Theater Whore: Sicario

Sicario 2/10

Sicario is one of those movies that I know I should like but for whatever reason does not work for me. It has good actors like Benicio Del Toro, Josh Brolin, and Emily Blunt aka Lady Punching Bag. Its about a SWAT member being recruited to help dirty people stop other dirty people by being dirtier than the people they are hunting. It starts off hard and fast then drops to a very slow crawl until the very end of what felt like a three hour movie. I could have left, played some video games, had a quick lunch, came back, and still not have missed any information that was important to the story. After watching this I read reviews and people love this movie. Every year there is a movie people love that I don't get at all. This is that movie for 2015.

Click here for previous Theater Whore. 

Theater Whore: Edge Of Tomorrow

Edge Of Tomorrow 5/10

I wasn't dying to see Edge Of Tomorrow. The title is silly, the trailer didn't tickle my pickle, and, my god, Tom Cruise has released some stinkers lately. But I decided to give this a try because I am dying to see some good movies. This one wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be but I wouldn't start telling people to go see it. Its in the future at some point and Cruise plays Major William Cage who...wait. William Cage? Really. Let me look at the names he has used in his last few films. Jack Harper, Jack Reacher, Stacee Jaxx, and Ethan Hunt. Come on now.

Cage (sigh) gets forced into fighting against a bunch of aliens that are attacking Europe. Its so silly. They send this guy who is a flight risk and has absolutely no combat experience to help spearhead the last ditched effort against these Mimics (never explained why these aliens are called this because they don't mimic a damned thing). He manages to land on the battlefield and dies. But not really. He wakes up right after he was caught and taken to boot camp.

Theater Whore: Looper

I’ve been hearing people talk about this new movie Looper starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Bruce Willis and no one has said it was bad. I have heard that it was good to awesome so I decided to check it out. I learned that I really need to stop listening to people. More. This movie is about who will be referred to as Old Joe (Willis) and Young Joe (Gordon-Levitt) Simmons. It takes place around 2042 where Young Joe is a killer for the mob 30 years in the future. He shows up with his gun, a blunderbuss, victim appears in the middle of a field with silver plates as payment, and he shoots them. He then takes their body and burns it. 

You may be asking why go through all this trouble of dealing with a corpse. Well, in the future murdering people is illegal and so is time travel but mobsters don’t give a damn and use it. What confused me about these “Gat Men” as they are called, is that they just wander around with their fucking cannons without being arrested. Loopers have a 30 year contract meaning that after that amount of time their old self is sent back to be killed. They know and accept this. Usually. Young Joe’s telekinetic friend, I’ll get to that nonsense later, Seth played by Paul Dano has his older version sent back and cant kill him. Seth’s older version shows up and sings a song that Young Seth remembers his mother singing to him.

Paul Dano: When Shia LeBeouf is busy.

Old Seth tells him about a Rainmaker in the future. Old Seth gets away since their blunderbuss guns cant shoot well past fifteen feet. Young Seth runs to Young Joe’s house to hide. Young Joe sells him out and by the time Old Seth gets to a meeting place he falls the fuck apart. Whatever they do to the younger version of you effects the older you. First Old Seth’s arm has a scar that tells him where to go. Then his fingers start to vanish. Then his nose. Then his legs come off and his arms. Then he is shot as we see Young Seth being cut on a table. This was the best part of the movie.