Friday, December 22, 2017

You Had One Job: DC Cinematic Universe


$675 million worldwide does not sound bad. If I did anything that made that much money I'd be singing the songs of my people and crippling strippers with stacks of money. But that huge amount is actually terrible when you take into account Justice League stars Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman...and the rest. This is their tent pole film that is supposed to springboard many other films in the DC cinematic universe. To put this into perspective, Doctor Strange made $677 million worldwide. Yeah. A movie about a character that people kinda know that had no build up. There was no Strange in Avenger films to give some sort of backstory. In reality Justice League should have made a billion dollars or more. Deadpool cost $58 million and made $783 million.


This movie should have been fucking incredible. But no. It stank. It stank hard. Movies like Suicide Squad made $745 million, Wonder Woman made $821.9 million, and Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice made $873.3 million. I think people are at the point where they don't want to be fooled again. Even for those raving about Wonder Woman will later realize that it wasn't that good a movie. It was just better than the other DC movies which is not that difficult to do considering how shit they have been. Why have these movies been so unsatisfying? What are they doing wrong?

Before anyone that doesn't know me or the movies I like keep reading you need to remember that these are my opinions. You can think I am wrong and it should not ruin your day. Fucking babies.


They started off on the wrong foot. Man Of Steel was dark as shit. Why? They were piggybacking off of the Christopher Nolan Dark Knight films even though there didn't need to be any connection to them. This is a reboot. Let that shit go. Its the same reason why the last X-Men films have been such ass garbage. Though I'm not a huge Superman fan what I do know about him is that he represents all that is good about a superhero. His nickname is Boy Scout. He is the template by which all heroes are set. So when you have him snapping necks and causing billions in damage in the first film its kinda weird.


In the next movie BvS they have Batman pointing out how dangerous Superman is for the world and tries to kill him only for Superman to try and kill Batman to save his mom. Then they introduce a Lex Luthor no one asked for that turns a villain into another villain. Then Wonder Woman shows up for a cup of coffee. It made no sense and was weird as fuck. Oh, and Superman gets killed but not really because his corpse makes dirt rise. I don't know.


Then they made a Wonder Woman movie where there is zero sense of danger since it takes place in the past. How is it that no one has ever heard of this battle during World War 1 where a woman fought an army and an evil god showed up wrecking shit? Either way that happened and people liked it.

The Justice League is brought together. They got Batman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Cyborg, and Flash. They bring back Superman from the dead even though he wasn't really dead according to BvS. They fight a lame villain and save the world I guess. Then Luthor shows up threatening us with a sequel.


Reboot this shit. Now. Do not waste money making a Flash movie. Or Aquaman, Cyborg, or anything else you have planned. This is not the fault of Zack Snyder leaving during production to deal with family stuff. The blame for these whack ass movies can be spread among everyone from the cast to the production to higher ups that rushed something that should have been an easy cash grab. I don't want these movies to suck. I would have loved to see an awesome ass Justice League movie. Hell, I wanted that well before an Avengers movie was an idea. Why wouldn't I want to see all of these characters in a live action movie? I have loved the animated JL movies because they manage to do something these movies can't.

Make sense.

Batman acts like Batman. Superman like Superman. Wonder Woman like Wonder Woman. These are not complex characters. There is no need to do origin stories of any of these three. In the animated movies they have less than 90 minutes to introduce these characters, make them meet, and fight a villain and almost every time they get it right. In Superman Vs The Elite the story is based around the fact that even though Superman has so much power he still lets bad things happen so a team shows up and just straight up kills bad guys. It is all fun and games until Superman is like “Okay, this is what happens when I play by your rules!” And it is fucking terrifying. That is how they portrayed Superman in these last live action films.


Superman is the main guy. I love Batman but they need to make a strong Superman movie. Yeah, he murdered someone and caused an assload of damage in Man Of Steel but the next two movies (yes, two) should have been him cleaning up the mess he made, introducing himself to the world, and then meeting Luthor for the first time. Not dying! Like I said, these need a hard ass reboot. Have none of the actors and actresses from the movies that have already come out. Scrap all those plans. Use what you have from series like Flash, Arrow, Legends Of Tomorrow, Supergirl, and Constantine. They have about a dozen established heroes and villains but shit on them to attempt to make a quick buck and have been failing. Learn from your fucking mistakes, DC. 

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