston as Roger Perron

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