The Review: Life After Beth

Life After Beth 5/10

I've had this movie Life After Beth on my Netflix cue for a while and decided to finally watch it today. I think Dane DeHaan gives good face and I have a 110% crush on Aubrey Plaza so I figured I'd have a good time. It starts off with Beth played by Plaza hiking and texting and then Zach played by DeHaan being napkins to take to a wake. Turns out Beth is dead. Zach misses her like crazy and his family is rather not supportive of him. Zach becomes closer with Beth's family and then one night the help runs out the house screaming and Zach thinks he sees Beth walking through the house. He stalks the family until he gets inside and finds out she is alive and they are not sure why. Zach is happy but they have to keep it secret and her family does not want her out during the day.

The Review: Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets

Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets 2/10

I just finished watching Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets on Amazon. This movie should have been called And Then Something Happened because I'm not even sure how to describe this messy ass film. Things happen, people run, and then something happens and they have to explain stuff, then something happens, and they run and shoot at other things. It stars Dane DeHaan as Major Valerian and his partner Sergeant Laureline played by Cara Delevingne. He wants to marry her even though she has a record of all the women he has banged and there is some aggressive flirting on his part but it seems super forced. Meanwhile in space space space...

The Review: The Place Beyond The Pines

The Place Beyond The Pines 10/10

There will be spoilers for this years old movie. I loved The Place Beyond The Pines. I don't know why I didn't check it out sooner. It stars Ryan Gosling who is bae. Eva Mendes who is co-bae. Seriously. This has just been sitting in my Netflix cue and I have been thinking of deleting it for no reason. Thank god I didn't because all I thought this was about was Gosling riding a motorcycle and doing crime with Mendes as his partner and Bradley Cooper hunting them down like some bootleg Bonnie & Clyde. I was super wrong. Gosling is Luke Glanton. He is a motorcycle stuntman that just breezes through towns. One day he is found by a girl he slept with, Romina Gutierrez played by Mendes. He drops her off at home and that is that. He ends up finding out that she had a baby and he is the father. He is upset that she was going to let him leave town not knowing that he had a son.

Theater Whore: The Amazing Spiderman 2

The Amazing Spiderman 2: 1/10

So how about that The Amazing Spiderman 2, huh? Now, I did not like the first film (click here). I thought that Andrew Garfield was a huge dick as Peter Parker, Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy was just...there, and The Lizard as the villain would have been a cool choice if this was the older films since we'd seen Dr. Conner as Peter's cool teacher. But this isn't about the shitty first film. This is about the shittier new one. And, by god, was it shitty! I'm not even sure where to start. The video game special effects? The horrible soundtrack? The premises for every villain being thinner than toilet paper from the 80's?

And there will be so many spoilers.

DVDiculous: Metallica Through The Never

I got to watch Through The Never and I feel like such an ass for not watching it when it was in theaters because this movie is massive. Its a concert film and a crazy ass chase film combined. It stars the band Metallica of course and Dane Dehaan who you may know from Lawless and Chronicle. He's a roadie that is given the task of taking fuel to a stalled truck that needs to be at the concert.

This film manages to mix the story perfectly with the music. If you are a fan of Metallica you'll be happy. If you like seeing riots, hangings, and massive explosions you'll also be happy. The roadie, Trip, gets into a car accident and the next thing you know a bunch of people are fighting with cops and then this big son of a bitch shows up on a horse and starts lynching folks. Meanwhile at the concert...