The Review: 30 Coins

30 Coins 9/10

Random ass spoilers. Hey. Wanna watch a series that will make you yell, scream, curse, and consider grabbing a bible? I got just the show for you. 30 Coins also known as 30 Monedas is a series that was produced in Spain and it shows because they be having some honked up stuff over there. Actually, for as much trash as folks talk about how violent American movies are we are by far the least violent. If you ever watch a horror movie with subtitles you're gonna see things that make Final Destination look like Blue's Clues. After I was finished I found out that every episodes was directed and written by Álex de la Iglesia who did Day Of The Beast which I saw almost ten years ago and that film was fucked up. I know it sounds like I might be trying to talk you out of watching this but I'm not. I just don't watch much horror so when I do it involves a lot of me adding new things to a list of experiences I never want to have.

The first episode starts off so insane but so many other things happen later that are so much crazier that I forgot that a cow gave birth to a child. The mayor of this small town Paco is trying to bring more money and prosperity to it with his wife Merche. He doesn't seem to want the responsibility of this career path but tries (kind of) to be good at it. The town likes him. He handsome. He is also a jackass. This man does so much stuff that made me yell at the screen. He did what kids and teens do in horror movies. If you told Paco not to walk down a dark hallway not only would he walk down that hallway he would do it backwards with his eyes closed.

There is also Elena. She is cool. She is the town veterinarian and the most bad ass woman in town. Every other woman is a scarfed up old woman or superstitious hater. They all look at her weird because her husband died years ago. When she is in a situation she is able to either escape properly or fight back. Even when the priest is telling her she didn't just see a monster and that is what he's good at she calls him out on that shit. She is the glue of this series. Wait.

Okay. This is what I mean by the show having crazier things happen and me forgetting them. This series begins with this old man robbing a bank. He just walks in and starts capping folks. He gets shot a bunch of times and the bullets do nothing. He gets this coin and walks out into a waiting limo. This evil looking priest takes a necklace off of him and the guy drops dead.

So that baby I mentioned earlier. Paco tries to cover it up and says that if this gets out everyone will call the town full of hicks. The baby is taken in by an older couple that wants kids and the wife starts acting all strange. The husband says something is wrong with the baby and she says there isn't even though within days it is about three goddamn feet tall and looks like a goblin. She Shawshanks her husband when he threatens to call police and hangs him in a spider web of yarn. Paco and Elena head there and the old lady takes them both out and hangs up Paco. The baby is now a spider creature. Its fucking spooky. By the way. Whenever someone gets hurt on this show and heals they are immediately beaten up again. They get beat up so much!

I haven't even mentioned the priest Manuel Vergara. He is the new priest in town and people don't really dig him. As more and more weird ass things happen in the town they start to blame him and want him gone. It is kinda his fault. Years ago a young man died during an exorcism and he spent time in prison. The guy pulled a coin from under his skin which is the coin that Manuel has. He ends up giving it to Elena and during the time she has it so much terrible shit happens. Her husband comes back from the dead and tries to kill her for the coin. A new dude she is seeing finds it in a fish he was about to eat after she had thrown it over a bridge. People want these coins, thirty in total, because they are what Judas was paid with after betraying Jesus. They show this as the theme to this show and it is fucking bananas! When the evil church gets all thirty coins they will be able to do evil shit.

Even as I'm writing this I have left out so much stuff. Not because I forgot but because it is just so much. The show gets so nuts that by the time a demon pops up out the ground you've forgotten about the cow baby, the spider man, the fire breathing devil man priest, the traveling through dreams, the mirror world, the scarecrow fuck doll. Like I said, this was made in another country so if you love in the US and not used to for real violent shit a lot of stuff in this eight episode series will be shocking. It is subtitled but done very well and large. If you don't want to watch something because of subtitles you need to get your life together. This is available on HBO Max.

Eduard Fernández as Father Manuel Vergara

Megan Montaner as Elena

Miguel Ángel Silvestre as Paco

Macarena Gómez as Merche

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