Theater Whore: The Dark Knight Rises

I was finally able to see The Dark Knight Rises! I called Parker who had already seen it and told him that I had to see this movie. I got tired of seeing all the reviews that I had to dodge and shows I like listening to attempt to spoil the movie. So we headed to The Grove and watched it. I was so happy leaving the theater. I have been hearing complaints about there being too many characters, Bane was no Heath Ledger, and even complaints about Catwoman’s outfit. I will not sit here and bitch about Anne Hathaway in a tight ass outfit.

Fap.

I’m not gonna describe what this entire movie is about because, seriously, it has a lot of stuff going on. I was happy seeing Bruce Wayne portrayed as a recluse. This takes place eight years after the last film and the city is doing much better after the death of Harvey Dent/Two-Face. Gordon has a huge case of the guilties and almost reveals the truth behind what happened with Batman and why he vanished. Wayne ends up meeting Selina Kyle who steals a pearl necklace from his safe and escapes. Alfred’s relationship is covered more deeply in this movie as well which is cool because you finally get to see just how much he cares about Bruce.

Yes, we all know that Alfred has raised Bruce since he was a child but he is upset that Bruce came back to Gotham in the first place. He wants Bruce to move on and have a life and believes that Bruce wants to die. It makes you look at the actions that Batman takes and what drives a man to do what Batman does. There’s also Lucius Fox who lets Bruce know that Wayne Enterprises is not making any money since Bruce has gone into seclusion and that he needs to get his shit together. Oh, and here’s some new toys to play with.

What kind of new toys?

Introduced in this is John Blake who is an orphan who became a policeman in Gotham City who admires Batman. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is awesome in this role. He is one of the most logical cops and is made detective after Gordon is hurt. Did I say hurt? No. He gets fucked up! Blake becomes his legs while Gordon recovers from his injuries. There’s some other awesome stuff I wont spoil but made me punch Parker in the foot when I saw it.

Catwoman is a combination of the Frank Miller Year One version and the old Batman series. She manages to hold her own against multiple attacks. This woman beats up a room full of men at one point with her cool ass heels that slice people. She isn’t like Batman where she wont kill people. If she is in danger her reflex is to murder. At one point Batman has to knock a gun out of her hands during a fight where they are outgunned and outnumbered.

And there’s Bane. My god this fucker was evil. I leaned over and said multiple times “This dude is too evil.” Just when you thought he couldn’t be more fucked up he would do something where what he just did seemed not so bad. Then he’d do something else and it was like “Leave Batman alone!” The way he fought was brutish. There were no spin kick or fancy Matrix movies. Dude just beat shit until it stopped moving. When he walked into rooms people shut the fuck up. Tom Hardy continues to become a different person in every film. I know that sounds goofy but it makes perfect sense.

Speaking of fighting, thankfully the super fast camera movements when Batman fought was gone. When Batman fights people, Bane, or Catwoman you see it clearly. Also his voice wasn’t as bad as in previous films. Bane on the other hand was hard to understand at times but for me that was due to not knowing what accent he was using. There were some inconsistencies but nothing that yanked me out of the film. No, Bane was not The Joker and thank god he wasn't. People would be bitching if he were. They are completely different types of characters. What Joker did mentally Bane did physically.

I got everything I wanted in this movie plus way more than I thought was possible. I got to see The Bat which was a type of flying device I’d never seen before. The Batcycle doing crazy shit. Surprise characters that I didn’t know were even in the film. I wanted this movie to be awesome and it surpassed anything I could have expected. This isn’t a film where I will sit and try to defend it to people. If you don’t like it that’s fine. It sucks you wasted your money. I sat for almost three hours cheering, clinching my fists and asshole, and watching the end of my favorite comic book character on screen.