The Review: Lanterns

Lanterns 10/10

Spoilers. I had absolutely no interest in watching the series. I am not a big Green Lantern fan and one of the stars of this has a face that bothered me but now I am used to him. This is the story of how Jordan training John Stewart on becoming a Green Lantern. Green Lanterns normally do not have trainees and Hal knows that at some point this guy is supposed to replace him and does not want that to happen. He barely even trains him and when he does it's dangerous. Like jumping out of a moving vehicle and leaving John the ring to figure out how to survive type of dangerous.

Documentality: The University of Cosmic Intelligence

The University of Cosmic Intelligence 2/10

Not too much to say about this as it was advertised as a documentary when it was more of a I guess “be on the look out for these missing people” type of thing. This dude Rashad Jamal from Chicago beats and strangles his woman. Years later he is Atlanta trying to rap. Meets this lady who has kids who wants to be a singer. They get together and have a kid. He starts making up all these conspiracy videos that get traction online talking about Black people being gods and Atlantis being where Atlanta now sits and all kinda weird shit. Its Pandemic time so everyone is going crazy and a bunch of crunchy Black folk start following him. He gets too nutty and molests his lady's daughter and eventually he is arrested for 18 years.

The Review: It Welcome To Derry Finale

It Welcome To Derry Finale 10/10

Holy crap this was an amazing series! Eight episodes and not one of them dragged or was useless which is how any show that isn't some twenty-something episode long series should be. Not one could be skipped. Damn. This starts off with a thick fog rolling across Derry and everyone like “What's happening here?” Except this one woman that is smiling all creepy like Pennywise. The military and their dumb asses are watching from their base tracking what is going down but doing nothing because this is what they wanted!

Documentality: The Alabama Solution

Alabama Solution 9/10

This was a rough watch. The makers of this Andrew Jarecki and Charlotte Kaufman went to this prison called Easterling in Alabama back in 2019 and there was a festival and everything seemed all nice and cool. There is church shit, barbecue, and love music. Then this one prisoner points out that its all bullshit. Turns out he was incredibly right. Filmed over years prisoners use their cell phones to record and document everything that is going on. I am not gonna pretend to be shocked that they have access to cell phones because my lady has shown me full on Tik Tok videos from inmates.

The Review: IT Welcome To Derry Episodes 1 & 2

IT Welcome To Derry Episodes 1 & 2

This show crazy as hell. So far within the first two episodes its better than the movies were. I would say they have more time to flesh out the kid characters but...yeah. Not so fast. It starts in 1962 with this boy named Matty that snuck into a theater. He gets chased out and this girl who works there with her father doesn't rat him out. We find out more about her later. Matty escapes and starts hitching a ride. A family picks him up and seem nice. Like, way too nice even for the 60's. Its a mother, father, son, and daughter. The boy is spelling shit. The girl is being weird trying to make Matty smell her liver fingers. The mom starts calling the daughter a hussy. Its weird. Matty asks to get out the car and the mother goes into labor and gives birth to a damn bat baby that starts flying and screeching around the car! This is the last we see if Matty...alive.

The Review: The Penguin

The Penguin 10/10

This series was fucking great. This is gonna be full of spoilers. When I first heard that this was going to be a thing I rolled my ass, scoffed, knocked papers off my desk Malcolm X meme style. Why was this happening? Did it need to happen? Why does DC have so much money to throw away? Seriously, they have far too many series and most seem like ass and the one I did like got canceled (Swamp Thing) and is available only on Tubi of all places. I had no need to watch this. But I did and after the first episode realized that I needed to shut my whore mouth and continue watching this because it was nothing like what I expected.

Documentality: Chimp Crazy

Chimp Crazy 4/10

We watched this crazy ass documentary a few weeks back and while it had the potential to be interesting they stretched out what could have easily been an hour and a half series into four hour long episodes where you get to watch this nutty ass woman Tonia Haddix lie through her teeth constantly. If they had focused on more people this could have been interesting but since they would show a tiny bit about others and then go back to this woman I lost interest. I can't just sit and watch someone lie that much and stay entertained especially when I know they not in prison for animal abuse. Tonia is a former nurse and has a husband and kids but they don't mean shit compared to her love for her chimp, Tonka. She collects primates and is in a lawsuit because of how she keeps her animals. I don't know about you but I doubt that McDonald's and Gatorade are okay for animals to be chomping down on daily.

Documentality: They Called Him Mostly Harmless

They Called Him Mostly Harmless 8/10

Spoilers!!! This was insane! L. mentioned hearing about this on a podcast and we checked it out. This hiker known to other hikers as Mostly Harmless was found dead in his tent in 2018. He had money and food but weighed about 83 pounds. He had no identification on him and even when he was fingerprinted nothing came up. They speak to other hikers who met him and took pictures with him but no one knows his real name. They had experts and others talk about how hard it is to actually be as unknown as this guy was. I just wanted to know if they eventually found out who he was. L. assured me that we would know his name by the time this ended. His body was discovered by some other hikers after smelling some dead human funk and alerted authorities. They tried their best to make an image of what he may have looked like alive from his body. It looked horrifying.

The Review: 30 Coins Season 2

30 Coins Season 2 (10/10)

You crazy if you think I have the mental capacity to recap a show like 30 Coins. The first season was insane and the second one made it seem like a fun day at a playground by comparison. Every single episode had L. and I yelling at the TV and disgusted by something strange. You want me to try and describe some of the show. Priests get brought back as decomposing zombies. Hell looks like the least fun place ever. A lady gives birth to a crab monster. God and Satan are the same person. A guy gets flattened like a pancake by magic. Alternate dimensions. A damn spaceship! Just so much crazy shit happens that even when I wanted to recap this weekly I knew I couldn't so after finishing the show months ago I know that right now I can't even make an attempt. I think more people need to be watching this. I need there to be a season three right now. This is an incredible show with great acting, writing, and set design.

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The Review: The Color Purple

The Color Purple 1/10

The funny thing about me giving this a 1/10 is that it still feels a little bit too high. L. and I watched this last weekend on a whim. I remember when I heard this was being made and scoffed. I know that the first movie (which I saw every week as a child because my parents were strange and rented it from Cal-Fal) is based off of a book (which I read a tiny bit of) and this movie is based off of the musical (which L. has seen). That being said...wow. This was super bad. I know that a lot of reviews praised this movie and that is because they don't wanna come across as racist. I'm Black. I'm gonna just come across as a asshole. Don't get me wrong. I love musicals. I just didn't like this movie. Let me explain why.

Documentality: Chowchilla

Chowchilla 7/10

So L. and I watch this documentary on HBO that was originally done on CNN called Chowchilla. This was insane. I had never heard about this case before where a bus full of 26 students and the bus driver were kidnapped. So these kids riding the bus just living their best weird ass Central California life when these guys wearing stockings over their face and holding guns stop the bus. Now the bus driver let them on and all I could think about was that if this ever happened on the public transit that I ride. The bus driver would immediately let anybody on seeing as how they let on screaming, yelling homeless people daily. So these kids get taken for a ride and then they're moved into this underground bunker type thing and next thing you know they hear dirt being shoveled on top of them. These kids started having hallucinations and pretty much losing their minds as you would expect. The bus driver tries to rescue them by lifting this lid and he can't do it but one of the boys is able to. This boy is a true hero this story but what sucks is that the bus driver got all of the credit. Even on this bus driver's Tombstone when he died years later they put that he was a hero.

Documentality: Natalia Speaks

Natalia Speaks 4/10

I have to stay for the record that L. and I did watch the first Natalia Grace (which I would have given a 9/10 just for pure nonsense factor) documentary. For some reason I did not write about it and assumed that I had. The basic premise is that this couple name the Barnett's adopted this little girl named Natalia who was from a Ukrainian orphanage. Over time they started saying that she had mental problems and that she was violent and would do things like stand at the edge of their bed holding a knife and attacking other children. Next thing you know they got this girl in a mental hospital and then moved her own her own to this two-story house and then they also moved her to this place that looks like the type of area you would go to do drugs and die. So the entire time the family is saying this is an adult woman pretending to be a little girl because they said she got her period and had pubic hair and the way she talked seemed to adult for a child. That's the basic story going into this chaos.

Documentality: Love Has Won The Cult Of Mother God

Love Has Won 8/10

Last week L. and I watched this crazy ass documentary called Love Has Won: The Cult of Mother God. This is about this lady named Amy Carlson who started a cult called Love Has Won. What is the point of this cult? What was their main goal? What is their mission statement? I have no idea. I have looked online I have watched other videos about this group of people and I have absolutely no idea what the point of it was. From these three episodes it seems like she had a pretty normal life. She also has an abusive husband and different relationships and then one day she quit her job at McDonald's and left her kids behind. Next thing you know she's with this old man and they're doing a bunch of seemingly hippie stuff together. She ends up leaving him and some other men that she ends up calling Father God until she settles on this one guy who is so crazy seeming it is scary.

The Review: Blue Beetle

Blue Beetle 2/10

This movie was not made for me in any sense. I couldn't relate to a single character or any part of the story. It just happened. This kid comes home from college and his family is being pushed out the neighborhood, losing their home, and are very Spanish. They are Spanish like in 80's film where you watch it now and it just makes you uncomfortable. A scarab attaches itself to him (not sure why) and madness ensues. I couldn't take anything seriously because there was a bad joke just peeping over the shoulder. I even chuckled when the spirit of the grandfather got dusted Thanos style. The villains were like 90's style and cartoonish as hell. Yeah, I know this is a superhero film and that is allowed, but it just felt so lazy to write them like that. It felt like whoever created this was in way over their heads. The more of these movies I am watching the more I realize that I am aging out of them. They are also becoming so specific for who they are for that I feel like I'm trespassing.

Xolo Maridueña as Jaime Reyes/Blue Beetle

Belissa Escobedo as Milagro Reyes

Bruna Marquezine as Jenny Kord

Raoul Max Trujillo as Ignacio Carapax

Susan Sarandon as Victoria Kord

George Lopez as Rudy Reyes

Harvey Guillén as Dr. Jose Francisco Morales Rivera de la Cruz

Becky G as the voice of Khaji-Da

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The Review: Black Adam

Black Adam 3/10

So I finally got around to watching the Black Adam movie. I don't have all that much to say about it because I didn't hate it but I can't say that I enjoyed it. It starts off with a backstory that turns out to sort of not be his own and then we're introduced to a bunch of brand new characters who aren't all that interesting. We have Hawkman who is supposed to be really good friends with Dr Fate because they told me so and when one of them dies it's supposed to be emotional but I felt absolutely nothing. There's also a dude that grows really tall who isn't interesting at all and the girl who can make wind. None of these people can beat Black Adam and it's kind of pathetic. All of the human characters are unrelatable and uninteresting and of course they have a young child that provides pure annoyance. The only thing I can truly say I liked about this movie was the portrayal of Black Adam. He looked just like the character and was cool himself but just surrounded by a lot of people that I did not care about whatsoever. The pacing of this film was all over the place. There would be a crazy action scene and then it would just slam on the brakes for uninteresting exposition. After I was done watching I looked up who wrote and directed this movie and that answered any question I had as to why I did not like this. I would like to see this character again but in a movie with an interesting villain and a far better story.

Dwayne Johnson as Teth-Adam/Black Adam

Aldis Hodge as Carter Hall/Hawkman

Sarah Shahi as Adrianna Tomaz

Marwan Kenzari as Ishmael Gregor

Quintessa Swindell as Maxine Hunkel/Cyclone

Bodhi Sabongui as Amon Tomaz

Pierce Brosnan as Kent Nelson/Doctor Fate

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The Review: Don't Worry Darling

Don't Worry Darling 8/10

Last week L. and I watched this movie called Don't Worry Darling. I had seen a trailer for this movie and could not tell what the hell it was about but it seemed interesting and I like the directors previous movie Booksmart. So we started watching this movie and it takes place in the 1950s where all the husbands go off to work at this place called Victory while the women stay at home cook, clean, relax, and bring their husbands a nice warm dinner when they get home. One of the housewives seems out of it and kind of strange and the other women stay away from her. Her name is Margaret and she's played by an actress I've seen in other films and did not realize it was her because she looks different in everything that she does.

The Review: DMZ

DMZ 3/10

Its a show. As I described to L. this is one of those shows where you could do some laundry or clean up while its on and not feel like you really missed anything. I never read the comic that it is based off of but had heard it existed. I also know that it ran for a lot of issues and maybe that is why this four episode series feels so rushed. I never got a sense of what life was like outside of the walled city that they live in or why it is so bad out there. Yeah, the plot. This doctor sneaks back into the walled city to find her son who she lost eight years or so ago. Turns out he didn't get lost but made sure he didn't leave with her. His dad is one of many people running the city and is so ambitious that it turns into stupidity. Her son is this dude who is an assassin for his father now. I got annoyed a lot watching because people would make silly decisions or actions to keep the story going. The series is shot well but the acting seems to be from different shows. Some acting is very serious and others seem like characters from a network television series. This is on HBO Max. Y'all can check it out if you want. Its not horrible. Just feels extremely rushed until it slams on the brakes in the last episode and wraps up everything perfectly.

Rosario Dawson as Alma "Zee" Ortega

Hoon Lee as Wilson Lin

Freddy Miyares as Skel

Jordan Preston Carter as Odi

Venus Ariel as Nico

Amandla Jahava as Nicole

Benjamin Bratt as Parco Delgado

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The Review: Peacemaker

Peacemaker 10/10

No complaints! I have absolutely nothing bad to say about this series. Everyone was cast perfectly. The music was cool. The action was amazing as well as graphic as all hell. I did not think this would be as good as it was considering I don't know shit about the character from the comics. I knew who he was from the strange helmet but could never tell you his name if asked. So when he popped up in The Suicide Squad I enjoyed him but didn't know how they would be able to make an entire series featuring him. They somehow did and made one of the best TV shows of the year and its only February. I know some folk are burned out by superhero based movies and shows and I am not. I just want good ones and this was one of the best made. Seriously. No complaints! You know how rare that is for me?!

The Review: The Matrix Resurrections

The Matrix Resurrections 1/10

This was ass. Loved the first Matrix movie. Second had interesting fights. The third...yeah. Matrix: Resurrections was something that didn't need to happen. It didn't make me nostalgic. The effects weren't groundbreaking. The music. Geez. There is a song that starts playing at the end credits that made me want to throw my remote at the TV. The song was that bad. It took me two days to finish this because it felt odd and long. I did not think that this was gonna be a great movie. I knew some of the original cast was coming back but it wasn't like I wondered “I wish I knew what was going on with Neo and Trinity...” This movie can almost be watched without seeing the others because they turned the Matrix into a joke it feels. The first movie started people on paths of philosophical thought and revolutionized the action genre. This had fight scenes you could see on The CW Network. I shouldn't have watched this.

Keanu Reeves as Thomas Anderson/Neo

Carrie-Anne Moss as Tiffany/Trinity

Yahya Abdul-Mateen II as Morpheus

Jonathan Groff as Smith

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The Review: Dune

Dune ???/10

A couple of weeks ago I watched Dune on HBO Max. I have not read the books. I have not watched the previous films though I did know they existed. I also knew there were giant worms in the sand. What do I know after watching? The worms are bigger than I thought. I honestly don't know what to even say about this movie. It wasn't bad at all. The sound was cool. The movie looked cool. I just don't know what the fuck I watched. There is this young dude that has a special power that is a legend and he is gonna save folk. There is space politics. People that bath in juices. Water is valuable. I know I sound dumb and that is because I sat here for a couple hours and just said “What happened?” I also didn't know that this was half a story. Just when things were revving up there were credits. That didn't help. So yeah. Folks who know this story loved it. So there's that.

Timothée Chalamet as Paul Atreides

Rebecca Ferguson as Lady Jessica

Oscar Isaac as Duke Leto Atreides

Josh Brolin as Gurney Halleck

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