Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Who Is The Best Punisher?

In continuing with this series of blogs about Who Is The Best? I was trying to find a character that has been played by multiple people and it hit me: The Punisher. I've seen every version of the films based off of the character and none of them have been great. One was okay but none great. The best Punisher related film to come out was a fan film that you can watch on Youtube called Dirty Laundry. It isn't long but its pretty damned amazing. Kinda like my...tongue.

Since there have been only three versions made film wise this won't be as long as my other posts. Honestly, you don't need to read much about this character. Former war vet, family gets killed, he goes crazy, kills people that do bad. He's like Batman if Batman lost his goddamn mind. Which has happened in various comics and realities. A crazy Batman is good for no one.

Dolph Lundgren as Frank Castle

I am having trouble recalling what he was like as Frank. But look at him. Can you picture this guy playing with his kids in the park? He looks like the kinda dad that would punch his son for dropping the ball. “Frank Castle is the city's most wanted, and most mysterious, vigilante, known as The Punisher. He has killed 125 people in the last 5 years. Castle is an ex-police officer, whose family was murdered in a mob hit. Living in the sewers and waging a one-man war against organized crime.” He just sounds like a crazy ass hobo or a Ninja Turtle. 125 people? That is a fuck-ton of people!

Dolph Lundgren as The Punisher

Insane. He gets hit way more than someone who has killed 125 people should. That is unless 122 of them were asleep when he did it. He has a good look but its not Punisher to me. Its sociopath. Yes, I am aware that Punisher is nuts. But this guy looks nuts! There's a difference. And how can you call yourself Punisher and not have the damned skull on your chest? You walk into a fight just holding a gun and wearing black, you're just nuts. You walk into a fight holding a gun and wearing a skull on your shirt, you're someone to be reckoned with.

Thomas Jane as Frank Castle

This guy is a nice dad from what you see with him and his family. His son likes him. His wife is hot. His family gets slaughtered. All the pieces are there. “At Castle's family reunion, gunmen including Glass and John Saint, Bobby's identical twin, kill most of the extended family. Castle and his father kill several of the attackers before Castle's father is killed. Castle's wife and son try to escape in a jeep, but Saint runs over them with a truck, killing them. Castle, shot in the chest and blown off a pier in an explosion set by Glass, survives and is nursed back to health by a local fisherman, Candelaria.” His son hands him a shirt with a skull before he gets killed which is just odd. I'd never think to give my father a shirt like that. I have given him two packs of cigarettes for his birthday one year. But I didn't get killed and he didn't stalk the streets as The Smoker.

Thomas Jane as The Punisher

Too nice! He is way too nice! There is a scene where he tortures a guy with a damned popsicle. You don't believe me? Look!


Punisher don't play games like this! He is one of the most brutal characters ever created. But in this movie he cares about people and shows feelings. No. You don't get to do that. And his main villain in this that he has trouble killing is John Travolta. Come on! So while he got the skull right, he kinda has the look right, and has great weapons, he loses quite a bit of points by not seeming scary enough. I think Travolta is scarier.

Ray Stevenson as Frank Castle

This is how its done! Frank had a family at some point that we can assume he loved but fuck all that. He is set to kill 24/7 and crime needs to watch its sweet, virgin ass. “Frank Castle who by now has been the Punisher for five years, assaults a party for mob boss Gaitano Cesare. Castle infiltrates Russoti's hideout, and after a brief firefight, Russoti is thrown into a glass-crushing machine that leaves him hideously disfigured.” The villain is bullshit but whatever.

Ray Stevenson as The Punisher

This guy is brutal as hell. In the first killing scene he kills more people than either Punisher movie combined. And he looks like he's been through some real shit. There is no Frank Castle. He is a monster that does things far worse than the criminals he fights against. And one of the guys he has to fight is the pedo that was married to Courtney Stodden. If you were a bad guy and saw what he did to your buddies, you'd shit yourself cross-eyed and kill yourself. Though this movie had a shit plot and terrible acting it by far was the closest thing to a Punisher movie close to the comic that we'll ever get.

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