Documentality: There's No I In Threesome

There Is No I In Threesome 3/10

I have had two people I know that have seen this and after reading some of what one of them wrote I decided to watch this knowing that I couldn't write this like one of my normal reviews. So what I'm gonna do is just write my reactions as I watch this.

I hope they ain't fucking on this diving board.

Wait. They butt ass naked with Go-Pros on their heads? For what? The hell are these people doing? Just jump you weirdos. That water would shoot right up your assholes.

Oh, they document way too much. People are weird. Just like...exist.

Why this music make this sound like some show that is fun when I know it ain't?

Wait. Engaged a year but open relationship for three months? This shit is doomed to fail.

Oh, they can only bone their own gender. And she already broke that so cool. Cool.

Why she get him a penis pump? I used to sell those at the porn shop. If you want a weird floppy dick then go ahead then. They make your penis bigger the same way the tip of your finger swells if you have something too tight on it.

Nobody wanna see no dick on a trampoline, sir. Cut that out.

They at this freak party just filming everybody. His future wife creeping up on him making out with some random ass woman.

She gonna cheat on this trip, ain't she?

He on a date with this guy filming him and it is so fucking awkward.

Man is laying in bed watching his future wife fucking. Oh, god. He just watching the dude in bed and grinning. “If you'd stop talking it'd be great.” Wow. She told him he can finish himself off. Damn!

These people just seem annoying.

Oh my god the Face Time meeting dudes who are gonna bone your lady. I must not be confident because I could not sit and listen to my future wife gush about how great this other guy is.

She like “Tom is straight. He's all mine. Sorry, dear.”

She doing a whole ass strip tease for this other guy.

Okay. Don't really care about these hiking shots. I get it. You outdoors.

Who this woman? She got some severe bangs.

It would be so hard to do this threesome thing. Like, what if you don't think the person your partner brought is attractive? Do you just have to go with it to make them happy?

Oh, she got some nerve! She mad that he hooked up with this woman when she has been bangarangin' all over?! This is super not gonna work.

She out here having for real dates and getting dressed while her man is just going for walks and petting cows.

“Grinding party”?!

This straight man she sleeping with does not want to meet Ollie.

His friend Wilbur know this ain't gonna work. Wilbur smart.

Okay. Zoe talking about Ollie being threatened by Tom. Tom is straight and will not be apart of what you two have set up. Ollie has Siobhan who seems to not mind this whole thing. This woman is falling in love with Tom. This is too much nonsense.

How is she wearing a white wedding dress? How did it not burst into flames?

“Didn't want Tom's dong touching his baby.” Quote of the year!

He just took a topless picture of his fiancé and her first response is “I'll send it to Tom.” I can actually feel the question mark floating above my head.

Ollie explaining his relationship to his mother. This outta go well.

He really thinks that their wedding is going to make all of this suddenly stop? The extra partners? The sex parties?

This man is getting an enema in the bathtub. He is gonna shit in the tub! Why is this dog watching this?!

Guess its time for Ollie, Siobhan, and Zoe to have a three-way. Yay...

I couldn't be around these people for five minutes. Why am I still watching this?

So Tom told Zoe he loved her. This is going so well.

He said he would suck what for her?!

Ollie is so insecure that it is causing me physical pain in my asshole.

Ollie and Zoe talking about having kids. If I ever found this kinda footage with my parents there is no amount of therapy that could help me.

She seems way happier with Tom than she does with the dude she is supposed to get married to.

Wait. Now Tom wants to put babies in this woman?!

Ollie and Tom are meeting and it is just as awkward as I thought it'd be.

Tom just asked Ollie that since he makes documentaries is that really directing. Damn.

I know its stupid to say because I'm watching this, but turn the damn camera off.

They sucked each others dicks. He then pulled off Tom's condom so he could fuck Zoe.

I would be nervous if I was Tom. They at the swimming pool alone and he with this crazy ass couple. This seems like a set up.

Zoe thinks she and Ollie should break up. I think this is a great idea!

They were together three and a half years doing all this. Tom is a homewrecker! But not really. I'm playing. They all a mess. She and Tom not gonna work. You li-chur-ruh-lee let your fiancé film herself sleeping with the guy she fell in love with. You a new fool.

Stop filming yourself crying!

So he broke up with Siobhan now. These people are toxic as fuck.

Is he auditioning women to play Zoe? The fuck is going on here?

Wait. Did the do some Texas switch on my ass? So this ain't even the real woman in this? This a fake Zoe?!

The more he talks the worse he is. This dude is a piece of human shit. This was fake. I'm just watching him practice falling. This was a waste of time. I'm gonna watch something else now. My asshole hurts.

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