Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Insert Coin: Rolling Thunder

“The player takes control of Albatross, a member of the WCPO's ‘Rolling Thunder’ espionage unit. Albatross's mission is to save a missing female agent named Leila Blitz from a secret society named Geldra located in New York.”

Rolling Thunder is one of those games that makes you wonder if the people that create video games are a bunch of evil bastards that sit in a room thinking of ways to make poor little Black kids waste their quarters on videos games when they could be spending them on Jolly Ranchers and Now & Laters. Or maybe I just really sucked at this game. Hard. I have almost a love/hate relationship with this game. I even have it on PS2 and even with a code for extra lives I still cant win.

                                       Stopping bullets with your face rules.

I never rescued the girl. I wont even lie. I don’t think I even made it past level two of this game. Its that fucking hard! One shot and you just slump to the ground. It did look cool when you jumped up on the balcony and popped a cap in the colorful Klans Men asses. I don know what kinda racket these guys were running but running around in rainbow colored suits could not have been good for their self esteem.

                                                   You’re racist so its not bad!

I wonder if the agent Leila Blitz wore what she was captured in when she left the house. I mean, I’m not one to advocate assault and capturing a woman, but there are outfits that would make it less enticing to do so. And why have her tied up like that? Give her a chair. Because you know when she finally gets rescued she’s gonna tell Albatross (worst spy name ever!) and he’s gonna kick you extra hard in the nuts when he gets you. Then have his way with her.

                                  “I wasn’t thinking about rape, but damn…”

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