Ride Along 5/10
I have
wanted to see Ride Along ever since I first saw the trailer for it.
It stars Kevin Hart who I think is funny as hell (except for Let Me Explain where I laughed once) and I've been a fan of Ice Cube since I
was a child. The two of them together seemed like it would be a great
mix and for a bit it is. But this movie takes a turn and never gets
back to what made the movie funny at times, which was the interaction
between Hart and Cube.
Hart
plays Ben Barber who is a security guard at a high school who wants
to join the police academy. He spends his free time playing video
games online which give him a ton of knowledge about guns though he's
never held a real one. He wants to marry his fiancee Angela Payton
played by Tika Sumpter who is just too damned cute. The biggest
hurdle is James Payton played by Cube who is her older brother.
Payton is chasing after a guy that no one has ever seen named Omar for years and is getting closer to taking his empire down. The premise of Omar's plan is something out of a video game. Ben gets accepted to the police academy and asks Payton for his sisters hand in marriage. Payton says no and then tells Ben to prove himself during a ride along where he sets up crazy situations for Ben to handle. It turns out that they are made up for the most part by Payton's friends and Ben finds out. The story then takes a darker tone which fits Ice Cube fine but the parts where its supposed to be funny just make Hart seem stupid and dangerous.
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| Tika for no reason! |
This
movie could've been super funny. It has done well enough to have a
sequel that's already being started. Maybe it'll be better than this
one. If they had gone the route of just having nothing but crazy COPS
style ride along's it would've been funnier because those were the
best part. The big take down the kingpin aspect totally ruined the
pace of this movie.
The
Legend Of Hercules 4/10
Kellan
Lutz is the star of The Legend Of Hercules and it felt like he got
the Sam Worthington/Taylor Kitsch treatment where they take a good
looking guy and toss him into the deep end far too fast. He has a
great look but this movie was not a good showcase for his abilities
as an action star or actor.
This is about Hercules mom hating her ruthless husband and praying for some goddamned peace. Hera or whoever (I can't for shit find out who played her in the movie) shows up and gives her permission to let Zeus fuck her. And fuck her he does! If you've never seen Greek god sex than you ain't seen sex! She floats, there's electricity, screaming. Its intense. Her husband is like “Who you fucking?!” and has his soldiers search for the guy. Later she has Hercules who goes by another name.
Hercules
brother is a dick, he likes a chick that is set to marry his brother,
his father sends him to war, he gets captured, he kicks ass, his
mother gets killed by her husband, his brother is gonna marry the
chick he likes, he comes home, he kicks more ass. This movie could've
been cool in a bad way but it isn't. Its a bag of nonsense with
special effects that float between awesome and fucking horrible. The
use of slow motion during every single fight scene was ridiculous.
Just watch this when it comes out on cable like most movie goers did.
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