The Review: First Christmas

First Christmas 6/10

This movie was okay even though I still experienced rage while watching. This lady named Halle that was given up for adoption as a baby is a successful author going through writers block. She gets an invite to see her family for the first time in New Orleans. Her actual father has passed away and she is sent a DNA kit to use and confirm her heritage for a letter from his estate. She is hesitant but decides to give it a go. She gets a phone call from her grandmother aka Memaw. She heads to New Orleans and meets a bunch of confrontational psychos who are her family.

The Review: Christmas In Carolina

Christmas In Carolina 0/10

I should give this a 1/10 because we laughed so hard at how badly this was made. I'm not even sure why we watched this. I think my lady wanted revenge for making her watch some movies she didn't like. This movie is about an unlikable woman that has a sister that says she should be dating. She meets with this guy and they have a raggedy ass date where she just gives him attitude. He likes her though. Why? Still not clear. So they go on another date where she gets mad because his phone range at the end and she made an effort to not be on hers. I'm still not sure what jobs either of them have but I guess they are successful at it. By the next time they meet he plans on proposing to her and his brother hates this and says that he did this last year and ruined Christmas for their mother. Misunderstandings happen but they all make up at the end and everyone lives happily ever after in what seems like weeks after meeting.

The Review: A Quiet Place 2

A Quiet Place 2 (8/10)

This movie had me tense as hell. I have not seen the first movie but L. gave me a pretty good recap of the film and combined with what I knew of the film that was enough. So these monsters that hunt by using sound show up and wreck shit. The focus is on the Abbott family that consists of a mom, dad, deaf daughter, son, and younger son. Younger son gets snatched by creature because he sets off a toy rocket sound. Mom gives birth silently after stepping on nail. Dad sacrifices himself. Deaf daughter realizes that creatures are sensitive to sound from her hearing aid. This movie starts off showing how these monsters first showed up. Whole nice ass town at a baseball game when suddenly they see something crashing to Earth. They calmly, surprisingly calmly, leave the game and then all of the hell breaks loose!

The Review: The Banker

The Banker 7/10

I liked this movie. I can't quite describe it because there is a whole lot of math and bank talk. Its also based off a true story as L. mentioned to me. This dude Bernard Garrett grows up a smart kid but because it is 1954 he is pretty much told to cut that shit out and stay Black. As he grows up he wants to get into doing real estate but can't because Black. He meets this guy named Joe Morris who has a lot of money and clubs and convinces him that they can work together. They hire this kid named Matt to be the face of their business and things go great. Then they head to Texas and things go great until they go really not great. They pretty much run two banks and help out Black people with loans for their homes and businesses but that is not looked kindly upon. I would give this a higher score if the pacing was a bit faster and less time was spent showing me math. Its on Apple+ so nobody watching this.

Anthony Mackie as Bernard Garrett

Nicholas Hoult as Matt Steiner

Samuel L. Jackson as Joe Morris

Nia Long as Eunice Garrett

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: Love And Monsters

Love And Monsters 7/10

This was a fun little movie. In Love And Monsters there was a meteor coming to Earth so everyone shot it with missiles and then it rained down all kinds of radiation that turned every insect and frog and whatever into giant creatures. This kid Joel gets split from his girlfriend and his parents end up getting killed. He stays in a bunker with a group fighting creatures. They do. He cooks and draws. He decides to go find his girl one day and travel 85 miles on foot fighting all kinds of crazy ass things. Along the way he finds a dog and comes across a man and a little girl that give him some training and tips on how to survive. He eventually is found by his girlfriend but she had already started seeing someone else (which would have been nice to know before he trekked across the most dangerous land!). A guy with a ship shows up with her group and says he has a way to safety on his yacht and it turns out he is using people as bait to make a giant crab drag the damn boat. This was on Hulu and a nice easy watch.

Dylan O'Brien as Joel Dawson

Jessica Henwick as Aimee

Michael Rooker as Clyde Dutton

Dan Ewing as Cap

Ariana Greenblatt as Minnow

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: Zola

Zola 6/10

This movie was fucking crazy. I had heard of the tweets that this movie Zola was based off of but never read them. I watched this and was shocked that what happened because if my ass was involved it never would have made it past five minutes. This is about this woman named Aziah “Zola” King that is a waitress that strips on the side. One day she meets this woman named Stefani that invites her on a road trip from Detroit to Florida to dance and get paid. This shit goes sideways real quick. The trip itself was too much for my old spirit. The music, the gum chewing, the weird ass boyfriend named Derrek, and X who turns out to be Stefani's pimp. Yeah. He threatens Zola and tries to whore her out but she ends up just teaching Stefani how to make more money for sex. There is a montage of some of the strangest looking mail genitalia. This movie was less than an hour and a half but felt longer. Not sure what could have been cut out considering it was so short but it felt like something was missing. It was based off tweets so how much more could I ask for? It was shot well and looked good but I wouldn't suggest rushing out to find this.

Taylour Paige as Aziah "Zola" King

Riley Keough as Stefani

Nicholas Braun as Derrek

Colman Domingo as Abegunde “X” Olawale

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: Mapleworth Murders

Mapleworth Murders 10/10

A few days ago while hanging with L. we turned on the Roku and on the main menu it showed this show called Mapleworth Murders. She said “What in the Murder She Wrote...?” and we decided to check this out. We immediately started laughing at this damn show. We were getting into it when suddenly the episode ended. Same with the next and so forth. Each one is less than like nine minutes long so the show flies by. If you watch this on Youtube you can finish it in about an hour and a half. Consisting of twelve episodes there are four cases lasting three episodes. It is about a writer named Abigail Mapleworth that lives in this quaint little town that has a high murder rate. One day her niece Heidi moves in with her and helps her solve crimes.

The Review: Tenet

Tenet 1/10

I legit couldn't tell you what this movie was about. I wanted to see Tenet in theaters after seeing the trailer last year. I was hype as shit for this movie. But as the year dragged on and it kept being pushed back I lost interest. It came out on HBO Max and I still waited to check it out until a couple of days ago. It starts off action packed and that was cool...for a few minutes. That is something in this movie I noticed. The action goes on way too long and sometimes is shown twice in rewind. I'm not gonna get into the plot of this because it made no sense to me. I wasn't interested in any of the characters or whether or not this reality or the backwards one survived by the time this ended. I'm glad I didn't see this in theaters, though. I pictured me sitting there making no sound and just watching things happen on the screen. Lots of things happened but they are either confusing or uninteresting. Halfway through and a lot of things weren't clear to me and it made me question whether or not I was paying attention. I was. It was just that the story was unfolding in a way that had me waiting for answers and when I got them I either didn't care or it still made no sense. I couldn't suggest this to anyone. I didn't give it a 0/10 because I finished it and it looked good. The sound was trash though. I don't know what the fuck happened to this movie.

John David Washington as the Protagonist

Robert Pattinson as Neil

Elizabeth Debicki as Katherine “Kat” Barton

Michael Caine as Sir Michael Crosby

Kenneth Branagh as Andrei Sator

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: Mortal Kombat Legends Scorpion's Revenge

Mortal Kombat Legends Scorpion's Revenge 7/10

The other day while cruising around HBO Max and had recently watched the new Mortal Kombat and the old one (still awesome) and saw this Mortal Kombat Legends: Scorpion's Revenge movie and decided to check it out. I'm glad I did because this was pretty cool. Also, same with the latest MK movie the best parts were the ones involving Scorpion. We once again get to see his family slaughtered which is quickly becoming the new Bruce Wayne watching his parents get shot. He comes home with his son and notices that the city is too quiet. Next thing you know he is being chased by ninjas and after his son finds his mom dead Scorpion loses all of his shit! There is more violence in this scene than in all MK movies combined. He was slicing heads into threes! It was wild.

The Review: The New Mutants

The New Mutants 2/10

This movie was dumb. Now, I had heard about this years ago and complained about them holding it back from release forever until releasing it while the world is dealing with a pandemic. I had heard reviews about The New Mutants and none made it sound good. Fans of the comics said it was confusing. I can attest to that fact. This movie was baffling on so many levels. It starts with Dani being woken by her father because something is attacking her reservation. She gets chased, knocked out, and wakes up tied to a bed at a hospital that is obviously not really a hospital. Dr. Reyes (who as far I know from the comics was a good lady) tells her everyone is dead and that she has powers and needs to learn how to control them. What are her powers? Not quite sure.

The Review: 30 Coins

30 Coins 9/10

Random ass spoilers. Hey. Wanna watch a series that will make you yell, scream, curse, and consider grabbing a bible? I got just the show for you. 30 Coins also known as 30 Monedas is a series that was produced in Spain and it shows because they be having some honked up stuff over there. Actually, for as much trash as folks talk about how violent American movies are we are by far the least violent. If you ever watch a horror movie with subtitles you're gonna see things that make Final Destination look like Blue's Clues. After I was finished I found out that every episodes was directed and written by Álex de la Iglesia who did Day Of The Beast which I saw almost ten years ago and that film was fucked up. I know it sounds like I might be trying to talk you out of watching this but I'm not. I just don't watch much horror so when I do it involves a lot of me adding new things to a list of experiences I never want to have.

The Review: Sylvie's Love

Sylvie's Love 9/10

This movie was cute as fuck. I watched Sylvie's Love and was kinda hesitant because of the time period. If a movie has Black people and it is in the early 1960's I automatically think that it is gonna be about the struggle and sometimes I don't wanna watch people my skin color struggling in real life and in entertainment. Sometimes I want them to be happy, dance, do weird shit, or like this movie, just be in a relationship. This came out at the end of the year though I didn't watch it till this one so at the end of the year I will add it to my best of 2021 list because, my god, last year was ass for films. I have a list I made. It'll be up soon and is nothing but TV shows.

Documentality: I'll Be Gone In The Dark/Heaven's Gate/Night Stalker

I'll Be Gone In The Dark 10/10

I don't watch a ton of documentaries. If I do they tend to be about music in some way. But this one was one I kinda slightly knew about so I decided to check it out. All I knew was that the author had passed away right before the killer was caught. This is by far one of the best and most intriguing documentaries I have ever seen. It was filmed well. This was filthy with information regarding the killer and the authors search for his identity. Michelle McNamara spent years tracking down every clue to the Golden State Killer and ended up dying from an accidental drug overdose. He was known as the East Area Rapist and The original Night Stalker. There is another. I watched his documentary too. This bastard was killing in the 70's and 80's before he was finally caught in 2018. The interviews with the victims families and survivors show how much of an impact this evil son of a bitch had on their lives but also show how he didn't destroy them. Six episodes. In HBO Max. Definitely worth watching.

Documentality: Class Action Park

Class Action Park 7/10

I watched this crazy ass documentary about a crazy ass theme park that was called Action Park. It went by names like Class Action Park and Traction Park. It opened in 1978 and was split into three areas. There was a dangerous ass water park. A deadly kayak spot. And a river that assured you'd get jacked up. They go over the history of the guy that created this place and the invention of the rides that hurt and killed folks. I really liked the way this was filmed with former employees, customers, and a mother whose son fucking died there. There was one guy on here that made me crack up each time he was on screen and I hope there's a version of this that exists with 90 minutes of him talking. I watched this on HBO Max. 

The Review: Soul

Soul 5/10

A lot of people have been raving about this movie Soul and how good it made them feel. I was not a big fan of the movie. It looked nice. Had good music. But I wasn't moved by the story whatsoever. This music teacher named Joe Gardner has dreams of being a great musician for a living. He is offered a teaching job but gets a great gig playing piano and ends up falling into a manhole and dying. I guess. I'm not quite sure honestly. Like, he isn't bruised or anything but is on an escalator to the Great Beyond and hops off saying he has to get back for this performance. Wait. He's in a coma. That's fucked up that he is moving on from a coma. He meets these soul counselors and he pretends to be an instructor and gets the task of finding a “spark” for someone named 22. 22 has chased away some of the greatest people in history with her behavior.

The Review: Raised By Wolves

Raised By Wolves 9/10

Spoilers! How would I even begin to try and explain what Raised By Wolves is? I started watching it months ago with CK and stopped for a few weeks thinking I was almost done. It was only four episodes. I don't mean that in a bad way. The show isn't slow. Its methodical and if you are looking for constant action this is not for you. This is about these two androids named Mother and Father that land on a planet called Kepler-22b because humans have fucked up the planet fighting over religion. They have a batch of kids that Mother has to birth so that they can start the race all over again. As atheists. That's the most important part. So they start raising all these kids and one ends up falling in a hole and the rest start dying mysteriously except for one of them. I was like “This lady robot is killing the fuck out these kids!”

The Review: The Mandalorian Season 2

The Mandalorian Season Two 10/10

I fucking love this show. This will be full of random spoilers. By now everyone knows that I did not grow up as a fan of Star Wars (click here for my first season review full of links) and just within the last month of so watched the latest of the newer films. I know little random things about the universe from YouTube videos that explain stuff which came in helpful for this season since it touches on a lot of stuff that comes from animated shows I didn't watch. I'm kind of glad because while watching this show I didn't have any preconceived ideas of what I thought should or even could happen so everything was a surprise to me.

The Review: Wonder Woman 1984

Wonder Woman 1984 (0/10)

Operation Wolf was not out in 1984! Just had to get that out of the way. This is gonna be full of spoilers but not really since the trailer shows everything that is supposed to be cool or wow you. There is nothing good about this Wonder Woman 1984 movie. There was nothing that gave me goosebumps. There was nothing that made me laugh or feel anything. This movie was so not for me and I'm a huge fan of Wonder Woman as a character. I had the same problem with this movie when I first saw the trailer that I did with the first movie (click here for that review) in that since they both take place in the past I already know that no matter what happens she will be fine.

The Review: Underwater (2020)

Underwater 1/10

What the fuck was this? They didn't even bother to try and make a title. Today I watched this movie called Underwater. I heard of it earlier this year and watched the trailer but didn't really have a desire to watch it. But I was in between working on Perler beads so I figured I would check this out. It was trash. What makes me dislike this more than usual is the fact that by looking at it you can tell that actual effort was put into this. The special effects look great. The water, the explosions, and set. The way the suits look. All great. But the story is 99 Cent Store toilet paper thin. The characters have zero development and they try to squeeze some in as they are running from water and these sea creatures. They were drilling underwater and woke up some ancient shit. When the movie was ending I was like “Is this for real?” Then I saw how much it made compared to how much it cost and nodded because it made perfect sense. This movie wasn't scary. There was no suspense. Everyone was the character that dies in a movie. 2020 has been a shit year for movies.

Kristen Stewart as Norah Price

Vincent Cassel as W. Lucien

Mamoudou Athie as Rodrigo Nagenda

T.J. Miller as Paul Abel

John Gallagher Jr. as Liam Smith

Jessica Henwick as Emily Haversham

Gunner Wright as Lee Miller

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: Lovecraft Country Season 1

Lovecraft Country 9/10

Full of spoilers! After months of not watching and some sad ass attempts at trying to recap this series episode by episode I have finally finished Lovecraft Country. This is one of the best series I have ever watched. I'm not even worried about hyping it too much because if you don't like this show something is wrong with you. Yeah. I said it. If you can't get into a show that has magic, time travel, ghosts, history lessons, monsters, science, and teaching you how not to be a racist asshole then I don't even wanna talk to you. Matter of fact, get out my face! This show was so damned good. So why didn't I give it a 10/10? I'll get to that.