The Review: Abandoned/Thanksgiving Roast/Finding Joy

Abandoned The Woman In The Decaying House DNF/10

This is the first of three things L and I watched This is a three part documentary about a podcast that uncovered this lady that went from Brazil, moved to DC with a maid, tortured her, and then ran away back to Brazil living in this formerly lavish home. We got to hear from her on the podcast as well as interviews with the servant. There was so much failure on too many people's parts and it got to the point where I started victim blaming. We didn't even bother to finish the last episode. I know I put DNF but this is a 2/10 for me personally.

The Review: Greenland

Greeenland 1/10

Gonna be a long one. This movie was dumb. My lady has been watching a lot of Naked & Afraid and apocalyptic movies so we watched this past weekend. This movie made me add the mother to a list of some of the worst mamas in film. Let me explain this because I am having a hard time staying on track with all the nonsense that was in this. This engineer named John pops over to his future ex wife, Allison's, house. She is working out and he startles her. We quickly learn that they have a son named Nathan that OF COURSE has fucking health issues. This has been a thing in movies for a while (to have a sick child) but now its done so that when people who have nothing to do with your personal issues gets killed its fine because its in the name of a sick child. He diabetic.

The Review: A Holiday In Harlem

A Holiday In Harlem 7/10

What I think is the last holiday movie for the year L and I watched this movie called A Holiday In Harlem. This lady Jazmin is always busy with work and dodging being around her family. She ends up letting it slip to her grandmother that she is in the city and has to hang out with her. At a yoga class she falls on her grandmother and destroys her Achilles. Now she has to stay and run the yearly neighborhood gathering. She runs into her former best friend, Caleb, who she bounced on years ago without saying goodbye. Every good thing she tries to do has a bad aftertaste to it that causes more problems that get solved by trusting in others. This movie didn't have a heavy amount of drama or annoying characters which I liked.

Olivia Washington as Jazmin

Will Adams as Caleb

Tina Lifford as Mama Belle

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: The Black Phone

The Black Phone 8/10

A while ago I watched this movie with H&B. This movie was way better than I thought it would be because the trailer for it did not make it look all that interesting. I also like the writer of the original short story that this was based off of but they have a tendency to screw up his writing when it comes to TV series and such. This is about this little boy named Finney who gets bullied because he aura screams victim. And this is 1970 style bullying so it's pretty much close to murder whenever these kids get beat up. While this is going on there's also a bunch of kids being kidnapped and murdered and they call him The Grabber. One day Finney's little sister starts having these visions about the kidnapper and their father gets pissed off because their mother used to have psychic visions and she killed herself. So his solution to her have any psychic visions and them having a dead mama is to be physically abusive to them.

The Review: Spiral

Spiral 7/10

Spiral was actually good. I gave up on Saw films a while back because they started getting brutal for nothing and the traps were set up so there was no way to actually survive. This is a Saw based film but no Billy the Puppet showing up. This detective named Bozwick chases this guy down into the subway and ends up caught in a f-ed up trap where he has to cut his tongue off the survive. He don't. This is not that kinda movie. If someone is in a trap if they don't immediately make the decision to maim themselves they're gonna die. His former partner Zeke Banks tries to track down who is now murdering multiple cops before it gets even worse. What sucks is that his department is dirty as hell and he can't trust anyone. Hell, it turns out his father is one of the main dirty ones. Zeke gets a new guy that works with him and he ends up getting killed. Or does he? This was a jacked up ass movie but the kills were not as gory as previous films. Just really jacked up. This movie showed that you could make Saw spinoffs and they would be cool. I'd like to see a few seasons of shows just like this movie.

Chris Rock as Detective Zeke Banks

Max Minghella as Detective William Schenk/Emmerson

Leonidas Castrounis as Young William

Samuel L. Jackson as Marcus Banks

Marisol Nichols as Captain Angie Garza

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: No Time To Die

No Time To Die 1/10

This movie? Wack. The acting? Wack. The music? Wack. The story? Wack. Seriously, I did not enjoy this at all and didn't give it a 0/10 because I finished it. All I knew about this beforehand was that folks were mad about a Black woman being the new Bond. James Bond is still James Bond. This woman got the 007 name after he left which was done to be petty I guess. This could have been an hour long with how thin the story was. It had been so long since the last film I forgot he had a consistent love interest in any way. I really have nothing else to add. I did not like this. I almost didn't even write this cause its not really a review. Not gonna bother listing the cast either. Like, this movie had some action scenes that were separated by weak dialogue.

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: Forever Purge

Forever Purge 6/10

This was actually a decent movie. I watched Forever Purge with L. last weekend and before I did I talked shit about the various films since I have watched all of them for some reason (click here, here, here, and here for those reviews) and even write how to survive the Purge (click here for that). It took this many tries but they managed to keep the story coherent and not make it feel like a bunch of the people were slapped together for story's sake. This takes place in 2048 and is supposed to be eight years after the lady president from one of the other films and the New Founding Fathers of America are back in control of the government and they're like “Guess what, America? We bringing back the Purge!”

The Review: Cobra Kai Season 4

Cobra Kai Season Four 6/10

I watched this so many months ago but never did a review for it. It was not a bad season but it started to feel like the series is repeating itself. Things seem okay then someone from the past shows up from one of the old Karate Kid films and then cause trouble until it is resolved. Or not. There is one more season of this to go (I think) but I would have been okay with the previous season being its last. When looking for my reviews it turns out that I never even did one for seasons two and three for some reason. That says something. I don't know what it is but it says something about me and how I consume this show. Like, I enjoy the show and all but after a while it has dragged on. I don't remember this season beat for beat but I recall strongly feeling like LaRusso children being assholes. I think that's about it, really. The show is fine but I won't be clamoring to watch the next season and if I do I might forget to even write about it.

Ralph Macchio as Daniel LaRusso

William Zabka as Johnny Lawrence

Courtney Henggeler as Amanda LaRusso

Xolo Maridueña as Miguel Diaz

Tanner Buchanan as Robby Keene

Mary Mouser as Samantha LaRusso

Jacob Bertrand as Eli "Hawk" Moskowitz

Gianni DeCenzo as Demetri Alexopoulos

Peyton List as Tory Nichols

Vanessa Rubio as Carmen Diaz

Thomas Ian Griffith as Terry Silver

Martin Kove as John Kreese

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: The Protege

The Protege 2/10

This film should have been awesome considering who was in it. But between the shoddy camera work, writing, plot twists, and directing this didn't stand a chance. I randomly decided to watch this because of the cast thinking that it would at least be a fun one to watch. I was wrong. Like, goofy wrong. This dude named Moody finds a room full of dead dudes he was supposed to kill and a little girl did it. He takes her under his wing and she is a assassin now. Moody gets “killed” and she looks for revenge and finds out he ain't dead and they go to kill someone. I'm still not exactly sure why she wants to kill him but she is sidetracked trying to kill two other dudes. Its fucking weird and confusing. The lady, Anna, who is the assassin gets shot and hurt so many times but a shower is like a reset for her and her injuries only affect her enough to have someone catch up to her. Everyone double crosses each other. The ending is ridiculous and became one of those times where I wondered how this trained killer managed to stay alive so long based on what I saw.

Maggie Q as Anna Dutton

Michael Keaton as Michael Rembrandt

Samuel L. Jackson as Moody Dutton

Robert Patrick as Billy Boy

Patrick Malahide as Vohl

David Rintoul as Edward Hayes

Ori Pfeffer as Athens

Ray Fearon as Duquet

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: F9

 

F9 4/10

So this was a movie. An very expensive looking movie. I have seen all of the Fast & Furious movies and this one looked crazy as hell from the trailer. It is. This movie is fucking nuts. At this point they have gone way off the rails and if they do another movie it needs to be more grounded. I mean that literally since they go into fucking space in this one. That's right. They go into actual outer space. The movie even makes fun of itself with one of the characters recapping all of the things that they have survived without being hurt. Hell, even a character that was dead came back in this one! The basic story is that it turns out that Dominic had a brother all these years and he is back to try and take over the world. This actually didn't feel like a Furious film so much as a crazy superhero movie with the cast from the Furious films in it together. Make one more but stay on the planet, actually do some street racing, and focus on maybe two people instead.

Vin Diesel as Dominic Toretto

Michelle Rodriguez as Letty Ortiz

Tyrese Gibson as Roman Pearce

Chris "Ludacris" Bridges as Tej Parker

Nathalie Emmanuel as Ramsey

Sung Kang as Han Lue

Helen Mirren as Queenie Magdalene Ellmanson-Shaw

Kurt Russell as Mr. Nobody

Charlize Theron as Cipher

Thue Ersted Rasmussen as Otto

Anna Sawai as Elle

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: The King's Man

 

The King's Man 1/10

This movie was terrible. Really enjoyed the first one and couldn't make it through the first fifteen minutes of the sequel. I was excited about this one...two years ago. This was supposed to had been come out but it kept being pushed back because you all don't know how to stay indoors and wear masks properly. Well, they released this on streaming and this feels like they took two movies that weren't that good and turned it into one terrible and long feeling one. I'm not sure how to even explain this movie. Guy used to be a soldier, didn't like it, wife gets killed trying to do good, guy doesn't want son to be a soldier, son gets killed in war, father is like “Fuck it” and starts fighting again to stop the war from getting worse. I wasn't even excited during the fight scenes. I just kinda sat here and they happened. The funny thing about this is that the character that I thought would be the main focus gets shot in the face and its all downhill from there. Well, more downhill. And then this movie had the nerve to threaten me with a sequel. No thank you.

Ralph Fiennes as Orlando, Duke of Oxford/Arthur

Gemma Arterton as Polly Watkins/Galahad

Rhys Ifans as Grigori Rasputin

Djimon Hounsou as Shola/Merlin

Tom Hollander as King George/Percival

Harris Dickinson as Conrad Oxford

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: Eternals

Eternals 1/10

So a while back I was interested in seeing this movie because the MCU has managed to get me interested in characters that I didn't give a damn about previously. But holy crap that really dropped the ball with this one. Between this and Hawkeye (not to mention Black Widow) they have been putting out some stinkers. Not even “That was alright...” stinkers but straight up “I wouldn't suggest this to anyone.” It is so disconnected from the other films that you could watch this on its own and still not be entertained. I'm not gonna put who was in the movie because I don't care to copy, paste, and edit their names. The plot? Uh, some aliens been here for thousands of years giving us shit and find out they supposed to let us all die and repeat on other planets like they have in the past. They kinda like Earth so they wanna stop it. This movie was long as FUCK. I shouldn't even say that because there are others just as long, but this one felt very long. I should have watched this over two days. I didn't but I paused a few times. I didn't rate this a 0/10 because it looked nice. Not the special effects but it was a good looking film. I have spent more time than I intended writing about this trash.

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: Encanto

Encanto 10/10

You lucky ass kids. I watched Encanto with L. streaming and absolutely loved this damn movie. It made me feel feelings! I seriously have no complaints about this and what makes it even more surprising for me is that I really don't dig animated movies anymore that are computer based. Its the bitter ass pencil and paper guy that draws in me. This is about a girl named Mirabel that belongs to this family of Madrigal's that all have special abilities that began after her grandmother and grandfather was trying to get to freedom and a better life with their triplets. The grandfather was killed and a magical candle appears and builds a magical home and land for everyone. Its really cool. Each of the Madrigal's are given a special ability as a child when a door with their image on it appears. One sister can grow flowers and is perfect, another is super strong, one can hear everything, Mirabel's mom can cure anything with her food. And then there's Bruno...but we don't talk about him.

The Review: The Tragedy Of Macbeth

The Tragedy Of Macbeth 9/10

I'm not gonna sit here and recap the entire The Tragedy Of Macbeth because I know better. I watched this with L. on Apple and really liked it. The way acting and the way it looked were incredible. Thankfully I still understand what they are saying and even got to use this ability while watching. It felt like I was watching a play starring some great stars and a lot of surprises appearing throughout. If you have a chance to check this out you really should even if its hard to understand it is nice to look at. This along with some other films I have seen recently and will be reviewing soon would have made my best of list if I had seen them before the end of the year.

Denzel Washington as Lord Macbeth

Frances McDormand as Lady Macbeth

Alex Hassell as Ross

Corey Hawkins as Macduff

Bertie Carvel as Banquo

Harry Melling as Malcolm

Brendan Gleeson as King Duncan

Kathryn Hunter as the Witches/Old Man

Click here for previous The Review.

Sitting In The Aisle: Spider-Man No Way Home

Spider-Man No Way Home 9/10

I'm not gonna spoil Spider-Man: No Way Home. I had some stuff spoiled and it sucks because I am good at avoiding that stuff but with this no matter what channel or site I was on names and characters would pop up. I will say that this movie managed to be better than I thought it would be considering the amount of just....everything that it had to do. This had to cover so much ground in terms of story, characters, resolving of battles, and tales that will lead to future films. There is only one reason why I didn't rate this a 10/10 and I can't even get into that right now. I will do a follow up review after this starts streaming and more people have a chance to check it out. I will say that I thoroughly enjoyed this and when it streams will watch it a few more times because I know there is a lot of detail I missed. This was my favorite Spider-Man movie but not my highest rated.

Tom Holland as Peter Parker/Spider-Man

Zendaya as Michelle "MJ" Jones-Watson

Benedict Cumberbatch as Dr. Stephen Strange

Jacob Batalon as Ned Leeds

Jon Favreau as Harold "Happy" Hogan

Benedict Wong as Wong

Tony Revolori as Eugene "Flash" Thompson

Marisa Tomei as May Parker

J. K. Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson

Click here for previous Sitting In The Aisle.

Worst Movies Of The Year 2021

There were so many terrible moves released last year. More than usual actually. I had to cut this list of the Worst Movies Of The Year down a bit. Its like it wasn't bad enough to make a bad movie, they had to make what was bad about them even worse. Like so bad that a few of them felt like personal attacks. Here is the list and if you enjoyed any of these films I envy you.

Best Movies Of The Year 2021

2021 had some really good movies considering that I wasn't able to go to theaters. I went once and it was to see a 1940's film and that felt weird. But streaming channels stepped up and supplied me with a lot of entertainment. This list is very much all over the place but I'm happy that four of them would be considered Black films. Links for each full review below.

Worst Series Of 2021

I thought I had done a Worst Series Of 2021 category before but somehow have not. The past year had lots of good series buy, my god, there were some really terrible ones both old and new. And some that were just straight up disappointing. Here is my list which is funny considering that they were mostly praised by folks.

Best Series Of 2021

2021 had far more good series that I expected there to be. If not for L. most of the shows on this list would not have been watched by me. I had heard of some coming soon but based on posters had no desire to check them out. Usually I have about five shows that I'll enjoy and for the most part they are just the next season of another show. These were all first seasons which is incredible. I will be posting a link to each of these Best Series Of 2021 and a small description of why its on this list.

The Review: The Matrix Resurrections

The Matrix Resurrections 1/10

This was ass. Loved the first Matrix movie. Second had interesting fights. The third...yeah. Matrix: Resurrections was something that didn't need to happen. It didn't make me nostalgic. The effects weren't groundbreaking. The music. Geez. There is a song that starts playing at the end credits that made me want to throw my remote at the TV. The song was that bad. It took me two days to finish this because it felt odd and long. I did not think that this was gonna be a great movie. I knew some of the original cast was coming back but it wasn't like I wondered “I wish I knew what was going on with Neo and Trinity...” This movie can almost be watched without seeing the others because they turned the Matrix into a joke it feels. The first movie started people on paths of philosophical thought and revolutionized the action genre. This had fight scenes you could see on The CW Network. I shouldn't have watched this.

Keanu Reeves as Thomas Anderson/Neo

Carrie-Anne Moss as Tiffany/Trinity

Yahya Abdul-Mateen II as Morpheus

Jonathan Groff as Smith

Click here for previous The Review.