Casting Slouch: Jack Reacher Series

Saints be praised! The author of Jack Reacher, Lee Child, does not want Tom Cruise back to reprise the role. Know why? He short. I know that sounds fucked up but hear me and the author out. I liked the first Jack Reacher movie and the second stunk to high hell. I have read a few of the Reacher books and I could not finish (I have three of them near my door on the shelf) because when I read them all I picture is Cruise and if you have read the books it does not fit. I know that in translations of books or comics or whatever that characters can have their races, genders, and everything else changed. But with the Reacher character his size is such an important aspect of him that having a 5 foot 7 Cruise play him is ridiculous. Not to say that people of that height can not kick every inch of my ass because people like Demetrious Johnson exist. But Cruise is not Reacher. I saw the movie before I read the books so I just accepted that until reading the books and him using his intimidating size against opponents or diffusing situations with it.

Theater Whore: Jack Reacher Never Go Back

Jack Reacher Never Go Back 2/10

Spoilers. I finally got around to watching Jack Reacher: Never Go Back and I kinda wish I hadn't. Everything I loved about the first Jack Reacher movie. The acting, the music, the story, the fights, none of it grabbed my attention at all whereas with the first film I've watched close to ten times since the first. As I watched this I just kept asking myself “When is this ending?” I'm not kidding. This movie was just not good.

Theater Whore: Mission Impossible Rogue Nation

Mission Impossible Rogue Nation 8/10

Its hard to believe it but that last Mission Impossible movie was four years ago. This new one Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation was a pretty damned fun action movie that had me wrong many times. This will have some spoilers by the way. You know that scene with the plane in the trailer? That is the very damned beginning of the movie so you know its gonna be crazy from the start. In this Ethan Hunt played by Tom Cruise is on the run from everyone trying to prove that this group called the Syndicate has been causing all of these assassinations and attacks.

While getting information about a new mission Ethan is captured and about to have his shit wrecked by this guy named Bone Doctor which is never a good thing especially when he shows up with a case full of sharp and poundy objects. He ends up being saved by this fucking cool ass woman named Ilsa Faust played by Rebecca Ferguson. Whenever someone complains about movies not having enough bad ass women I think they are watching the wrong films. I see plenty of them. She helps him get away by pretending he escaped.

Theater Whore: Edge Of Tomorrow

Edge Of Tomorrow 5/10

I wasn't dying to see Edge Of Tomorrow. The title is silly, the trailer didn't tickle my pickle, and, my god, Tom Cruise has released some stinkers lately. But I decided to give this a try because I am dying to see some good movies. This one wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be but I wouldn't start telling people to go see it. Its in the future at some point and Cruise plays Major William Cage who...wait. William Cage? Really. Let me look at the names he has used in his last few films. Jack Harper, Jack Reacher, Stacee Jaxx, and Ethan Hunt. Come on now.

Cage (sigh) gets forced into fighting against a bunch of aliens that are attacking Europe. Its so silly. They send this guy who is a flight risk and has absolutely no combat experience to help spearhead the last ditched effort against these Mimics (never explained why these aliens are called this because they don't mimic a damned thing). He manages to land on the battlefield and dies. But not really. He wakes up right after he was caught and taken to boot camp.

Theater Whore: Jack Reacher

Last night East and I went to check out Jack Reacher. East wasn’t all that excited after seeing the trailer and I wanted to see it but wasn’t dying to until I heard a review saying how there’s more to it than the trailer showed. I had fallen into the trailer trap plenty of times and ended up missing out on really good films because of the bad trailer. So after some convincing we headed to The Cineramadome which is connected to The Arclight and checked it out.

I hadn’t been in this portion of the theater I think since Spiderman 2. It had been years. I miss this theater. We sat up high in row Q and started the movie. It begins with a guy getting ready to shoot folks in Pittsburgh  People in the theater were feeling way uncomfortable but not me because I know the difference between a trained sniper and some asshole that likes to shoot schools. So this guy picks off five people and drives off. A guy is caught and arrested and as he is being interviewed writes down “Get Jack Reacher.”

Theater Whore: Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol

Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol wastes absolutely no time getting started. I was not a fan at all of the first Mission Impossible. The second one I liked (though a ton of people hated it because it was ultra John Woo). The third was cool. But this one was like being on a damned rollercoaster. This makes your normal life seem boring as all hell in comparison. You ever jump off a rooftop while taking out two guys with guns and then using an inflatable pack installed in your jacket to break your fall before rolling to the ground and then killing another one? Yeah, I did too. That was the best birthday ever.